tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-235633802024-03-13T07:52:03.362-07:00Gay LDS ActorThese are the players in my life, all sharing the same stage.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.comBlogger489125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-68714598551134333892019-06-20T21:52:00.001-07:002019-06-20T21:52:51.315-07:00Excommunication Anniversary<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Six days ago was an anniversary that I almost let slip by without realizing it: ten years ago on June 14th I was excommunicated from the LDS Church. It's hard to believe that much time has gone by.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I recently re-listened to a podcast interview I gave almost two years after I was excommunicated. Although I no longer attend LDS services regularly, many of the feelings in the interview about the LDS Church and its influence on me remain the same.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was born and raised in the Mormon religion. I tried very ardently for a good portion of my life to follow all of its tenets, including fighting against and suppressing a huge part of who I am: my homosexuality. I reached a point in life where I no longer felt I could do that.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The last day of 2008 I made a firm choice to be with the guy I love, my now-husband Jonah. That turned out to be possibly the best choice I have ever made in my life, certainly one that has led me on a path to greater happiness, fulfillment, and emotional well-being.</div>
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It is also a choice that eventually cost me my membership in a religion that I loved and revered. It's definitely a weird feeling to lose that when it's been your whole life for so long.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My late mother as well as my dear friend attended my church discipline hearing, and their support has always meant the world to me. I am forever grateful that Mom got to see me build a relationship with Jonah before she passed. I'm glad she got to see how happy this relationship has made me. I'm glad she and Jonah became like a mom and son.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When you are told your whole life what a negative impact excommunication will have on your eternal soul, you fear the consequences (at least I did), and while the first year or two were an adjustment, I can honestly say that life and God have been very good to me these last ten years.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I truly can't imagine life without Jonah. He has made me a better person, has helped me see life and people in a different way, and has enriched my life greatly.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hold no bitterness or anger towards the LDS Church. I know some of my gay friends who were raised Mormon do, and justifiably so, but my interaction with the LDS Church was largely positive and I still maintain that many of my best traits and values come from what I was taught there and what I was taught by parents who adhered to that faith.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I do think the LDS Church has a lot of work to do in how it deals with and treats its gay members and former members. The place where we should be able to find the most refuge and support often does the opposite and pushes people away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was lucky. The leaders and members I personally dealt with on my own journey were kind and compassionate for the most part, although occasionally an unkind or ignorant remark or action would be made. For others (too many), the ignorance and unkindness was the rule rather than the exception, so there is still work to be done, bridges to be built.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don't know all the answers, but I am convinced that being gay is something that is unchangeable (for me, at least, and for the majority of gay people I know). I know of a handful of gay people who seemingly have made marriage with a member of the opposite sex work for them. Kudos to them if they are truly happy. For most gay people I know, however, including myself, that just isn't a viable option.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gay won't go away, whether you think it's wrong or sinful or not. We have to learn to love and support each other, regardless of perceived differences. We have to learn to find common ground.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I am sure of is that I am happier outside of the LDS Church than I was inside. That isn't a slam or a smear on the LDS Church. It does so much good, but like any institution, it isn't perfect. I just learned that although it may bring fulfillment and joy to many, for others like me, it was a box I simply didn't fit in anymore.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am grateful (truly I am) for all it gave me, but I am equally grateful that I have found a path that has given me more.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love and adore my Mormon friends and family. They are still my people and always will be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What have I been up to these last ten years?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, I’ve worked for the same theatre company for nearly the last seven, but I shall be quitting that job in August to pursue my acting career again, which I have missed a lot. It’s scary to leave my comfort zone and give up a job I have, overall, enjoyed as well as give up a decent salary and good health benefits. And at my age (48), it seems foolhardy to start anew. But God and the universe have been pushing me to make this decision, and so I am taking a leap of faith and trusting that I will be taken care of. I haven’t felt this strongly about anything in a while. I’ve had strong impressions to do things during my life, such as my decision to go to grad school (which is how I met Jonah), my decision to be with Jonah, and my decision to put my acting career on hiatus for a bit, and those all led me to good things. Now I feel prompted to get back into acting and to give up this job that is no longer bringing me joy. I feel like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade when he takes his “leap of faith,” but in the end it is worth it.</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/b8_FODdi5-c/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/b8_FODdi5-c?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />I actually had the opportunity to be in a play in October, but I had to turn it down because Jonah and I are taking a very important trip together in September, when the rehearsals happen. Still, I know that theatre company is interested in me for future projects. Yep, I’m scared but I am also excited for the future.</div>
Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-33019841968825827802019-06-20T21:32:00.000-07:002019-06-20T21:32:42.617-07:00Hope You're Okay With That (Part II)<div class="MsoNormal">
Nearly nine years ago I wrote the following <a href="https://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2010/07/hope-youre-okay-with-that.html" target="_blank">post</a>. About a year ago I received a Facebook message from the
father that I refer to in the post. He said, “<span class="5yl5">Weird personal
request: can I visit with you the next time you are in Utah? I am on a quest to
understand your struggle being a gay Mormon. I need to be more aware and
supportive and don’t know how to get there. Thanks.” At the time I thought, “I
wonder if this is about his son.”</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="5yl5">I fully intended to get together with the
father (who I will call Ron), but I haven’t been back to Utah much lately and
when I have it’s been for a short visit. For some reason last week the young
man I refer to in the post (who I will call Scotty) came to my mind and I
looked him up on Facebook. Although his profile is limited since we are not
Facebook friends, in the “About” section it did say he was interested in men.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="5yl5">I reached out to Ron with the following
message: “</span>I was thinking about this request you made of me in March last
year. I had actually forgotten about it, and I apologize for that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"I have been
to Utah twice since you sent your last message, but it has always been quick
trips. I'm sorry we never got the opportunity to connect. I did suspect at the
time you wrote me about this that it might have to do with your son, [Scotty],
and when I was on Facebook today I did see on his profile that he identifies as
being ‘interested in men.’ I don't know much about [Scotty]'s life these days,
but when I was attending the [our ward] I always had a soft spot in my heart
for him because I suspected he might be gay and I worried for him and for you
and [your wife]. In fact, I came across an entry I wrote in my [blog] in 2010
about your family and [Scotty], in particular. I'll even share it with you if
you are ever interested. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Anyway, I apologize if I'm overstepping my bounds here
or making assumptions about a situation I know nothing about. But I did want
you to know I love your family very much, consider you a friend, and am still
available if you ever want or need to talk. And if I am incorrect about any of
this, my apologies and you can ignore my message. I miss you guys and the
neighborhood a lot. I hope everyone is well. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"All my love, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"[Cody].”<br />
<br />
Ron responded with “Thanks for reaching out. You are correct about [Scotty]. He
came out officially during his senior year. He hasn’t started dating yet, and
is still working at figuring things out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He tends to be more flamboyant. I honestly struggle with
that. I also really worry about how that will impact him. When he’s
uncomfortable, he reacts by going more flamboyant and making others
uncomfortable. I worry how that will impact relationships. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I have chatted with [my wife]’s brother who is gay, but he
is naturally very reserved and understated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I am working to be more supportive and loving. He and I
have butted heads since he was young. It’s been better since he came out
because he is more honest and open. I constantly wonder why Heavenly Father
sent him to me. I am always overwhelmed and afraid. I don’t know if this sounds
familiar. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I will be honest, I am not naturally supportive of the
LGBTQ+ population. I am really working to soften and change. I also really have
a hard time with anything flashy or flamboyant- straight or otherwise. That
makes things challenging. Mild understatement. But I am trying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I hope I haven’t offended you or made your life any more
difficult. I appreciate your friendship. Thanks for ‘listening.’</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“[Ron]”<br />
<br />
I answered, “Not at all. You haven’t offended me one bit. I think it’s often a
learning curve when a straight parent is learning to navigate the challenges of
understanding a gay child, particularly if the background and upbringing is
more conservative. The important thing to know is that, gay or straight, all
children have their own challenges and all children do things or make choices
that don’t necessarily please their parents. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I actually do want to share with you my [blog post] [which
I did]. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“As I read this [post], I recall that one of the things I
most admired about your son when I was in the [our ward] was his ability to
express himself without seemingly having any shame or embarrassment about it.
At the time (and still, really) I consider that an asset and a strength. Now if
his flamboyant behavior or appearance is simply to ruffle feathers or push
people’s buttons, that’s certainly a possibility, but I suspect his flamboyance
is something that makes himself feel free to be and express who he feels he is.
But you may be correct that it is also a defense mechanism. In any case, his
flamboyance may merely be a ‘pebble in your shoe’ that feels like an annoying
rock. In society, especially, we’re conditioned that boys should act and dress
a certain way and vice-versa for girls. But I wonder sometimes what difference
it really makes. <br />
<br />
“Coming from my own conservative background, I remember when I met my husband, [Jonah],
that I was sometimes uncomfortable with his flamboyance. In my case, it was
probably because I had been trying to suppress my gay feelings for so long that
anything that even smacked of ‘coloring outside the lines’ was uncomfortable
for me, and yet, I so longed myself to ‘color outside the lines’ and not feel
ashamed or scared of it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What’s important is that you are trying to be loving and
supportive. That’s what any child, gay or straight, needs most of all.
Certainly as a parent, your job is to counsel and teach your child, but it is
also to love them unconditionally and be willing to let go to allow them to
make their own choices and watch them succeed or fail and hopefully, learn and
find happiness wherever they can. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You know, when I first met my husband and realized I was
falling in love with him and eventually made the choice to share a life with
him, it wasn’t easy, but it felt right at the time, and I have not regretted it
ever. It was one of the best choices I have ever made. My brother… had a
difficult time with it at first, although to his credit, he has always shown
both [Jonah] and me much love and support. [Jonah] always jokes with my family
that he hopes I will buy him a big diamond ring someday. The last time I was in
Utah, [my brother] gave me my late grandmother’s diamond ring and said maybe I
could get the diamonds in it put in a new ring for Isaias. That seemingly tiny
gesture was so significant and moving to me because I know it was hard in the
beginning for [my brother]. He still believes what he believes, I’m sure, but
he just sees us as important people in his life who he loves and that means the
world to me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“The greatest thing my mom ever said to me when I was
struggling so much was, ‘I just want you to be happy, and if being with [Jonah]
makes you happy, you should be with him.’ She still believed in what she
believed, but allowed me to make my own choice and be who I needed to be.
Fighting against it will push children away, in the experience of many gay
people I know. It doesn’t mean you have to love or condone your child’s actions,
but allowing him to be who he wants to be and making sure he always knows he is
loved no matter what is vital. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“You said you sometimes wonder why God sent [Scotty] to you.
I would imagine it’s because he knew you and [your wife] would be the perfect
parents for that special young man (not that you would be perfect, mind you,
but that you would be the right set of parents for him), and that not only
could you teach and love him, but that he could teach you things as well. God
doesn’t make mistakes. He has given you a true gift in all of your children and
each one of them can teach you something valuable. Life doesn’t always go the
way we expect it to (in fact, more often than not, it doesn’t). I’m sure you,
like any parent, has had expectations for how your kids would be raised and
where they might end up. I suspect [Scotty] has a different path to tread than
what you might have expected or hoped. The lesson maybe, is to let him take
that path and know that you will always love and care for him wherever that
path may lead. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I would also say this: you said you are not naturally
supportive of the LGBTQ+ population. Just like any population, there are
positive and negative voices. For example, I think [Jonah] and I are pretty
normal, boring gays. Some of my gay friends are super flamboyant; some are
antagonistic; some are super intolerant; but others are pretty “vanilla,” like
we are; some are Christian; some are conservative. I guess the point is, we
don’t all fit in one box, just as there are many types of Mormons, for example.
I think sometimes what is seen on the news or in Pride parades or even on
social media can obscure that fact. I have many gay friends who I vehemently
disagree with about many things and then there are many that I have tons in
common with. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Last thing, you talk a lot about the fears you have. Just
remember, fear is a powerful tool of the adversary. I have often felt that the
opposite of love is not hate, but fear. With perfect love there can be no fear.
