tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post115093780029188997..comments2023-10-02T00:28:29.335-07:00Comments on Gay LDS Actor: Utter Sorrow and Utter JoyGay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-1151111116441260132006-06-23T18:05:00.000-07:002006-06-23T18:05:00.000-07:00John,I really appreciate your concern and advice. ...John,<BR/><BR/>I really appreciate your concern and advice. I really do. I feel it comes from a genuine place of love from somebody who understands. You're most certainly right; these are decisions that will greatly affect the rest of my life. Believe you me, I agonize daily over what the right path is for me, and these are certainly not choices that I'm taking lightly.<BR/><BR/>And yet I don't feel that I'd be choosing Jonah instead of God nor do I feel I'm abandoning my Father in Heaven by choosing another path. It's ironic because I still believe the church is true, and yet I feel that if I choose to have a relationship with Jonah, I'm still going to be okay.<BR/><BR/>I love the church. I truly do. If I could have my druthers, I'd be both an active Mormon and gay. But it doesn't appear that that will ever be a possibility.<BR/><BR/>I don't know if choosing Jonah is the right decision, but what I do know is this: I have tried really, really hard to do all the church has asked me to do (and I guess what God has asked me to do), and I just don't think I can do it anymore. Whether that means I don't have enough faith or trust in God's plan; whether that means I'm not strong enough; whether that means I'm just not destined for Celestial glory, I don't know. But I do know that I feel I have given it my best shot; I do know that God loves me and will continue to love me no matter what choice I make; I do know that Jonah makes me very happy and is probably the best relationship I've been in; I do know that he's in my life because God wanted him to be; I do know that I just don't feel I am meeting my needs continuing on the path I've been on.<BR/><BR/>The scriptures say, "Where much is given, much is required." I just feel I can't do what is required of me anymore. I'm at the end of my rope, and I'm tired of trying to be something I don't feel that I am. I know that God knows my heart and my desires, and I can only hope he will be merciful to me if it turns out that this is not a good choice.<BR/><BR/>I just know that I've been on one path for so long, and I'm just not finding what I'm looking for. I feel like I'm finding it with Jonah. The only way I'll know for sure is to make that choice. And if it turns out I made a mistake, I'll know that, too. But I don't think it will be...at least not in this life.<BR/><BR/>As for exaltation, I've never really thought I was going to the Celestial Kingdom anyway. I've always thought I'd be happier in the Terrestrial Kingdom, which is where I hope to end up (I think that's where most of my friends will be). Perhaps that sounds bad, but I've felt that way for a long time. I think we will be placed where we will be the best off.<BR/><BR/>Although it may be God's will and desire, not all of his children are destined to become Gods or receive exaltation. Maybe that's what some of us are here to learn. The scriptures say, "We will prove them herewith..." and maybe some of us are here to learn how we will truly behave outside of our Father's presence. He knew some of us would fall away. Maybe I'm just one of those people.<BR/><BR/>I don't think everything is as black and white as it appears. I think there is more to the plan than we realize. All I know is that God loves me and wants me to be happy, and this seems to be what's making me happy now.<BR/><BR/>I can't fully clarify what's in my heart, but I feel like I'm okay with it and that God understands. That's all I can really ask for right now. I'm just too tired to "endure" anymore. If God sees fit to intervene, so be it, but I have a feeling I have a lot to learn from my future experiences, and that it's what's supposed to happen for me right now.<BR/><BR/>I just feel strongly that there's another path for me right now that doesn't adhere to what I had preconceived.<BR/><BR/>But again, I do appreciate your words and concern.Gay LDS Actorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-1150980864983723122006-06-22T05:54:00.000-07:002006-06-22T05:54:00.000-07:00Wow, that is amazing. I'm really happy for you. Wh...Wow, that is amazing. I'm really happy for you. What wonderful insights. <BR/><BR/>I love reading what you have to say.elbowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07742457647216774548noreply@blogger.com