But we often fear that which we do not understand or the unknown. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I don’t know if any of this is helpful or comforting at
all. I just know I have been in [Scotty]’s shoes. Just keep loving him. Keep
trying. Keep searching for understanding. Keep letting him know that nothing he
does will ever change your love for him. Keep supporting him as best you are
able. Please continue to reach out if you ever need to talk. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I pray for the best for both you and [Scotty] and your
entire family.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“All my love, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“[Cody]”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ron’s final message was, “Thank you. Ask [Jonah] to give you
a big hug for me.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">I believe Ron will come around. I appreciate that he’s at
least trying to understand his son. I wish them well.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">I
do think it’s interesting that in my original post I mused about how I would be
curious to see what [Scotty] would be like ten years later, and now here we are
nearly ten years later. Funny how things have worked out.</span></span></span>Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-4164693666535426222018-03-22T01:12:00.000-07:002018-03-22T01:14:26.113-07:00Love, SimonWell, hey gang! How's everybody doing? It's been a long, long time since I posted. My sister was telling me the other day she wished I would blog again, so I thought, "What the heck?" I can't guarantee I will blog with any regularity as I once did, but I will blog today.<br />
<br />
It's not that I haven't had anything to blog about these past couple of years; I'm just lazy, quite frankly.<br />
<br />
So Jonah and I went to see the movie <i>Love, Simon</i> today.<br />
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<br />
If you don't know the film, it's about a young high schooler who is gay and struggling with coming out. He develops an anonymous online relationship with another closeted gay student and it's basically about him coming to terms with who he is.<br />
<br />
I really enjoyed it. I've read it's the first mainstream studio teen romantic comedy with a gay protagonist. Frankly, it would have been nice to have a movie like this when I was a young whipper-snapper. It's still tough for kids to come out of the closet, but man, it feels like it would be easier than when I was young or when those before me were struggling with their sexuality. <br />
<br />
The lead character of Simon is played by Nick Robinson, who I remember fondly from a popular series of Cox commercials a few years ago.<br />
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<br />
I really found myself getting emotional during much of the film. There is one moment (spoiler alert) where he tells a friend he is gay, and it is the first time he says it out loud to another person, and I started crying because I remember all too well that feeling of unburdening myself of something I had held so deep inside for so long and how wonderful and scary it felt to finally release it.<br />
<br />
Another character, after learning Simon is gay, tells him (and I'm paraphrasing) that it was like he had lived so many years of his life holding his breath and now finally he was able to exhale. I thought that was such an apt metaphor. My friend once told me it was like like I had been living my whole life in black and whit and now it was in color (also a great metaphor).<br />
<br />
The movie itself at first reminded me of those 80s comedies I loved so much in my youth (<i>The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink, Say Anything, Ferris Bueller's Day Off</i>, etc.) but really turned into something poignant and meaningful. I think anybody who is gay and struggling or anyone who has a gay family member should see it.<br />
<br />
What I liked, too, was how it approached just the concept that all high school students are at that age where they are trying to find themselves and know who they are. This one just happened to be gay. I also liked how realistic much of the film felt and yet how positively it treated the subject. The movie reminded me of so many facets of my life I experienced myself in dealing with my sexuality.<br />
<br />
I thought Nick Robinson was very good in the role. Really, I liked the whole cast. I was very touched by the film and am glad I saw it.<br />
<br />
But it also reminded me of where I once was and where I am now. Man, I'm so much happier and freer than I felt as that high school kid I once was. I wish those who fear homosexuality could see a film like this and understand what it's like to be on the other side. <br />
<br />
Anyway, I recommend seeing it.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-90726838740806688832016-01-21T02:11:00.002-08:002016-01-21T02:11:54.105-08:00What World Am I Living In?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span><img class="irc_mi" height="200" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1551535/images/o-REPUBLICAN-VS-DEMOCRAT-facebook.jpg" style="margin-top: 1px;" width="400" /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
sometimes think I must be living in some alternate reality than some of my
conservative friends and, heaven forbid, the people that are supporting Donald
Trump.<span> </span>The way some conservative friends
(many of whom I love and respect) talk, you’d think the Obama administration
was leading us into Armageddon.<span> </span>I get
it.<span> </span>Well, not really, but I get that
when you’re on one side of the political spectrum and the other side has a lot
of power that things don’t feel too awesome.<span>
</span>The eight years under George W. Bush really made me feel our country was
going in a bad direction, so I get that people who liked that direction think
Obama and his administration are leading us completely the wrong way from where
they want to go.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I’m
just one guy with one perspective, and as someone who has liked the direction
we’ve gone since Barack Obama became President, it’s hard for me to fully
understand what he’s done that has made conservatives so convinced that it will
pretty much be the Apocalypse if another Democrat is elected President and
continues his policies.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>And
the thing is, you can read or view anything that supports your view, whether
you are conservative, liberal, or somewhere in between.<span> </span>The media spins everything and depending on
what your news sources are, you can believe anything that supports your
views.<span> </span>I am as guilty of this on the
liberal side as my Fox-loving friends are on the conservative side.<span> </span>I try, actually, to read and view all sides
of an issue so that I can be better informed and, hopefully, understand the
truths and nuances they might be buried beneath all the hype and
mud-slinging.<span> </span>I am fully aware that
MSNBC, the Washington Post, and the Huffington Post, for example, are just as
skewed to a liberal point-of-view as Fox News, the Drudge Report, the New York
Post, and the National Review, for example, are skewed to the conservative
side.<span> </span>I know, for example, if someone
sends me a link to the Daily Kos that I may have to take it with a grain of
salt due to its heavy liberal slant just as much as I would do the same with
GlennBeck.com with its conservative slant.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>So I
get that other people in this country have an entirely different perspective
about what is going on in this country and I also understand that people are
having a very different experience with this administration and its policies
than I am.<span> </span>But I’m doing quite well
under this president and because I am it’s hard for me to relate to those who
think we’re living under some Nazi dictatorship.<span> </span>I have a really good job, my home value has
increased, I have great health insurance, I’m legally married to my husband, I think
the USA has a better reputation with other countries than we did under the Bush
administration, Obama has tried to keep this country out of war, my gay friends
can serve openly in the military, Osama bin Laden is out of our lives (though,
admittedly, we are still dealing with groups like ISIS and al-Qaeda), his
administration has tried to focus on green initiatives, which is important to
me, he's tried to help the middle class, of which I am a member, etc.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>When
we were in the throes of the recession our house was underwater, the company I
was working for was making drastic cuts and I wasn’t making much money, and I
wasn’t legally married to my husband, although I very much wanted to be.<span> </span>So my life has improved a lot during this
administration.<span> </span>Others’ lives have
improved as well.<span> </span>A dear friend of mine
who has dealt with chronic illness and a lack of health insurance due to
insurance companies’ unwillingness to insure him wrote this on his Facebook
page the other day: “It is also because of [Obama] that I have been able to
provide for my family for the past 5 years. His work has afforded my family to
live so I thank him in so many different ways. Thank you to the Obamas for all
they have done and all they might continue to do. We truly need more men and
women like them in this world.”<span> </span>I know
others who feel the same.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Granted,
I know other lives are not so great under this administration. <span> </span>Some people’s health premiums have skyrocketed
under Obamacare and, contrary to Obama’s promise that you could keep your same
doctor under his plan, that has not always proved to be true.<span> </span>People are still struggling economically and
do not see that the economy has gotten better the way it seems to have improved
for people like me.<span> </span>People employed in
the oil industry, for example, aren’t doing well at all.<span></span><span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;"> Stocks have gone down in many companies,
including Apple, Disney, and Walmart, the latter which has had to close many
stores (but don’t get me started on Walmart – that’s a whole separate post
about what a terrible company I think they are and how much of their downfall
is due to their own practices – still, I understand people are losing jobs, and
the economy is still struggling in some areas).</span></span> Many homes are still in foreclosure (although
my neighborhood is nowhere near what it was 6 years ago).<span> </span>People are worried Obama is trying to take
away their guns (and, by the way, he’s not).<span>
</span>Many religious people feel the country is in moral decay and that their
rights are being trampled on.<span> </span>People are
afraid of ISIS and undocumented immigrants and worry that Obama’s
administration has made our country less secure.<span> </span>So I get that everyone isn’t happy like I am. </span></span></div>
<br />
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>But
I am happy and I am much more optimistic that things will continue to be good
for me under someone like Bernie Sanders of Hillary Clinton (or even Martin O’Malley)
than they would under someone like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, or,
heaven forbid, Donald Trump.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
don’t even relate to anyone in the Republican batch of presidential candidates
this cycle.<span> </span>I actually quite liked John
McCain when he ran (until he picked Sarah Palin as his running mate, and then
he lost me because I couldn’t stand the idea of her being just a heartbeat away
from the presidency).<span> </span>I didn’t care too
much for Mitt Romney, but at least he seemed sane.<span> </span>But this current clown car of candidates I
just can’t quite get on board with.<span>
</span>Ironically, two of my least favorite candidates, Ted Cruz and Donald
Trump, are currently leading in the polls.<span>
</span>Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum (and withdrawn candidates
Bobby Jindal, Lindsey Graham, Scott Walker, and Rick Perry) I can’t (couldn’t)
stand.<span> </span>Ben Carson seems like a nice
enough fellow (although some of his ideas and beliefs seem a little out there
to me), but he is not presidential material, in my opinion.<span> </span>Rand Paul I have no strong opinion
towards.<span> </span>I admire him fighting for what
he believes in, but it’s not what I believe in.<span>
</span>Jeb Bush, who’s floundering terribly right now, seems almost reasonable
to me; I almost feel sorry for the guy.<span>
</span>But I also don’t agree with the policies he supports, so I wouldn’t vote
for him anyway (but who could have imagined 8 years ago that I would be so
sympathetic to a Bush?).<span> </span>I actually
think Marco Rubio would be a good president and would be a strong leader; he
just happens to support ideas I disagree with, so I can’t see myself voting for
him.<span> </span>I actually like Chris Christie and
John Kasich as people and if you put a gun to my head I could probably vote for
them, but when I see the three candidates on the Democratic side there’s just
no contest for me.<span> </span>Ted Cruz is too
extreme for my tests and has shown himself to be too uncompromising for my
taste.<span> </span>He’s way too right-wing for
me.<span> </span>I admire that he wants to fight for
the values he believes in, but he’s got super tunnel-vision, in my opinion.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>And
Donald Trump.<span> </span>Good gravy, what can I say
about this guy?<span> </span>When he first was
running, it seemed like a big joke (and maybe it still is – I wonder if Trump
really believes half the stuff he says of if he’s just pandering to his
base).<span> </span>But who could have guessed he’d
do so well in the polls?<span> </span>Certainly the
other Republican candidates didn’t.<span> </span>I’m
sure Jeb Bush just watches, slack-jawed, as Trump continues to trounce him in
the polls and wonders what the hell the Americans who support Trump are
thinking.<span> </span>I know I do.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I think the man is an ass.<span> </span>I think his
rhetoric is very anti-American and dangerous, but he seems to be riling up a
large swath of racist Americans.<span> </span>I always think
comparing people to Hitler is very hyperbolic, but some of Trump’s behavior
reminds me of Hitler.<span> </span>His talk of
building walls to keep Mexicans out and of banning Muslims from this country
strikes me as the very kind of rhetoric Hitler used to eradicate Jews and other
so-called “undesirables” from German society.<span> </span>When I was a kid I wondered how someone like Hitler even came to power. Didn't the people see what a monster he would become. And then I look at somebody like Trump and think, "Oh, it's very subtle." Not that Trump himself is subtle (and nor was Hitler), but that people want to find someone to blame for their troubles (the Jews, the blacks, the Muslims, the Mexicans, etc.) and when a leader riles those people up, watch out!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Now I'm not saying Trump is in the same league as Hitler; I'm just saying I think he's dangerous. I think he preys upon and exploits people's fears, and maybe that's my problems with a lot of the candidates in the Republican race for president (or maybe with the Republican party, in general): I think fear is a great motivator they use: fear of the next terrorist attack, fear that if we don't go to war our enemies will be out of control, fear that gay marriage will lead to the downfall of society, fear that Obama's trying to steal all your guns, fear that you need those guns because somebody is going to attack you, fear that your religious beliefs are being trampled, fear that the immigrants are stealing your jobs and invading your country, etc. And I'm not implying that those fears aren't always legitimate. Yeah, our enemies do attack and will continue to attack us; yeah, having a gun might protect you; yeah, some immigrants are a burden to the country, etc., but I feel things get so generalized at times - ALL your 2nd Amendment rights are being taken away; ALL immigrants are bad; ALL socialist programs are bad - and I don't think that's true.</span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I also find some of these Republican leaders so hypocritical (and, believe you me, I'm not saying Democratic leaders aren't hypocrites as well (I think Hillary can be a hypocrite on certain issues, for example). I mean, you're pro-life when it comes to abortions, but you won't lift a finger when it comes to all these gun deaths. So those lives don't matter? Those kids that were killed in Newtown, Connecticut aren't worth at least trying to do something to change the gun culture in this country? You don't think the government should be involved in marriage when two people of the same sex want to get married but the government can totally be in your business when it comes to a woman's reproductive rights? You worry about your religious rights being trampled if your a Christian, but maybe it doesn't apply so much if your a Muslim or an atheist? If Bill Clinton's having a sexual peccadillo with Monica Lewinsky, he's not fit for office while, you, Newt Gingrich, are having an affair yourself while his impeachment hearing is going on, and you somehow hold some moral high ground as Speaker of the House? You blame Democrats for overspending yet you didn't mind so much spending billions on a war that was built on misinformation, right? You say we should concentrate more on mental health issues than gun control when it comes to active shooters, but you won't support a health care system that might better help those people be able to afford good health care. In fact, you continually try to repeal the Affordable Care Act instead of trying to improve it or, heaven forbid, even come up with better alternative. I just find it all so frustrating.</span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>As for Donald, who is perhaps an anomaly in the party in which he is choosing to run (but still espouses beliefs and tactics that many in the Republican party feed on), I find him to be extremely arrogant, rude, sexist, racist, his
diplomatic relations are abominable, and so far has not offered any feasible or
specific policy plans.<span> </span>He keeps talking
about “making America great again,” but I think his behavior and rhetoric is
drawing out the kind of element that makes America look terrible and, ultimately, will make America terrible.<span> </span>I thought George W. Bush was an awful
president, but Donald Trump would beat him in that contest.<span> </span>Even Dick Cheney came out against him, and
when Dick Cheney is the voice of reason, you know there is seriously something
wrong with Donald Trump.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>And now he has the endorsement of that crazy loon, Sarah Palin, who, I'm sorry, is dumb as a rock. I watched her stump speech for him and was both dumbfounded and physically ill. I kept saying out loud, "I can't. I. Can't." These two buffoons together is beyond my comprehension. And the fact that people are falling all over themselves to support these two is incomprehensible to me. That woman can't even put together a coherent sentence. She talked about "squirmishes," and I yelled, "It's skirmish, you idiot!" but maybe "squirmish" was appropriate because "squirm-ish" was exactly how I was feeling listening to her ramblings while Trump nodded and smiled.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Republican party leaders and candidates are falling all over themselves trying
to figure out what to do because none of them want Trump to be the nominee
because they don’t think he can win against Hillary Clinton, the presumed
eventual Democratic nominee (although Bernie Sanders, who I quite like, looks like he may just give her a run for her money).<span> </span>I kind of hope Trump doesn't get the nomination and runs as a third party candidate because that would be disastrous
for the Republicans because he would surely split the vote.<span></span> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Frankly,
I still don’t think Trump will win the nomination nor do I think he can win, but I
also I didn’t ever expect him to get this far, which frankly, has been disconcerting.<span></span> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
think I get what people see in Trump (or Ben Carson or Bernie Sanders on the
other side and Ted Cruz, to a point).<span>
</span>People like that these people aren’t afraid to speak their mind and that
they’re unfiltered and, especially in Trump’s case, don’t spout a bunch of
talking points, but just speak their mind.<span>
</span>But Trump is unbelievable to me.<span>
</span>I really think, “Is there anything this guy can do that will turn his
base off?”<span> </span>I’m beginning to believe
not.<span> </span>People are sick of the
establishment and like that Trump says exactly what’s on his mind (and what’s
probably on their minds) and, political correctness be damned, he’s going to
say it.<span> </span>I find him repugnant.<span> </span>I truly hope he’s just playing a huge joke on
the American people, but if this man somehow becomes president, we are in
trouble.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>A
friend of mine, a friend a like; a woman who’s very religious, wrote recently
on her Facebook page in response to some racist propaganda she received, “This
is why we can't allow the refugees in. This scares me! It's hard enough to
trust people now as it is but if this is what we're facing then we're in big
trouble!” and posted a meme that said, “One nation under God, not Allah.<span> </span>Share if you agree,” and I was stunned.<span> </span>I thought, “Does she really believe that the
majority of those Syrian refugees she referred to are just poor civilians
trying to escape their war-torn homeland or that the Allah those Muslims pray
to is not as dear to them as the Christian-based God she prays to (or that they’re
not one and the same God)?”<span> </span>And I
thought, “This kind of rhetoric is exactly what people like Trump are inciting
in people.”<span> </span>I found it ironic that this
same friend also quoted Martin Luther King: “He who passively accepts evil is
as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil
without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Another
friend, one I like less and respect less than the aforementioned friend, put a
meme on her Facebook wall that said, “If a shooting by a weirdo with a bad
haircut is cause for banning Confederate flags, removing statues of Confederate
soldiers and erasing southern history then the shooting by Muslims in San
Bernardino is cause for banning the hijab, Muslim symbols and all mosques on
American soil, right?<span> </span>Fair is fair.”<span> </span>And I know there are people, perhaps even
people reading this right now, that agree with these sentiments.<span> </span>Lots of people all over America agree with
these sentiments.<span> </span>I can’t imagine people
like Trump would have the groundswell of support they do without such people
with such sentiments.<span></span> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Did
you see the silent Muslim woman protester kicked out of a Trump rally?<span> </span>It wasn’t the getting kicked out part that
bothered me so much, but the hate and anger that was spewing from the mouths of
some of Trump’s supporters.<span> </span>It is vile
to me.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I’ve
watched all the debates this election cycle, both Republican and
Democratic.<span> </span>I have to say that the
cordiality Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton have shown one another, even when
they disagree on policy points is such a stark contrasr to the name-calling I
see from someone like Trump.<span> </span>It just
shows a real lack of maturity to me.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Now
on the Democrat side, I’ve always liked Hillary Clinton, but I’d be a fool if I
didn’t say that she can be very disingenuous, sometimes dishonest, and
certainly will say whatever she needs to to get elected.<span> </span>She can be a hypocrite on certain issues.<span> </span>I think she’s overly-ambitious.<span> </span>Still, I agree with many of the policies she
supports and I’d certainly vote for her over any of the Republican candidates
simply because she would take the country at least in a similar direction as
Obama (and, as I stated at the beginning of this post, I’ve been quite content
under his leadership).</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Martin
O’Malley.<span> </span>Poor guy, trying to remain
relevant but getting lost beneath all the Sanders/Clinton media hype.<span> </span>I like him.<span>
</span>I think he’d do a decent job, but he’s not going to win the nomination.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
quite like Bernie Sanders.<span> </span>I like his
ideas and philosophies overall, although I don’t agree with him on everything,
and I do wonder how we really will pay for all the big dreams he has for this
country.<span> </span>I also think, regardless of his
current popularity, that it will be hard for a self-avowed Democratic Socialist
to get elected, and if the Republicans in Congress who have fought against
Obama thought he was bad, I can’t imagine what they will think of Sanders.<span> </span>If Congress is controlled by Republicans,
good luck getting any of those policy ideas turned into laws, Bernie.<span> </span>Those Republicans will fight you tooth and
nail.<span> </span>Still, I admire his convictions
and how consistent he’s been throughout his political career.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>No
matter who the eventual nominees are for President on both the Republican and
Democratic tickets, it is already clear at this point that I will be voting for
the Democratic nominee, whomever it ends up being.</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;">It's certainly turning out to be an interesting race to the White House. Time will tell. I just hope it's a result I like.</span></span></div>
<br />
Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-78279356710802610832016-01-18T21:01:00.000-08:002016-01-18T21:02:32.155-08:00Glad To Have Lost The Lottery<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-size: small;"> I
have only played the lottery twice in my life.
The first was many years ago when I lived in Bakersfield,
California. My work was right next to a
convenience store and being from Utah, I had never played the lottery
before. On a lark I bought a ticket and
didn’t win anything.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I am
not a gambler. I don’t like taking
risks. I like sure things, and I
certainly don’t like flushing my money down the toilet, which is what gambling
is to me. When in Vegas I rarely gamble,
and when I do I have a specified amount of money (no more than $5) and play
only for fun. The very few times I have
played, I always felt guilty for wasting my money. If I ever get ahead, I usually stop
immediately (hey, $5.36 is 36ȼ more than I had when I started.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">The
second time I played the lottery was this past Wednesday. Even though I knew the odds of winning the
Powerball were worse than getting hit by an asteroid, winning an Academy Award,
or dying from any cause in the next 30 seconds, I thought it would be fun to
play. I spent very little on my ticket
and, of course, had no expectation of winning (or even that any of my numbers
would be chosen). I actually did it as a
bonding experience with my mother-in-law, who wanted to play. And, after all, somebody has to win, right?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><img alt="Image result for powerball" class="rg_i" data-sz="f" height="300" name="Q6kJjUf_8J38RM:" 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" style="height: 189px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; width: 252px;" width="400" /> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
</div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">As
soon as I purchased the ticket, I knew I had made a mistake. A feeling of dread actually filled my
body. I didn’t actually want to
win. Why, you ask? After all, if you won $1.5 billion, which was
what the jackpot was, you’d never have to worry about money again. Even if you split that with other winners,
you’d still have millions of dollars.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">The
thing is, people think money will solve all their problems. It won’t.
If you aren’t happy now, winning the lottery isn’t going to bring you
happiness. Time and time again we hear
stories of lottery winners who say their lives were ruined from winning the
lottery. You hear stories of people who
win millions and then go bankrupt because of poor money management or bad
investments. I was watching a news story
where they were asking various people what they would spend the money on if
they won, and one guy in all seriousness said, “Hookers and cocaine,” the
embarrassed reporter immediately withdrew from him because that, obviously, is
not the kind of answer she was looking for.
But it brought up a good point for me: that guy is not happy. If he’s trying to find happiness in drugs or
meaningless sexual relationships, he is not happy. Winning a billion dollars is not going to
take away any pain or heartache he has in his life and chances are high that he
will use that money to further bury himself in things that will not make him
happy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
read a statistic that Americans spent $70.15 billion on lottery tickets in
2014. The majority of people who play
the lottery are from below-average income households. That means that many, if not most, people who
play the lottery are spending the precious income they have on a venture that
most likely will give them nothing back in return. The poor spend more of their income on the
lottery than rich people do and can afford it less. And I’m assuming that if these people are so desperate
to spend their precious income on a losing venture, they probably aren’t very
happy with their current circumstances.
Winning a great deal of money can be life-changing, but it is not a
recipe for happiness.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"> </span><img class="irc_mi" src="http://plimages.blob.core.windows.net/article-images/sad111_image.jpg" height="200" style="margin-top: 56px;" width="200" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Now
I actually am happy. Would extra money
be nice? Sure. But I also think of the problems that could
come with winning such an exorbitant amount of money. The scammers, the loss of anonymity, the
friendships or relationships that could be wrecked by financial conflicts, the
constant barrage of people and charities who want your help, but your inability
to help everyone, the assumption that because you have a large sum of money you’ll
be expected to pay for everything, the “friends” who come out of the woodwork
suddenly cozying up to you because they know you have money, the
dissatisfaction that comes from being able to buy practically anything you want
without having to work for it, etc.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">If I
did get a large sum of money, I would want it to be an inheritance or gift that
nobody knew about so that I could handle it in my own way, privately, without
added eternal pressures. I actually don’t
think I’d change my lifestyle too much.
I’d continue to work, would probably drive the same car, wouldn’t make
many lavish purchases; I might move to a nicer home or travel a little more and
would want to donate to more causes that I believe in, but overall, if I had a
lot of money, those around me probably wouldn’t know. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
worry that Jonah, who likes to shop and buy nice things, would go a little
overboard. I would probably, unfortunately,
be extremely tight with money, even if I had a large amount of it. But I would want to help family members, such
as my mother-in-law and my sister, who could really use it. As I was talking to my mother-in-law about
the lottery, I realized she would probably make a lot of foolish choices if she
had access to that kind of money, but I do feel bad because you can tell money
is a real concern for her. Jonah
already does so much to support her; we wish we could do more.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
remember many years ago my mom had these cassette tapes of this sales guru
named Tom Hopkins. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><img class="irc_mi" src="http://www.tomhopkins.com/images/tomhopkins2.gif" height="200" style="margin-top: 13px;" width="173" /> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">They were actually
really good self-improvement tapes. I
remember him telling a story about someone who won a lottery or sweepstakes who
lost all the money and making the case that if a person’s self-image does not
equal their gains in life, they will lose them.
Something along those lines – he made the same case about people who get
plastic surgery but still feel unattractive – because their self-image (what’s
inside) is low, and no matter how much money they get or how much plastic
surgery they get, until the inside problem is fixed nothing given to them
externally will help.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
actually think I’d manage lottery winnings well, but I feel like winning a lot
of many could also come with a lot of headaches.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
I was relieved when I didn’t
win – and I didn’t win anything…except the knowledge that I don’t want to play
the lottery again.</span></div>
Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-69184223944128058812015-10-21T00:36:00.000-07:002015-10-21T00:36:30.735-07:00Disturbing DreamI very rarely have nightmares or unpleasant dreams, but last night's was kind of disturbing. I dreamed I was meeting this professor and to get there I was directed to take a road which was along side an ocean. As I took the road in my silver Honda Accord the road went from pavement to dirt and eventually it became hard to tell where the road even was as it was covered with shrubbery and water. Because the ocean was level with the road, they became hard to differentiate. I crossed what I thought was a puddle, but it was the ocean itself, and my car was swept away and began to sink.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, my perspective changed. I was on a bridge above the sinking car, but I knew I was still in the car. I watched as the rear end of my silver Honda (with me inside) disappeared under the water. The me on the bridge tried to call the me in the car, but I didn't answer. I then knew that I must have drowned and died, and all I could think of was, "How will Jonah be able to survive without me?" and I just felt so concerned about him.<br />
<br />
Anyway, it was a strange dream, but my death felt very real even though I seemed to witness it from an outside perspective. Anyway, it seemed worth recording.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-30408828741362373612015-10-15T23:53:00.001-07:002015-10-15T23:55:21.072-07:00A Great Big World<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
Well, I know it's been an enormously long time since I posted, but<span style="font-size: small;"> I
have a lot of thoughts swirling around my head. I’m not sure if this will
come out as coherently as I would like or if it will just come out as
prattle. I hope it will be the former. </span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">So I
heard this song recently by the group A Great Big World (they’re the ones that
did the hit song “Say Something,” which I also really liked). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iAxehzHCae4/ViBN4BK6AnI/AAAAAAAACoY/WJB8gP8U4-s/s1600/Great%2BBig%2BWorld.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-iAxehzHCae4/ViBN4BK6AnI/AAAAAAAACoY/WJB8gP8U4-s/s320/Great%2BBig%2BWorld.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Their newest song is called “Hold Each
Other,” and I immediately liked it the first time I heard it (in fact, that
song and “Say Something” have inspired me to listen to their lesser known
stuff, which I’ve discovered I also really like).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">“Hold
Each Other” starts out as a traditional sounding song as Ian Axel sings the
first verse:</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>“I miss the words we used to say</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I miss the sounds of yesterday</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I miss the games we used to play like ohhh</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I was trapped inside a dream</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I couldn't see her next to me</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I didn't know she'd set me free like ohhh</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>Something happens when I hold her</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>She keeps my heart from getting older</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>When the days get short and the nights get a little
bit colder</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>We hold each other</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>We hold each other</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>We hold each other, mmm</i>,”</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">but then the song takes an
interesting turn as Chad King (born Vaccarino) sings the second verse (and
these are the words that really resonated with me):</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"> <i>“Everything
looks different now</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>All this time my head was down</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>He came along and showed me how to let go</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>I can't remember where I'm from</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>All I know is who I've become</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>That our love has just begun like ohhh</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>Something happens when I hold him</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>He keeps my heart from getting broken</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>When the days get short and the nights get a little
bit frozen</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>We hold each other</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>We hold each other</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>We hold each other, mmm"</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
remember when I first heard the song I was taken aback by a male singer singing
about his love for another man, but it also touched me deeply. I later learned that Chad King is gay, and
that Ian Axel convinced him to change the lyrics (which were originally “she”
and “her”) to reflect his own truth.
King was originally hesitant, but realized he had to do it, and so
that’s what he did.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">When
I read the above lyrics they easily describe the feelings of my own heart when
it comes to Jonah. I think about my
life growing up in the LDS Church and how I tried so hard to live that life and
be that person, and Jonah <i>is</i> the
person who “came along and showed me how to let go.” And it is true, in a sense I have forgotten
how it felt to be in that world and the pain, confusion, and heartache that was
so much a part of my life trying to live in a box I just didn’t fit in. All I know now is “who I’ve become” and how
happy I am. Jonah is my support and my
rock, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">That
being said, let me say something that is true (for me, at least): being raised
a Mormon is one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I owe so much
of my life and good qualities to the way my parents raised me with those
particular beliefs and standards. But it
is also equally true that being excommunicated from that religion is one of the
best things that has happened to me, and I owe so much of my happiness and
emotional well-being to not being tied to those religious obligations and
practices any more. Many of the
standards and values of the LDS Church are still very much a part of my life,
but there are others that aren’t, and that’s okay.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">It
so happens that Jonah and I won the lottery for $25 front row tickets for the
touring company of <i>The Book of Mormon</i> recently. I really felt it would
happen, so much so that I dressed up as if I would be attending. My name was the second one called, and our
seats were fabulous. You could see the
performers up close and so many details that would be missed if you were in the
back somewhere.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VsYyhn3DNPg/TcuP1Yv6c4I/AAAAAAAAAO0/JZbbPdTZyG8/s1600/BOM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VsYyhn3DNPg/TcuP1Yv6c4I/AAAAAAAAAO0/JZbbPdTZyG8/s1600/BOM.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">At a party once I was able to view a <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2011/09/unique-productions.html" target="_blank">bootleg copy</a> of the Broadway
version of <i>The Book of Mormon</i>. I liked much of it at the time, but was
offended by some of it and also bothered by the fact that I felt like audience
members were laughing at my religion in an unkind and less than loving way. I didn’t feel that way about the writers; if
anything, I actually think they admire Mormons even if they think their beliefs
might be a little kooky.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">At
the time I saw the bootleg copy I had been excommunicated for a little over two
years, I believe, and I was still attending church. Now it’s been more than six years, and I feel
like I was able to watch the show from a more removed perspective. I reread my thoughts from three previous posts (<a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2011/05/book-of-mormon-musical.html" target="_blank">1</a>, <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2011/05/book-of-mormon-musical-afterthought.html" target="_blank">2</a>, <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2011/09/unique-productions.html" target="_blank">3</a>) regarding the show which talked about how I felt upon
listening to the score for the first time and seeing the bootleg copy. Those thoughts actually haven’t changed
much. The things I found sweet I still
find sweet. The things I found clever I
still find clever. The things that made
me cringe and uncomfortable still make me feel that way. The things I found funny I still find
funny. I think the difference this time
was because I knew what I was getting into I was no longer shocked or surprised
by the things I don’t care for and was just able to sit back back and watch and
appreciate it. I laughed and smiled a
lot, and there were also times when I shook my head in disapproval. But I liked it, and I thought the cast did a
really great job, particularly the actress who played Nabulungi. She had a killer voice. I was entertained and it was certainly worth
what we paid.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
think this quote from <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2011/05/book-of-mormon-musical.html" target="_blank">this post</a> is still quite accurate: “While not
always a fan of the crass humor that Matt Stone and Trey Parker exhibit…I do
think they have a gift for satire and are sometimes quite clever. Often they
push the envelope too far for my personal taste, but I guess that's what satire
is often about…I guess what I'm saying is that I actually appreciate some of
the things Parker and Stone have to say; I just don't always appreciate the way
they say it. And I'm sure that would be the case if I ever saw this show
(which, I do not hesitate to add, I would do if given the opportunity - I don't
think you can really judge the value of a show without experiencing it
yourself).”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">So
now I’ve seen it, and I think the show uses satire well to raise some valid
points both about Mormonism and organized religion in general. One thing that hit me a little differently
this time around that I wasn’t expecting was towards the end of the show was
this exchange that occurs after the missionaries have been told they must go
home for teaching false doctrine:</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER PRICE: Woa –woa Elders where are you going?</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER MCKINLEY: What do you mean “Where are we going?”
We’ve been shut down.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER NEELEY: Yeah, we have to go home.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER PRICE: “Who says we have to?”</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER ZELDER: “What?</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>(PRICE gets in the middle of everyone.)</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER PRICE: Look, we all wanted to go on a mission so
we could spend two years of our lives helping people out. So let’s DO it!</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER NEELEY: But the mission president said we’re all
as far from Latter-Day Saints as it gets!</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER PRICE: No… You know what guys? F*** HIM.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>(Everyone looks a little shocked.)</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>ELDER PRICE: We are STILL Latter-Day Saints. ALL of us.
Even if we change some things, or break the rules, or have complete
doubt that God exists… We can still work together to make THIS our paradise
planet.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">And
tears came to my eyes because I had always believed that when I was
excommunicated somehow my life would implode or that the powers of hell would
descend upon me, and you know what? That
just isn’t true. And regardless of how
my life has changed since I was excommunicated or the choices I have made I
will always have Mormonism deep in my heart and being, and that’s a good
thing. Much of who I am, both good and
bad, is because of the religion I was raised in, and I value and cherish
that. When I look back on my life, both
the good, bad, pleasant, and unpleasant, I don’t think I would change a thing
(well, maybe I would have stuck with piano lessons and maybe I would have tried
to be a little less lazy as a kid) because all of my experiences have made me
the man I am today, and I like the person I am.
My positive and negative experiences have shaped this life and each one
of them is valuable.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Recently,
I also came across a video in my Facebook news feed which featured a man I met
and had lunch with several years ago. Prior
to this lunch, I did not know him in person. I don't even remember how we met
(I know it was online and was based on our desire at the time to live according
to the teachings of the LDS Church and not give in to our homosexual
attractions). Our meeting with each other was simply born out of a desire to
connect with someone who was going through the same issues. Our lunch was was
not super l<span class="textexposedshow">ong, and this was the only time we ever
met and talked to one another in person. He was in the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
at the time, and it was just nice to connect and discuss with someone the
issues we were each having; to not feel so alone because someone else
understood what the other was going through. As I came across this video I recognized
John immediately. I am so glad we are both in a place of greater peace today
and that we both have managed to balance our Mormonism and our sexuality. I
always wondered what became of John, and now I'm glad I know that he is in a
happier place (as am I) than we were when we first met. If you have the time,
watch the video. I was really moved by it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"> </span>If you watch 6:12 to end, that's what really resonated with me. I actually relate to so much of what he says.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;">
When General Conference
happened this week I was initially feeling critical. Three Apostles have died since the last conference
(L.Tom Perry, Richard G. Scott, and Boyd K. Packer), and I thought it might be
a great opportunity for the LDS Church to demonstrate some diversity that more
accurately reflects its worldwide presence.
Instead, all three were white men from Utah. If the LDS Church is indeed run by and
inspired by the Lord himself, it does trouble me why he seems so sexist,
racist, homophobic, and exclusive based on the decisions the leaders of the
Church make on his behalf (I’m not saying God is those things; I’m saying that
the way the LDS Church is run, it gives off that pereception). I was also initially critical because there
have been rumors that Thomas S. Monson is not physically or mentally in a place
where he can effectively run the Church anymore, and it hearkened back to days
when Ezra Taft Benson or Spencer W. Kimball were so sick and frail and made you
wonder if they were really able to effectively act as President of the Church.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hJ9_1KfCg5I/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/hJ9_1KfCg5I?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
But my heart eventually
softened. Greg Trimble recently wrote on
<a href="http://www.gregtrimble.com/president-monson-i-wish-i-could-have-come-and-held-you-up/" target="_blank">his blog</a>, regarding Thomas S. Monson’s recent conference address where his
strength began to fail him, <i>“I can’t imagine what the last couple years, let
alone months have been like for President Monson. His amazing wife Frances who
has supported him and been with him through everything, passed away. The
world’s values are exponentially declining and effecting members of the church.
He feels a responsibility to be there for them and comfort them.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<i><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-size: small;">“It
has now become commonplace for people to show up at conference to show their
opposition to him in person. This sweet 88 year old man has done nothing but
serve people for an entire lifetime and now has to deal with hearing the phase ‘the
vote has been noted’ over and over again every 6 months. That has had to take a
toll on him.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<i><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-size: small;">“He
has had to watch three of his best friends pass away within the last few
months. He’s had to speak and preside at their services, attend to their
families, and is expected to be the one that is lifting others spirits. He’s
had the monumental task of not only presiding over the church ‘short
handed’, but calling three new apostles. He’s the one that mentally has to bear
the scrutiny, the questioning, the speculating. All of this has had to take a
toll on him.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<i><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-size: small;">“How
does a person get to sleep at night with that kind of burden…and yet here he
was Sunday morning, speaking first, ramping up the strength to stand up once
again and bring messages of goodness to all of those that love, respect, and
look up to this Christian soldier.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i></i><br />
Now I’m not saying the LDS
Church doesn’t have its flaws or challenges, but it brought back to me
something disparaging a friend recently said about Pope Francis. A lot of people were praising the Pope
because he seems to “walk the walk” a lot of the time, whether it’s helping the
poor, embracing the diseased, and trying to be more inclusive and loving. My friend said, “Ok, so Pope Francis might be
more awesome than most of his crappy Catholic predecessors but let's take it
easy on the worship and keep in mind that he still works for an organization
that won't let women hold positions of authority and is openly against birth
control (aka the freedom for women to choose their futures and have real
opportunity in this world). I get that he's better but let's be honest, that's
not saying a whole lot. I figured out most of what he says a long time ago and
no one sings my praises. Then again, I have a vagina, and according to this
same awesome Pope, that means I'm more inclined to be good at cooking for my
litter of children than using my brain, so what do I know.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5iD-s2LQpj0/ViCdgQyYcbI/AAAAAAAACoo/f3andlDrgfM/s1600/Pope%2BFrancis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5iD-s2LQpj0/ViCdgQyYcbI/AAAAAAAACoo/f3andlDrgfM/s320/Pope%2BFrancis.jpg" width="253" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Okay,
she’s right in that the Catholic Church holds an antiquated view toward women,
for example (and the same can be said for the LDS Church), but there was a part
of me that just thought, “Can we at least try to focus more on the good he’s
doing than on what he or his church might lack?” I see both the Catholic Church and the LDS
Church becoming more progressive (okay, it’s been really slow), but there have
been changes even in my lifetime in some of the attitudes I see in both leaders
and individual members. There has also
been frustration, too – I get it. I
guess my point is that none of these people are perfect; they’re doing their
best and I think they’re also really trying to do what they believe is right
(now whether you or I believe it is right may be another story). I’m not saying we should just cut them some
slack and settle for the status quo. I’m
not saying we shouldn’t sound off our voices when we feel injustice is being
perpetrated. I’m saying that we should
at least celebrate the good in addition to criticizing the bad.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I
actually like this pope. I think he has
a genuine heart and is trying to practice what he believes Christ taught. Even when I thought he might have met with
and supported Kim Davis (she’s a piece of work, but at least admire that she’s
fighting for what she believes in even if I vehemently disagree with her), I
still liked him because one bad move doesn’t erase all the good a person can
do. I think Thomas S. Monson and the leaders of the Mormon Church are good men,
too. I don’t always agree with them, but
I don’t think they’re bad or ill-intentioned men.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"> I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I guess it goes back to “Hold Each Other” by
A Great Big World: a few days ago I watched the music video for the first time,
and I just loved it. The whole thing
starts in black and white and gradually moves into full blown color. It seems to be about love and inclusiveness,
and I just adored that message.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">My former neighbor, who attended my excommunication, once said about me, “[Cody] was kind of a
black-and-white movie. Then Jonah came into his life, and it was like that
scene in the 'Wizard of Oz' that goes from black-and-white to color. I felt
like light and happiness had come back into his life.” This video reminded me of that quote.</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lC3Ok3esrHc/ViCeVfsYnmI/AAAAAAAACow/tGYGUacWfsM/s1600/Wizard%2Bof%2BOz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lC3Ok3esrHc/ViCeVfsYnmI/AAAAAAAACow/tGYGUacWfsM/s640/Wizard%2Bof%2BOz.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">With
all the things that are happening lately (gun violence, political differences,
anti-gay sentiment, terrorism, etc.) it just reminds me that the problems of
the world are so often the result of fear and hate, and I love that this song
represents the opposite of that. I love
the symbolic heart they make at the end of the video. I think there is too much hate, derision, and
tearing down in this world. I'm all for love, peace, and building one another
up. Sometimes I fail, but I strive to do what I can to make this world a more
uplifting and loving place. I think this song captures that spirit.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Just
read the online comment section of a newspaper or the comments on a
controversial Facebook post and it’s clear to see that we often are in the
business of tearing people down or ridiculing each other. I’m tired of it. I just wish we lived in a kinder, more
compassionate world.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">There
is too much hate and divisiveness in this world. Look at the political landscape or the recent
shootings in Roseburg (just fifteen minutes from my sister’s house) and Arizona
or the racial divides or sexual divides in this country. Look at all the war and terrorism. Look at all the name-calling and immaturity. It’s just exhausting, and I think, “Is this
the kind of world we want to live in?”
There is too much selfishness, pettiness, greed, and hate in this
world. I just get tired of it. All I can do is try to put as much positivity
and kindness in my own corner of the world as I can. We each can influence others for the good or
for the bad; I try to be a force for good.
I hope I am. I know I fall short
sometimes, too. I can be impatient or
selfish or lose my temper. But I try to
be a force for peace and love and optimism.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Anyway,
I’m not sure I got out what I even wanted to get out, but those are my thoughts
for today.</span></div>
Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-12737327557000780522015-02-27T23:49:00.001-08:002015-02-27T23:50:11.422-08:00The Green-Eyed Monster Rears His Ugly Head AgainSome time ago I wrote these two posts (<a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2007/06/green-eyed-monster.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2007/08/his-luck-just-ran-out-lessons-from.html" target="_blank">here</a>) about a friend of mine. If you've read my blog on a consistent basis you'll know that this friend (Jake, I call him) served time in prison and blew his chance when he was in a work-release program (which I talk about <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2013/01/disappointed.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2013/08/how-many-chances.html" target="_blank">here</a>). Jake has been a constant source of frustration for both Jonah and me. He can often be so self-centered and selfish and often uses people to his own advantage. We both helped Jake when he got out of prison. We helped arrange his bail. I put up my own money to cover his bail when his parents' check was made out to the wrong court. We housed him when he was paroled. We attended his hearings. Another of his friends gave him a job. And we just feel that Jake kind of put his own interests above those that helped him once he got what he needed from them, including us.<br />
<br />
Jake and I were in the same graduate program and his arrogance and ingratitude really turned me off. Although I corresponded with him while he was in prison, I always felt guarded with him; always afraid his pride would get the best of him, which it sometimes did. Jonah, who is such a giving person, wanted to help Jake, but like me, Jonah eventually discovered that Jake can be an unappreciative user. We're both kind of over him. We remain cordial, but distant.<br />
<br />
I was reading Jake's Facebook post and saw that he had been cast at the Utah Shakespeare Festival this summer. I'm not proud of it, but my first feelings were annoyance and jealousy. I have auditioned for the Utah Shakespeare Festival probably ten times now. I've always wanted to work there, but it is very competitive. While a couple of my auditions were not as up to snuff as I would have liked, most have gone well. The casting directors have always been very complimentary, and each year I am hopeful that it will finally be my year to work there. So I admit when I read that my friend had been cast, I admit my feelings were not very congratulatory. I always feel like Jake just sort of floats into good luck without ever really having to work for it, and I often find it frustrating, and it especially stings when I have so wanted something and tried for years to get it, and he gets it so easily so quickly, it seems.<br />
<br />
So many of his Facebook friends were so congratulatory and complimentary, and I just wasn't in the mood. I know it's petty of me, but it's what I was feeling at the time. I had to remind myself that I have a job I like, and maybe that's where I'm supposed to be right now. I'm also teaching, and there is something gratifying about that, and maybe I'm meant to be with these kids right now. I also reminded myself that I am an Equity actor and Jake is not, and there are less Equity spots (which are also more competitive) than non-Equity spots.<br />
<br />
Still, at the time I actually felt like crying. I'm not one to normally cry, "woe is me" or feel sorry for myself, but for a bit yesterday that's exactly how I felt. I admit it. Now I'm moving on. Maybe soon enough I'll feel happy for Jake, but I'm not quite there yet. Fortunately, I usually get past stuff like this pretty quickly.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-5853167398860103892015-02-02T15:00:00.000-08:002015-02-02T15:00:01.014-08:00Clark JohnsonClark Johnsen is an acquaintance of mine. I've always liked him and many of his thoughts and philosophies echo my own experiences and way of thinking. He's a good guy and I've often admired his views.<br />
<br />
When I was dealing with my own coming out trials, he had some videos on YouTube called "A Gay Mormon Perspective" that were of great comfort to me and helped me feel less alone.<br />
<br />
Clark recently did an interview with John Dehlin, and I liked much of
what he had to say, particularly in the first episode. <a href="http://mormonstories.org/clark-johnsen-from-byu-to-broadways-book-of-mormon-musical/" target="_blank">Here are both episodes</a>. They are worth a listen, although there is some very strong
language that some listeners may find offensive. Watch and listen at
your own risk. <br />
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Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-68988920572971157302015-02-02T02:15:00.001-08:002015-02-02T02:15:43.636-08:00Progress?Well, it's been awhile since I've written. My apologies; I've been busy. In addition to my normal job I've also taken a job as an adjunct professor of acting at a local community college. I'm teaching three classes (two on Tuesdays and Thursdays and one on Saturday). I'm enjoying it, but both jobs leave very little free time.<br />
<br />
I did want to write about the LDS Church's recent announcement regarding gay rights and religious freedom. For those who may not be aware, the LDS Church came out in favor of statewide anti-discrimination laws for gay people in Utah and encouraged the state legislature to pursue that. Heading a press conference were Apostles Dallin H. Oaks, D. Todd Christofferson, and Jeffrey R. Holland as well as Neill Marriott, second counselor in the Young Women's Presidency. You can read about it <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/lifestyle/faith/2106982-155/in-major-move-mormon-leaders-call" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/lifestyle/faith/2118107-155/balancing-lgbt-religious-rights-wont-be" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
There is a catch, however. The LDS Church also wants laws put in place
that will protect them and other faith-based organizations and
individuals from religious discrimination if they desire not to marry a
gay couple, for example. The LDS Church admits that drawing the line
won't be easy and could get "murky." You can read about that <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/lifestyle/faith/2118107-155/balancing-lgbt-religious-rights-wont-be" target="_blank">here</a> and also watch D. Todd Christofferson and Dallin H. Oaks respond to questions in this video: <br />
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<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://ytimg.googleusercontent.com/vi/UIJ6gL_xc-M/0.jpg" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UIJ6gL_xc-M?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />Some media outlets, such as the <a href="http://takingnote.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/01/27/on-discrimination-the-mormon-church-gives-and-takes-away/?_r=0" target="_blank">New York Times</a> and the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bishop-gene-robinson/dear-mormons-thanks-but-n_b_6580318.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices&ir=Gay%20Voices" target="_blank">Huffington Post</a> (<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brooke-p-hunter/how-the-mormons-punked-th_b_6564238.html?utm_hp_ref=gay-voices" target="_blank">here</a>, too), have accused the LDS Church of making this move simply to gain the legal right to discriminate, and there may very well be some truth in that. Some of my friends applaud this move by the LDS Church; others view it with a more cynical eye. I can see both sides.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Here's my point-of-view: when I think about where I was 25 years ago, a young, confused, very-in-the-closet, gay-but-not-wanting-to-be-gay Mormon and how little the issues I was dealing with were even addressed in the LDS Church (and on the rare occasions they were, it was always in negative terms), I never would have imagined that three apostles from my former church would be talking openly about these issues at all or that the LDS Church (regardless of the reason) would be supporting gay rights of any kind, let alone even talking about them. To me, progress is progress. With the LDS Church, progress regarding gay issues or gay rights has been slow and, often, filled with ignorance. 25 years ago anything dealing with homosexuality seemed so taboo in the LDS Church. Nobody talked about it, and it was a very lonely time for this particular Mormon boy.<br /><br />It seemed very far from my world then that I would ever be able (or even want) to marry another man and even a couple of years ago, I never would have thought I could do so (and eventually did) in my home state of Utah. I never could have imagined an LDS sponsored website called mormonsandgays.com (or even an internet, for that matter). I never would have imagined a group called Mormons Building Bridges marching in Gay Pride parades. I never would have imagined church leaders could be at all sympathetic to the plight of gay members. I never could have imagined that the LDS Church would ever change its views on encouraging gay people to get married heterosexually to "fix" their "problem." I never would have imagined that an openly gay individual might serve in a leadership position as someone like Mitch Mayne has done. I never imagined that church leaders would soften their rhetoric on homosexuality (Boyd K. Packer notwithstanding). <br /><br />My point is, regardless of where the LDS Church currently stands on its treatment of LGBTQ individuals, progress has been made in the last 40, 30, 25, 10, 5 years. Who knows where we'll be in another 10 or 20? Gone are the days of electroshock therapy, using <i>The Miracle of Forgiveness</i> as gospel truth, and never hearing anything about homosexuality in church meetings. Gay couples can get married in Utah and in many other states; gay characters abound on TV, so many gay celebrities are out, Mormons openly and secretly are supporting gay rights; church leaders have become more sympathetic and less ignorant (they still have a ways to go, but hey...); reparative therapy is less in style, etc. The me 25 years ago never would have thought I'd be where I am now. There is progress.<br /><br />I totally agree that this push for religious protection can possibly open a can of worms that allow people to continue to discriminate against gays. I mean, where do you draw the line?<br /><br />But this is how I feel: I think the photographer that won't photograph a gay wedding or the baker that won't make a cake for a gay couple or the landlord that doesn't want a gay couple living in their basement are being prejudiced and sometimes unreasonable. I mean, are you supporting gay marriage just because you take a photo of a gay wedding or make a cake for a gay couple? What about the photos you're taking or the cakes your baking or the apartments you're renting to people who are doing all sorts of unseemly things you don't even know about? You can still believe what you believe. No one is taking your right to believe homosexuality is a sin.<br />
<br />
But here's the thing. Those people live in a free country where they can believe whatever they want to believe and if they want to deny a service that they feel compromises their religious beliefs, I suppose that is their right.<br />
<br />
But here's the other side (for me, at least). Why does the gay couple even want that person to take their photos or bake their cake or to live in a place where they are not meant to feel welcome? I say, move on. Give your money to someone who values and respects you. When Jonah and I were looking for somewhere to have our commitment ceremony, we encountered a couple of places whose owners felt uncomfortable agreeing to let us have our ceremony there. I suppose I could have been offended or tried to fight it or sue them; instead I just moved on. If they want to discriminate against me because of their religious beliefs, it's their loss, not mine. I'll spend my money elsewhere and have my ceremony somewhere where I know it will be valued and honored. And that's what we did.<br /><br />Just as I think it sucks that gay people are denied the right to live where they want to live or where they want to work or denied services of some kind because some bonehead can't look past a supposed "sin" and just be charitable enough to treat the gay people with love, I also think it sucks that someone who feels uncomfortable marrying a gay couple or taking photos of their wedding or supplying them with a cake should be made to do so. I think it's equally sucky that a person loses their own livelihood simply because they speak out against gay rights or sign a petition or donate money to a gay rights cause. Do I agree with them? No. But if they want to believe my "lifestyle" is sinful or wrong, I suppose that's their prerogative. I don't think they should be fired or forced to resign because of it (and I know of instances where that has happened).<br /><br />But again, where do you draw the line? Will I be denied health services because some doctor doesn't approve of my sexuality or will some fireman refuse to put out the fire in my house because a gay couple lives there? If the Church is in favor of anti-discrimination laws that protect gay people from housing or job discrimination but won't hire them to work at the Church Office Building or if individual members refuse to rent out an apartment to a gay couple, then doesn't the line become "murky?" On the other hand, why does a gay person want to work or live where he doesn't feel loved or supported? Why does the gay person want someone to marry him and his partner if that person doesn't respect or honor that marriage?<br /><br />I don't know all the answers. We have two sides that believe very strongly what they believe and who both believe they're in the right. Somehow we have to find a compromise. I just don't believe an "all-or-nothing" approach.<br /><br />I know there will be those who disagree with me, but this is how I feel. Anyway, that's my two cents on this situation.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-26627225092903156922014-12-08T22:59:00.000-08:002014-12-08T23:29:10.977-08:00A Most Magical Trip (Expectations vs. Reality)I work for a rather large corporation specializing in entertainment and guest service. When I was first hired for my job, I had to go through a lot of training. One of the things I most remember about my training was the idea of meeting (and exceeding) guest expectations. We were given an exercise in which we were to close our eyes and imagine our dream vacation. The instructor took us through different scenarios such as how we would get there, where we would stay, where we chose to eat, what activities we did, etc. In each of our imaginations our trip went a certain way, according to our desires. But once we finished, the instructor gave us new scenarios as to the reality we might face such as a delayed flight, a sub-par hotel room, traffic, bad food, entertainment that didn't fulfill our desires, etc. This was to show that a guest's expectations might not to be met by the reality they face and our job is to help resolve problems or do our best to meet a guest's expectations.<br />
<br />
For example, a guest might see an empty beach or swimming pool in a brochure, but discover it to be crowded when he actually gets there. He might order a specific kind of hotel room, but get something else. He might be late to a show or discover that the show was not what he thought it was. One of my jobs is to help meet a guest's expectations as best I can.<br />
<br />
This experience was reinforced for me when Jonah and I took our latest trip to Disneyland and Universal Studios. We had been planning this trip for a long time and had worked hard to save up for it because we knew it would be more expensive than our average getaway. Jonah has always wanted to stay at the Grand Californian on the Disney property and I have always wanted to take the VIP tour at Universal Studios. Both are somewhat costly, so we saved and saved and saved, plus I reserved some of the money my mom and dad left me.<br />
<br />
In my mind, we would take a nice leisurely trip to L.A., check in to our room, which was supposed to overlook the California Adventure Park, and the weather would be its normal sunny self. Alas, none of this occurred initially.<br />
<br />
Jonah said we should leave very early on Sunday because of post-Thanksgiving traffic. However, we both get home from work fairly late, and I require a certain number of hours of sleep to be able to effectively drive. So we left later than we ought to have. I don't know if you've ever driven to L.A. the Sunday after Thanksgiving. It's one of the worst possible days to drive. It took us 2 hours and 45 minutes to get from our house to a nearby town (a drive that normally takes about 45 minutes) and about 8 and a half hours to get from our house to our hotel in Anaheim (a drive that normally takes about 4 and a half hours). It was a long, long road trip with an exceedingly high amount of traffic. Many times it was bumper to bumper and it would take a couple of hours just to go a few miles.<br />
<br />
When we got near L.A. it was pouring rain and dark. I actually was glad that traffic was slow at times because it felt safer to drive. The rain was relentless.<br />
<br />
We had planned on attending a Michael W. Smith concert in Anaheim, but due to our lateness and a snafu at our hotel, we missed it. The hotel snafu was that our room was not at all what we had expected. We had paid for a premium view overlooking the park and instead we got a corner room that provided an obscured view of the hotel pools. We were very disappointed, especially since we had put down so much money and this was probably our first and only time to attend the Grand Californian. Fortunately, the folks as Disney do their very best to make your trip as positive as possible, so they were able to switch rooms. We got a view of the park, though not as cool a view as we had hoped, but still a nice view nonetheless. We were even able to hear and see parts of the World of Color presentation done at the park each night.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sZzh0wtlfR8/VIZZyfrkiDI/AAAAAAAACck/YfOyNDo30vc/s1600/CAM00434.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sZzh0wtlfR8/VIZZyfrkiDI/AAAAAAAACck/YfOyNDo30vc/s1600/CAM00434.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Our view from the hotel</i></div>
<br />
We had to pay for valet parking, which I wish were included in the hotel price. Jonah was a bit upset, more so than I was, with the end result. Even though we had originally ordered a room with a king-size bed, we ended up with 2 queens. The room itself was nothing special, other than the fact that it was on Disney's property and is close to the parks. I guess that's what you're paying for. But, overall, it doesn't seem worth what we paid. It was fine, but there are much cheaper hotels nearby and it's not that far of a walk. It's what we usually do, and it meets our needs.<br />
<br />
Still, we wanted to stay at least once at the Grand Californian, and now we can say we have. After finally working out the room situation (and to their credit, the staff at the hotel was very accommodating) Jonah and I went to Downtown Disney and browsed the various stores and then had dinner at a Mexican restaurant (whose enchiladas were just a wee bit too spicy for my taste).<br />
<br />
So our first day wasn't very magical. Nevertheless, I tried very hard to have a positive, upbeat attitude. I wasn't going to let traffic, rain, hotel snafus, or spicy food ruin my trip.<br />
<br />
After dinner we looked around a little more and then went to the hotel lobby and took pictures of the headshot of one of Jonah's friends as a joke and then went to bed.<br />
<br />
The next day was much better. We were our psychedelic cat t-shirts that my sister and niece had given us (and which I got quite a few compliments on).<br />
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<br />
Happily, although it was overcast, it didn't rain once the whole day. We had purchased a park-hopper pass for each of us, and being guests of the hotel enabled us to enter California Adventure through the hotel entrance an hour before the park opened to the general public, so that was a nice perk. The line getting into the park was long, however, and filled with a lot of loud (and sometimes crying) children, so even that perk didn't always seem worth the price we paid.<br />
<br />
We did end up getting into the park about 50 minutes before it opened and once we were in it was very pleasant and uncrowded for the most part. We first got a fastpass for the World of Color show. We were going to go to the Cars ride, but it seemed like everyone had the same idea, and that line was way too long. Last time we were in California Adventure, we waited in line for ninety minutes for that ride, and while it was fun, it wasn't worth 90 minutes. We decided to try to come back later in the day.<br />
<br />
We went to Soarin' Over California, which I like a lot. We didn't have to wait in line at all and got on immediately. Two very nice gentlemen suggested we use the singe rider line to ride Cars. They said "if you don't mind riding alone, it's only about a ten minute wait." We later took them up on their suggestion, and it was very good advice. I will likely never ride the Cars ride any other way again.<br />
<br />
After Soarin' Over California we rode the Tower of Terror, a ride which we didn't have to wait long at all to ride. I was surprised Jonah was willing to go on it as he doesn't like falling from heights, but he did it and seemed to enjoy it.<br />
<br />
We really wanted to go to Disneyland and make sure we got on the rides we really wanted to ride, so we went over there after California Adventure officially opened. Of course, we had to stand in line again, but once we got in, things went well. We rode Pirates of the Caribbean first, then went on the Haunted Mansion (a favorite of Jonah's, especially at Christmastime). I'm always amazed at how different the Haunted Mansion seems with its Nightmare Before Christmas theme. Near the Rivers of America we saw cast members dressed up as Jack Skellington and Sally, which I hadn't seen before. We headed over to Tomorrowland and got a fastpass for Space Mountain and then rode Star Tours, one of my favorites (Jonah also pointed out that one of the robots sounded like Allison Janney, which it was, and I hadn't known that before). We still had time before our fastpass kicked in, so we rode Buzz Lightyear's Astro Blasters (another of Jonah's favorites).<br />
<br />
Then we rode a favorite of both of ours, Space Mountain (probably my favorite ride in the park). I love it. All throughout our day, we took pictures with the headshot of Jonah's friend. We also did some window shopping at various stores. After either Space Mountain or Star Tours, two cast members were dressed as Hiro and Baymax from <i>Big Hero 6</i>. The guy who has to dress up in the Baymax outfit must be hating life. It looks like the most awkward outfit to move around in.<br />
<br />
We decided to get some lunch. We thought about the Blue Bayou, a place we've both wanted to eat at or the Plaza Inn but ended up at the River Belle Terrace, which is the scene of what I call the "Disneyland miracle." A few years ago Jonah and I were vacationing in Disneyland and the River Belle Terrace was closed, but evidently they were trying out a new menu or something because we asked the person out front if they were open and were invited to come inside and eat anything we wanted for free. So we did. I notice some of those menu items we tried are not available now because we both distinctly remembered a chocolate cake that we both enjoyed that was not on the current menu. Still, we had a nice lunch. We both had a turkey dinner, which felt right for the holidays.<br />
<br />
Jonah's friend was performing in a Newsies street show (we thought) at California Adventure, so we headed back over there to watch it, but it turned out he was in a different show, which was the Disney Junior show, something he felt we wouldn't want to see. So we met him backstage and talked for a bit (and took a picture of him with the headshot) and said goodbye.<br />
<br />
We used the single rider line to get on the Cars Radiator Springs ride and, sure enough, got on within about ten minutes while the general crowd waited about 45. It was fun, and Jonah and I even ended up in the same car (just not together). We also rode Mickey's Ferris Wheel, which I got sick on last time we rode it because we got in the swinging gondola instead of the stationary one. This time we rode the stationary one, and it was a much more pleasant experience.<br />
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<i>View of California Adventure from the Ferris Wheel. You can see the Radiator Springs ride at the right and the Tower of Terror in the middle left area.</i></div>
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<i>Here is a view of our hotel room at the Grand Californian from the Ferris Wheel.</i></div>
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<i>The California Screamin' ride at Disney's California Adventure from the Ferris Wheel</i></div>
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After the Ferris Wheel, Jonah wanted to charge his phone, so he went back to the hotel and I rode the roller coaster. I did the single rider line for that one, too, but I think I would have gotten on just as fast using the regular line. Besides, the single rider line was a little confusing and more complex than it probably needs to be.</div>
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I wanted some ice cream and was going to head back to Disneyland, but Jonah wanted me to come back to the hotel and pick him up so we could go together. We ended up spending about an hour in the hotel, which kind of irked me because I really would rather have been spending some time in the park. Sometimes Jonah is a little obsessed with his phone. I suppose I can be the same way at times.</div>
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We went back to Disneyland and rode Space Mountain again. We had to wait longer this time (no fastpass). We also saw some of the Christmas Fantasy Parade and got our ice cream. And we saw the lighting of Sleeping Beauty's Castle for Christmas. I got really sentimental and weepy during that. It made me miss my parents. As part of the lighting it "snowed" on Main Street and I always enjoy that.</div>
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As we left Disneyland, Jonah was invited to take part in a survey, which is ironic since of the two of us, I am the one who really enjoys doing surveys, but they picked him, so I waited until he was done. We went back over to California Adventure and found our spots for the World of Color show. We had a good view and the show felt so magical. Disney does such a good job of making things feel like magic. A lot of the show was <i>Frozen</i>-themed, which I liked. There were also huge "snowflakes" made of soap bubbles, I think. They were cool. There was also a medley in the show sung by Celine Dion (I think) which consisted of "Believe," "Thankful," and "I See the Light" which made me teary as well.</div>
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<i>Children sleeping, snow is softly falling<br />
Dreams are calling like bells in the distance<br />
We were dreamers not so long ago<br />
But one by one we all had to grow up</i></div>
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<i>When it seems the magic slipped away<br />
We find it all again on Christmas Day</i></div>
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<i>Believe in what your heart is sayin'<br />
Hear the melody that's playin'<br />
There's no time to waste<br />
There's so much to celebrate</i></div>
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<i>Believe in what you feel inside<br />
And give your dreams the wings to fly<br />
You have everything you need<br />
If you just believe</i></div>
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<i>Even with our differences <br />
There is a place we're all connected<br />
Each of us can find each other's light<br /> </i></div>
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<i>And at last I see the light<br />
And it's like the fog has lifted<br />
And at last I see the light</i></div>
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<i>And it's like the sky is new</i>
<i><br /></i>
<i>
And it's warm and real and bright<br />
And the world has somehow shifted<br />
All at once everything is different<br />
Now that I see you</i>
<i><br />
Now that I see you </i></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/EmPb3fHCdk4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<i> Not recorded by me, but this is the segment I'm referring to.</i></div>
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I wish we could have ridden the Grizzly River Run or Splash Mountain, but it was too cold to get wet. Splash Mountain was closed anyway, we later found out.</div>
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After the show, which was truly lovely, we left the park via the hotel exit and decided to get dinner at the Storybook Cafe. It was expensive, but all-you-can-eat, and it was very good food. We had been splurging on this trip anyway, so why not?</div>
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After that we went to Downtown Disney and saw the movie, <i>Big Hero 6</i>. It was okay, not as great as I was hoping. It wasn't bad; it just didn't fully meet my expectations. </div>
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Our original plan had been to go to the parks both days, but we pretty much did what we wanted to do, so we decided to go to L.A. and use our extra day to do something we'd never done before, a tour of Paramount Studios. It literally rained all day. It never let up once. I was actually kind of glad we didn't go to the parks.</div>
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Driving in the rain was not fun, but we did manage to get to our destination okay without too many traffic issues. We had bought two tour tickets for the 1:00 pm tour. We got something to eat at McDonald's and then parked at the lot across from Paramount and battled the rain to get in the security office. Due to some computer glitch, we were actually booked for a tour that wasn't supposed to be held. They tried to get us to rearrange but we explained we were already at the studios and this was our only day to take the tour. A very kind tour guide named Allison volunteered to do the tour and it ended up being just me, her, and Jonah in the pouring rain. It was like getting a VIP tour. She showed us the original Paramount gate seen in the movie <i>Sunset Boulevard,</i></div>
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<i><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-60Pn_qePn90/VIZuBJV57II/AAAAAAAACdQ/jMNt5B6WcuY/s1600/Sunset%2BBoulevard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-60Pn_qePn90/VIZuBJV57II/AAAAAAAACdQ/jMNt5B6WcuY/s1600/Sunset%2BBoulevard.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></i></div>
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which is one of my favorite movies, so that was really cool. We also saw Lucy Park, built at the behest of Lucille Ball as a place where she could take publicity photos of her and her children in what looked like her backyard so that critics would stop accusing her of being a bad mother. </div>
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This park was also used in several "Brady Bunch" episodes.</div>
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Apparently "Glee" was filming while we were there. So was "Real Husbands of Hollywood, " and we saw Kevin Hart shooting something, so that was kind of fun. We also saw some of the exterior sets from a show called "Marry Me" and actually walked on the set of "The Doctors," a show I've never actually seen.</div>
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It was a pretty small studio space. Actually, the only show that was currently shooting on the Paramount lot that I watch is "American Horror Story," and this season is being shot in New Orleans (although we did see Ryan Murphy through a window having a meeting with someone).</div>
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On the backlot it was kind of fun to see the apartment facade where the famous "Marble Rye" episode from <i>Seinfeld</i> takes place.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4MVXynRm2dw/VIZz0UgbEII/AAAAAAAACeA/jD35d6XC7AY/s1600/Seinfeld%2BMarble%2BRye.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4MVXynRm2dw/VIZz0UgbEII/AAAAAAAACeA/jD35d6XC7AY/s1600/Seinfeld%2BMarble%2BRye.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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We also saw another facade that was used in <i>Friends.</i><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F23zLqGjTiw/VIZ07FxL81I/AAAAAAAACeM/EqcuzmRJRMs/s1600/Friends%2Bbaby%2Bon%2Bbus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F23zLqGjTiw/VIZ07FxL81I/AAAAAAAACeM/EqcuzmRJRMs/s1600/Friends%2Bbaby%2Bon%2Bbus.jpg" height="300" width="400" /> </a> </div>
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Paramount rents its backlot to other studios to use and that fee doesn't include any set dressing.</div>
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One thing I found fascinating was an area of the studio that is used for parking, but is sometimes rented to productions and filled up with water to be used for ocean or water scenes. It's a more controlled environment to work in. The parking lot is slanted on all four sides, so it's essentially a four foot tank. There is also a cyclorama depicting a blue sky with clouds that is used for background. It was used in <i>Orange County</i>, <i>Star Trek IV</i>, and <i>Patriot Games</i>, among other movies.</div>
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I asked Allison where people park when the tank is being used. She said there is a lot of parking on the lot, but that the executives who do get displaced are not terribly happy about it.</div>
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We saw the Paramount Theatre, where they screen or preview movies and also sometimes shoot scenes from movies. We also saw a display of props from well-known movies. They wouldn't let us take any photos, so I have no pictures to share from our Paramount tour.</div>
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The tour was so much fun. We were drenched and cold by the end, but I didn't care. I think Jonah did. I always remember a trip my family took when I was young to Universal Studios where it poured buckets of rain. My family didn't care. We spent the whole day being tourist-y and I think Mom improvised some ponchos out of garbage bags. The bus that had brought us was filled with annoyed tourists who had all wimped out and were waiting for us, the last group, to return. We didn't feel bad, though. We were using our whole day, come rain or shine, to do what we had come to do. A little rain wasn't going to stop our fun. I felt the same way at Paramount, but I think Jonah was a bit miserable. He was a good sport, though. We both got a hot drink at the gift store, looked around a bit, and then drove to our next hotel, the Sportsmen's Lodge.</div>
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The hotel is nothing special, but it was very close to our destination the next day, Universal Studios. I stayed at the Sportsmen's Lodge in 2007 when my fellow grad students and I were in town for our graduation showcase. The hotel had a bit more charm to me then. It's undergone some renovations since and looks more modern, but is almost unrecognizable from where I stayed in 2007.</div>
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Although the room was simple (and cold, unfortunately (not good when you're soaking wet)), I was happy the water pressure was a lot stronger in the shower than the Grand Californian had been. I dried my jacket with a hair dryer and Jonah changed clothes. We then went out again to Ikea and bought ponchos and umbrellas in case we had a similar day the next day. Jonah also bought some lights and power strips for our house. </div>
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We went to the nearby mall and did some shopping. I bought a gift for my younger sister because it was a good deal and I think it is something she will like. </div>
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We had a really neat experience while at the mall. I share this experience not to aggrandize myself in any way, but
because it reminded me what this season ought to be about. I hope it
will be taken in that spirit because I think it's important to be
reminded.<br />
<br />
At the mall in Burbank, Jonah and I encountered this lady working at a Hickory Farms kiosk. She was really
nice and complimented Jonah on the <i>Nightmare Before Christmas</i> scarf he
was wearing and in talking to her we discovered she was quite a
<i>Nightmare Befo</i><span class="text_exposed_show"><i>re Christmas</i> fan and loved all things Jack Skellington. </span><br />
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She asked Jonah where he had gotten the scarf, and Jonah told her he
had gotten it at Hot Topic in Las Vegas, but that there was one just
like it at the Hot Topic in the mall where we were. She asked how much
it was, and Jonah said he wasn't sure. The lady (who we learned was
named Nettie) clearly admired the scarf and mentioned that maybe when
she got her next paycheck she could get the scarf.<br />
<br />
As we talked
with her, we told her about our trip and we discovered she collected
<i>Nightmare Before Christmas</i> stuff. We also learned she was divorced and
that this seasonal job was her only job. She was so nice and yet, both Jonah and I sensed there was much pain and hardship behind her smile
and kind demeanor.<br />
<br />
She asked if we wanted some samples and let us
taste some turkey, garlic spread, and chocolate mints. We shook hands
with her, told each other how nice it was to meet one another, and
wished her "Happy Holidays."<br />
<br />
As Jonah and I walked away, we both
(without realizing the other was feeling the same thing) felt impressed
to go to Hot Topic and buy the scarf for Nettie. We bought it and
brought it back to the kiosk, handed it to Nettie, and said "Merry
Christmas." She looked shocked and said, "Are you sure? I don't even
know you." We affirmed that we wanted to do something kind and that's
what Christmas (heck, what life) should be about. She said, "You're
going to make me cry," and gave each of us a deep, heartfelt hug.<br />
<br />
We told her we just hoped she would pay it forward, and she said she
would and gave us each another hug. We said goodbye. She looked so
happy, and it truly made us feel good to see her happiness.<br />
People need hope and kindness. We both sensed this woman was going
through some hard times and probably wouldn't have ended up buying the
scarf for herself. It was such an easy thing for us to do, requiring
little effort. My only wish is that it brought her some joy and that
she will pass that joy on to others who will do the same. That's what
this season and our existence ought to be about, isn't it? Do something
nice and unexpected for somebody else. It will bring joy to both you
and them. Everybody's a winner.<br />
<br />
After window shopping some more, Jonah and I ate at Panda Express in the food court and then went back to our hotel and watched a bit of TV and then slept.<br />
<br />
The next day was my favorite part of the trip. When I was a little boy my parents took my siblings and me to
Universal Studios. As a child who loved movies and acting, Universal
Studios and Movieland Wax Museum in Anaheim had a huge impact on me
(more so than Disneyland, which we also visited and which I loved as
well).<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RpquvtiPb9c/VIaBuzflClI/AAAAAAAACe8/sES_wKDTt20/s1600/Steven%2BUniversal%2Bc.%2B1977.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RpquvtiPb9c/VIaBuzflClI/AAAAAAAACe8/sES_wKDTt20/s1600/Steven%2BUniversal%2Bc.%2B1977.jpg" height="320" width="317" /></a></div>
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<i>Yep, that's me at Universal about 1977.</i></div>
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My favorite part of Universal Studios was the studio
tour on the tram. We went many more times and that was always what I
looked forward to most. As a boy, I had two dreams regarding Universal
Studios<span class="text_exposed_show">: 1) that I would be able to
get out of the tram and explore and touch the sets on the backlot and 2) that I would one day act on one of those sets.</span><br />
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When I found out about the VIP tour a few years ago and realized I
could realize dream number one, I wanted to do it so badly. But the
cost just seemed too prohibitive. However, after Mom died and left me
some money, and after Jonah and I saved up for this dream
Disneyland/Universal trip, we finally felt like we could do it.<br />
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The VIP tour helped me experience one of my dreams, and it was just as wonderful as I
hoped it would be.We drove to Universal Studios. It was wet, but not nearly as rainy as it had been the day before. We got free valet parking as part of our tour and then walked over to the VIP area. We were given VIP lanyards and told to go upstairs to the VIP Lounge. There was a small breakfast waiting as well as the other VIPs taking the various tours.<br />
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The lounge was filled with memorabilia, photos, costumes, etc. from Universal pictures. <br />
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<i>The above pictures are from the VIP Lounge restroom.</i></div>
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<i>The Emmy from "The Office was in the Lounge area as well as was a costume from </i>Snow White and the Huntsman.</div>
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<i>Artwork from </i>The Phantom of the Opera.</div>
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We got breakfast and on the TV screen was playing different scenes from Universal produced movies.</div>
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<i>Mmmm, breakfast!</i></div>
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Soon our personal tour guide, Bobby showed up and took time to chat with each of us individually and get to know us. He also gave us a gift bag with a poncho, sanitizing wipes, sunscreen, mints, and a keychain. Then we were on our way.</div>
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Bobby first wanted to take us on the rides. As VIPs, we got seating
priority on all rides, which is probably more of a perk when the park is
really crowded. As it was, we probably would have gotten on the rides
just as fast, VIP or not. Still, it was nice not to have to wait in
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We first rode the Simpsons ride, which I think took the place of the <i>Back to the Future</i> ride. We had never been on it before, and it was actually quite fun and entertaining. I also liked how it poked fun at other attractions such as "It's a Small World," "Pirates of the Caribbean," Sea World, and even Universal itself.</div>
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<i>Bobby, our tour guide, is in the middle with the umbrella. Jonah is at left, closest to the camera.</i></div>
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After the Simpsons ride, we went down to the lower level and rode the <i>Jurassic Park</i> ride. It was fun, but wet. I used both my ponchos and managed to stay pretty dry. The two Swiss guys sitting in front of us weren't so lucky, but they didn't seem to care.</div>
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We took a detour to a display area with all sorts of pictures, costumes, and props from various Universal movies and from the park. I would have liked to have gone back later in the day to look at it again, but I forgot to. It was pretty interesting, though.</div>
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<i>The car from </i>Back to the Future </div>
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<i>Interior</i></div>
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<i>Cylons from "Battlestar Galactica" The one in front was pretty popular when I was a lad.</i></div>
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We rode the <i>Transformers</i> ride (Jonah wasn't too impressed with that one, but I thought it was fine), the <i>Mummy</i> ride (that one makes me nauseous because it goes backwards), and the <i>Despicable Me</i> ride, which was entertaining. Aside from <i>The Mummy</i> ride, we had never been on any of the current rides in the park, so that was fun.</div>
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Bobby then released us to watch the animal show and the special effects show or to shop. Jonah and I used the time to purchase an annual pass to Universal Studios. It was only $20 (as part of our VIP package), so even if we only use it once this year, it will have paid for itself. We're in L.A. enough that we thought it was worth getting. We skipped the animal show. I enjoy it, but I've seen it numerous times, but we did watch the special effects show, which was both funny and interesting.</div>
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I was happy to see that the World of Harry Potter will be coming to Universal Hollywood in 2016. I'd love to go to that.</div>
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Then we had lunch. It was a gourmet lunch, buffet style, and it was to die for. Just the lunch was worth the VIP experience.</div>
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They had lobster risotto, smoked salmon, deviled eggs, asparagus, sushi, shrimp, really tender roast beef, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, ravioli, glazed carrots, salads, and so much more.</div>
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They also had some great desserts, among them, tiramisu and rasperry chocolate ganache. So good.<br />
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<i> </i>And the staff (everyone in the park we encountered) was so nice. </div>
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After lunch we did my very favorite thing at Universal Studios, the studio tour. Normally, you take a tram for the studio tour, but as VIPs we got a personalized bus of our own. Bobby talked about the studios, and we got to walk on the set of a TV show called "State of Affairs." I'm familiar with the show, but have not seen it, but what was cool was the set was a replica of the White House, so it was kind of cool standing on a set that looked like the Oval Office. Sadly, no pictures. That was one of the conditions of being allowed on the set.</div>
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We went to the backlot and actually got to get out and take pictures and touch the facades, something I always dreamed of doing as a boy. I was surprised to discover (although it made sense) that everything that looks like stone or concrete or wood is actually made of fiberglass. We got to get out on Brownstone Street and New York
Street in the backlot and touch walls and stand on staircases.<br />
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Bobby told us all about different movies and TV shows that had been filmed in various areas of the lot. It was beyond neat to walk around the backlot. Such a dream come true for me.<br />
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<i>This alley is often used on "CSI" as a place where a dead body might be found.</i></div>
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<i>They had either just filmed or were preparing to film scenes for "The Mindy Project."</i></div>
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Some of the backlot has changed due to the fire that burned down some of the facades. They've rebuilt and updated, though, so maybe that's a good thing.</div>
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<i>One of my favorite facades at Universal, the Courthouse, popularized in the movie, </i>Back to the Future<i> and also seen in one of my favorite episodes of "The Twilight Zone,"</i> <i>the first episode: "Where Is Everybody?"</i></div>
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I was actually able to stand inside one of the facades I had always looked at from afar, so that was cool.</div>
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We also got to visit the costume and props department. I think the costume department was Jonah's favorite part as he is really into that. No pictures were allowed there, however.</div>
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Both departments were huge. I guess a lot of people rent props from Universal's props department, which is the largest in Hollywood.</div>
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<i>Outside the costume/props building. This mountainside was used in the opening credits of the TV show "M*A*S*H."</i></div>
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<i>This is a rhinoceros horn. Universal no longer loans this out and is looking to get rid of it.</i></div>
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<i>from "Dexter"</i></div>
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<i>"Leave It to Beaver"</i></div>
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<i>Not used in the actual movie, but was used as a stand in during shooting of it.</i></div>
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<i>Also used as a stand-in during the filming of </i>Jurassic Park</div>
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<i>Jaws</i></div>
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I guess the <i>King Kong </i>studio attraction was damaged during the fire as well so it's been replaced by an updated 3-D version which is probably better. Less cheesy looking.</div>
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Perhaps the most exciting part of the tour was after we had driven through Wisteria Lane (used in "Desperate Housewives") and went to the original Bates Motel/Bates Mansion sets from <i>Psycho</i>. I actually got to stand on the front porch of the Bates house. How cool to be that close to a piece of movie history. I wish I could have lingered longer.</div>
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<i>Yep, that's me.</i></div>
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This is what the Psycho house looked like when I was younger.<br />
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It was so secluded, which added to its creepiness. Now it's surrounded by stuff. It's amazing how much the park has changed since I was young. <br />
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We walked through the <i>War of the Worlds </i>set.</div>
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Pretty soon our tour came to an end. We chatted with Bobby a bit and then went to ride the Simpsons ride again and do some window shopping. And soon it was time to leave the park. Dreams do come true. Now on to
dream number two (actually acting on that backlot).</div>
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Jonah and I went to Universal City Walk and looked around. We also got some ice cream and something to eat and then we went to see Jonah's friend. She wasn't home, so we missed her.<br />
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The next day we left way early because we both had to work that night and wanted to beat the traffic. And we did. It was a pretty smooth ride home (much smoother than the ride to L.A.). It was such a great trip and probably the last one for a while. It didn't start out great, but it ended up being so fun.</div>
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<br />Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-4107315425614986992014-11-24T20:00:00.000-08:002014-11-24T22:58:53.469-08:00Into The Woods ReunionJonah and I took such a wonderful trip two weeks ago. A couple of months ago we found out the Segerstrom Center for the Arts in Costa Mesa, California was hosting an <i>Into the Woods</i> reunion with some of the original Broadway cast and creators. As soon as tickets went on sale, Jonah and I bought two and planned our trip.<br />
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<i>Into the Woods</i> is one of my favorite musicals. I saw the original Broadway production in 1989 with my mom, dad, and (at that time) future girlfriend. By the time we saw it, some of the original cast members had left the show (in fact, the show closed about three months after we saw it), but some original cast members were still present. Bernadette Peters, Chuck Wagner, Joanna Gleason, and Danielle Ferland had left by the time I saw it, but Chip Zien, Robert Westenberg, Barbara Bryne, Edmund Lyndeck, Tom Aldredge, and Ben Wright were still there. I can't remember if Kim Crosby was still in the show. It seems to me she wasn't. I'll have to dig out my old Playbill and see. In any case, I didn't see all of the original cast. I also remember Nancy Dussalt (from "Too Close to Comfort") was the Witch and Dean Butler (from "Little House on the Prairie") was Rapunzel's Prince.<br />
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At the time I saw the show, I enjoyed it, although I found the second act somewhat depressing. But the more I listened to the Broadway company recording and read the script, the more the meaningful the show became to me. I've written about the show in the past <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2010/12/chance-to-meet-my-hero.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2006/03/choices-and-into-woods.html" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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I am so glad the recording that appeared on PBS of the original Broadway company exists. I love it. I think it is such brilliant theatre by an exceptional cast.<br />
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Anyway, when Jonah and I found out there would be this chance to see a mini-reunion, we jumped at it. James Lapine and Stephen Sondheim, the show's original creators, would be present as would Robert Westenberg, Kim Crosby, Ben Wright, Danielle Ferlands, Joanna Gleason, Chip Zien, and Bernadette Peters. How could an <i>Into the Woods</i> fan not want to see that? Jonah even upgraded our original tickets (which were in the balcony, I think) to the fifth row which, the ticket clerk assured Jonah, would be close enough "to see the sweat on Bernadette Peters' brow."<br />
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Jonah and I left on Saturday, Nov. 8th. We had been invited to stay with a friend Jonah worked with on another show, and Jonah's friend, Stan also got us free tickets for a production of <i>Ragtime</i> he was performing in in Redondo Beach. Jonah and I left early so we could get to Stan's house in L.A. before Stan left for his matinee performance. Stan lives in a very quiet neighborhood in a very curvy, hilly area of L.A. His house is very high up the road to his house is quite narrow. It's a beautiful area, but I couldn't live like that. His balcony is about three stories high and his backyard has quite an incline. The houses in the neighborhood are also very close to one another. Parking is tight and, often, hard to find. And then, of course, there is L.A. traffic. I once considered living in L.A. after grad school, but because I met Jonah, I chose not to. Now I'm glad I didn't. I love the L.A. area a lot, but I can't see living there. It's just too congested, busy, and expensive for my taste. Just navigating the freeway system and driving with the locals is very stressful. As much as I drive to L.A. you'd think I'd get used to the freeway system and the crazies on the road. You'd be wrong on both counts.<br />
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That being said, Stan's neighborhood was lovely. We visited with Stan for a bit, and then he left. I had been driving for most of the day (although Jonah drove a leg of the trip as well), and I was tired. I took a nap and Jonah went out with another friend, Janice, while I took a nap. I got up before they got back and enjoyed the quiet.<br />
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Soon Janice and Jonah came back with food from McDonald's for me. They had eaten at some organic vegan place; I was happy for McDonald's.<br />
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After visiting with Janice we got ready to go see <i>Ragtime</i> and said goodbye to Janice. The drive to Redondo Beach wasn't too bad, although it's always a bit nerve-wracking driving and navigating your way in an unfamiliar area. Stan had also given us directions so that was useful.<br />
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<i>Ragtime</i> is not my favorite musical. I saw both the touring production and a regional production and just felt underwhelmed. This production, however, was fantastic and made me see the show in a whole new light. I thought the staging and choreography was so inventive and creative; the production values were outstanding, and I imagine this production cost a pretty penny; the stories felt connected in a way that never translated in the two previous productions I had seen; the performers (except for the young actor playing the Boy, who had a terrible speech impediment) were terrific. It was just a fabulous production. Mesmerizing!<br />
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Some of the most memorable moments for me were the opening number, which I felt was staged so well (and also included Harry Houdini hanging upside down in a straight jacket); the actress who played Emma Goldman was so great; there was one number where the black members of the cast were in silhouettes and it was a powerful image; the shooting smoke in the Henry Ford number; the "We Can Never Go Back to Before" number; and the young CoalHouse playing the piano at the end of the show. It was so good. Really good theatre.<br />
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After the show we hung out in the lobby while Stan visited with some friends. Then we followed Stan back home (it's so much easier following someone who knows where they're going than trying to find it yourself). Stan let us park in his driveway, which was very convenient. We visited with Stan for a bit and then went to bed.<br />
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The next day we slept in a bit, visited with Stan some more, and then drove to Costa Mesa. We got there too early to check in to our hotel, so we went over to the mall and window shopped. It was clear to me that the clientele that shopped at that mall have far more money than I do. We got something to eat and then headed back to hotel.<br />
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It was a very nice hotel and had a man-made lake on the property. We took a nap and then got dressed for our evening at the <i>Into the Woods</i> reunion. The venue was very close to our hotel. We dressed up because, for us, it was a special, once-in-a-lifetime event. We had been told to get to the Segerstrom Center for the Arts early as there would be props and costumes from the Broadway production of <i>Into the Woods</i> on display. We walked over and waited with the crowd, and you could feel the excitement. Jonah had to go back to the hotel to get something, and they opened the doors just before he returned. <br />
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Upon entering, the sound of the original production's pre-show soundtrack (with chirping birds and a howling wolf) was playing. The first prop we saw was Milky White.<br />
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We also got a photo of the Giant's Harp.<br />
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People were doing photo ops in Cinderella's Family Carriage, but it was too busy for us to do so, and I didn't take a picture of it until after the evening had ended.<br />
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We also heard that the hen that laid the golden eggs was on display, but we must have missed her.<br />
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On the second floor we saw many of the original Broadway costumes by Ann Hould-Ward, including Cinderella's Prince,<br />
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Little Red Ridinghood and the Wolf,<br />
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the Baker and his Wife,<br />
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the Witch and Jack,<br />
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Cinderella,<br />
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Jack's Mother,<br />
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and others.<br />
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Near the costumes were props, opening night gifts, photos, musicals scores, and other memorabilia. <br />
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It seemed like there just wasn't enough time to view everything properly, especially since it was so crowded, but it was so fun to be so close to these items from Broadway history.<br />
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Soon we sat down in the theater. We were on the fifth row, and the people on either side of us were very exuberant, almost to the point of being annoying, but on the other hand, I couldn't really blame them. I knew we wouldn't be allowed to take pictures during the show, so I took a preliminary photo in anticipation of the event.<br />
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Soon the lights dimmed, and the crowd went wild as Mo Rocca introduced Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine. There was an immense standing ovation and loud cheering that went on for what seemed like forever.</div>
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Photo Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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I never thought I'd get to meet Stephen Sondheim in my lifetime, which I did, and I didn't think I'd get to see him again, so this was so cool. Mo Rocca was an entertaining moderator and clearly he was as elated to be here as the rest of us were.<br />
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Sondheim and Lapine said <i>Into the Woods</i> originally started as an idea for a TV program involving famous sitcom characters interacting with each other, but that it fizzled out. They also said they never experienced any major disagreements. Sondheim said, "Whoever cares most, wins."<br />
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Soon Joanna Gleason and Chip Zien came out. It's clear they had a good friendship, but I can also see that Chip Zien might have been a bit high-maintenance and neurotic to work with. Gleason said, "Chip bears the distinction of being the only actor I've ever worked with who I've hit." Zien said, "We had a feisty relationship." I felt like he probably uses humor as a defense mechanism.<br />
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Photo Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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I was reminded that the Baker's Wife's lyric, "This is ridiculous/What am I doing here?/I'm in the wrong story" is the only lyric Sondheim has borrowed from an actor (Gleason during a phone call with Sondheim when they were discussing her character, and she said something similar to what became the final lyric).<br />
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Then Gleason and Zien performed "It Takes Two." It was magic. How exhilarating to see these two perform this number again after so many years. To my eye they recreated much of the original choreography, too. Then Chip Zien sang a solo rendition of "No More." I had forgotten that Tom Aldredge, who played the original narrator, had passed away.<br />
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Then Kim Crosby came out and sang, "On the Steps of the Palace."<br />
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And then Robert Westenberg showed up. I don't know why I didn't ever know that he and Kim Crosby were married in real life. How did that piece of trivia escape me?<br />
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There was quite a discussion about the Wolf costume, which was "profoundly endowed" and "pendulous." The "appendage" had to be reduced because it was upstaging the scene in previews. Kim Crosby joked that they had a Wolf costume at home.</div>
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Next Danielle Ferland showed up, and she and Robert Westenberg did a rendition of "Hello, Little Girl" (again, using much of the original choreography). </div>
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Ferland has put on some weight (not a bad thing, it happens), and I got the feeling maybe her voice wasn't in top form. Perhaps that's why she didn't sing "I Know Things Now." After "Hello, Little Girl" Ben Wright came out and sang "Giants in the Sky" and his voice sounded just as pristine as it did when he performed the song on the original Broadway cast album.<br />
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Then Mo Rocca talked with him and Danielle. They talked about how they were the young ones in the show, and Wright talked about how he started his career at the top and maybe didn't appreciate how special that was at the time.<br />
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Photo Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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Lapine said he wrote Little Red specifically with Ferland in mind. It was also discussed that "I Guess This Is Goodbye" is Sondheim's only song that doesn't rhyme. Ferland talked about how the lyric, "Isn't it nice to know a lot/And a little bit not" is close to her heart because as she matured in show business she learned there were sides of it that she wished she didn't know about it, and when she was in <i>Into the Woods</i> she was still innocent in many ways.</div>
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Oh, and then Robert Westenberg and Joanna Gleason did "Any Moment" and "Moments in the Woods." I was enthralled.</div>
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Photo Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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Photo Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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Then it was intermission. I went out to get some air. When Act 2 began and Bernadette Peters joined Lapine and Sondheim.</div>
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It was kind of cool being so close to Bernadette Peters (really, everybody). Peters said the line, "When you're dead, you're dead" sums up who her character is pretty well. Peters also talked about how the Witch is not necessarily nice, but tells the truth. She tells things the way they are. Sondheim talked about how some nice people lie to spare others' feelings, but that is not always useful or desirable. </div>
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The magic of the witch's transformation was also discussed, and that is something I was always curious about. Apparently it was as simple as prerecorded lines by Peters, a body double, and a trap door. Peters said if Sondheim didn't write she'd "have nothing to sing about." My thoughts exactly.</div>
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Peters put on a fake Witch's nose and did the Witch's Rap. Then she performed "Stay with Me." Like everybody else who performed that night, Peters sounded great, but you can tell her voice is probably suffering the effects of age.</div>
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Then Peters, Zien, Ferland, Wright and Crosby did "Your Fault" and "The Last Midnight," again with much of the original staging and choreography. It was so much fun to watch and felt almost like we were seeing the original production.</div>
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Photos Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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Rocca asked people what their favorite lines or lyrics were. Sondheim said, "We. Are. Moving." Wright, who is now a financial advisor is real life, said, "And you think of all of the things you've seen/And you wish that you could live in between," inferring that this night reminded him of a part of his life he loved, cherished, and missed. You could tell he was happy with his current life, but that the opportunity to perform again was very meaningful to him. Rocca also asked what lines actors were surprised got laughs. Westenberg said, "I was raised to be charming, not sincere." Gleason said, "You forgot your scarf."<br />
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Rocca asked Sondheim and Lapine "What was it like, hearing these songs tonight?" Sondheim replied, "Very upsetting. I want to hear them forever." I got the sense that here was man who knows he has relatively little time left in mortality. Lapine's answer was funnier and less sentimental: "Um, it's like an acid flashback."</div>
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The cast closed the show with "No One Is Alone," "Children Will Listen," and "Into the Woods." Seeing Danielle Ferland and Kim Crosby crying during "No One Is Alone"
was also moving. Like us, they recognized, I'm sure, that this was"
just a moment in the woods, " unlikely to be repeated again...at least
like this.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4hLLzz0pJNY/VHQavchC_zI/AAAAAAAACbA/OkyQU75hSLo/s1600/No%2BOne%2BIs%2BAlone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4hLLzz0pJNY/VHQavchC_zI/AAAAAAAACbA/OkyQU75hSLo/s1600/No%2BOne%2BIs%2BAlone.jpg" height="265" width="400" /> </a></div>
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Photo Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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Photo Courtesy: DOUG GIFFORD</div>
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It was such a magical night, well worth the money we paid. Nothing like this will ever likely happen again, and I'm so glad we were able to be a part of it.</div>
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I learned that Pamela Winslow and Chuck Wagner, who played the original Rapunzel and Rapunzel's Prince, were in the audience of the matinee performance (we were at the evening showing). That's cool.<br />
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Here are my photos of the closing (not as good, by any means, as the above photos):</div>
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Like Sondheim, I didn't want the evening to end. After the performance, these lyrics seemed even more relevant to how I felt about having witnessed this once-in-a-lifetime program:"This was just a moment in the woods./Our moment,/Shimmering and lovely
and sad./Leave the moment, just be glad/For the moment that we
had./Every moment is of moment/When you're in the woods..."</div>
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I guess for people who paid even more money, there was an after-party with the cast and creators. That would have been fun, but we couldn't afford that. Instead we got some dinner and went back to the hotel.</div>
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The next day we stopped in Orange and went to some antique stores and then drove home. Jonah and I were in a vintage items store when I came across
this typewriter.<br />
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Mom and Dad had one just like it (same color and
model) when I was growing up. I got a little teary because it reminded
me of them.</div>
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It also reminded me of the time my niece and nephew
and I were cleaning Mom's basement after they moved in to help care for
her. As I was trying to persuade Mom to donate or throw away the
typewriter (which by this time was broken, had no ink, and had sat
untouched on a shelf for years), Mom said, "You can't get rid of it. I
use it ALL THE TIME!" Still makes me laugh.<br />
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By the way, I honored her wishes and didn't give away the typewriter.<br />
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It was such a fun trip. I went back to L.A. a week later and stayed with Stan so I could audition for the Utah Shakespeare Company (which went well - maybe the ninth (or tenth; I've lost track how many times I've auditioned for them) will be the charm.</div>
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We'll be going back again this Sunday for a trip we've been planning for a long time to Disneyland and Universal Studios. Perhaps I'll write about that next.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-87422126726863964812014-10-19T22:07:00.000-07:002014-10-19T22:07:13.099-07:00Trips With Mom And DadThis is a long post. I won't be offended if you don't read all of it. <br />
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I had intended to write a post on September 10th, the one year anniversary of Mom's passing, but I just never found the time. It's hard to believe it's been over a year now. I'm doing much better since Mom gave me a kick in the butt (referred to in <a href="http://www.gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-period-of-mourning-is-officially.html" target="_blank">this post</a>). I still think about her every day, but I'm not so sad anymore. Time is healing my heart (that, and the fact that I realize Mom is with me still).<br />
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I took two significant trips recently, one back home to Utah and another to San Francisco, where Mom lived from her childhood until she married my dad (and it's also where she met my dad).<br />
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In Utah I visited my family and felt Mom and Dad's presence a lot. I was able to visit with my niece and nephew-in-law, who (you may remember) helped take care of Mom before she went into assisted living. I had not been to their house before. They bought it while still living in Mom's house, and it was a fixer-upper which they've done a great job with. <br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>As
they excitedly showed me each room, I was touched by how much of Mom’s stuff
they had hung onto.<span> </span>As my niece said, every
room reminds them still of "Grandma," and it was nice to feel Mom’s presence in
the house.<span> </span>They have the two lamp tables
that sat in our living room for as long as I can remember, the vacuum she
bought from Kirby, my dad's dad's old desk that sat in my old bedroom for
years, the shelves in the basement that held knick knacks, Mom and Dad’s rollaway desk, the desk that held Mom’s TV and all our games, much of Mom’s
kitchenware, and there was also one of our neighbor's (and Mom's best friend's) old chairs, which
seemed oddly appropriate, given the long enduring friendship of my parents with our neighbors.<span> </span>But what floored me the
most was that my niece and nephew had saved Mom and Dad’s old couch, which is the same couch that
had been in my parents’ front room for almost the entire time they lived in
that house.<span> </span>Frankly, the couch is
outdated, faded, worn out, and saggy.<span> </span></span></span><br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ViohLVXb2r4/VER9kRoVQmI/AAAAAAAACOM/dYQ9Fp8ulE4/s1600/1979%2BDec%2BMom%2Band%2BShelly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ViohLVXb2r4/VER9kRoVQmI/AAAAAAAACOM/dYQ9Fp8ulE4/s1600/1979%2BDec%2BMom%2Band%2BShelly.jpg" height="295" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> <i>Mom and my sister on the couch (one of the lamp tables I referred to is at right)</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><i><br /></i></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span>I
would not have been surprised if my niece and nephew had given the couch to charity or
even taken it to the dump.<span> </span>But there it
was in their rec room, and it brought tears to my eyes that they had saved
it.<span> </span>I felt Mom so much in their home.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>We
had a good talk about what a tough time it had been the year they stayed in Mom's house to help care for her, but my niece said that in
spite of the challenges and difficulties, it was worth it and they don’t regret
it at all.<span> My niece and nephew also</span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> acknowledged that they would not have this house if it
hadn’t been for their time with Mom.<span> </span>It
was nice to hear that. </span></span>I really felt a strong
impression from Mom that any residual <a href="http://www.gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2012/10/firestorm-in-my-family.html" target="_blank">resentment or anger</a> I held toward my niece and nephew must be let go, and so that’s what I’ve done.<span> </span><span></span>As for me, I am
thankful for all that my niece and nephew did for Mom and all she did for
them.<span> </span>I’m letting bygones be
bygones.<span> </span>It was just so wonderful to
feel pieces of Mom in that house, and I’m grateful that my niece and nephew are reminded
of her every day.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>The next day I visited with Mom and Dad's longtime neighbors who had been friends with Mom for over fifty years and who factored very heavily in my life growing up. As I talked with them in their living room, I looked across the street at the house I grew up in, now no longer mine.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>The people who live there now replaced the old "211" </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>that
had been on the house since Mom and Dad bought it with a newer, bigger
“211.”<span> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> <i>The old "211" that was on the front of our house all my life</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span></span>It kind of made me sad to see the
old one gone, but, obviously, I don’t blame the<i> </i>new owners for wanting to improve
and update their house.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>My sister-in-law<span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>
had mentioned (and my old neighbor confirmed) that the owners of Mom and Dad's house were
actually wanting to sell the it.<span>
</span>Evidently, it’s more than they can financially handle, and so I guess
they are interested in selling.<span> </span>That
made me a little sad, too.<span> </span>I don’t know
the owners at all, but was hoping their family might have many happy, lasting
memories in the house like my family did.<span>
</span>If I had the money, I would buy the house myself.<span> </span>I’d love to have it back in the family
again.<span> </span>But it would be impractical and,
alas, I don’t have the financial resources to make such a purchase.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span>My old neighbor
talked about how sometimes she still expects Mom to come out of the house, and
of course Mom doesn’t.<span> </span>But again, just
as I felt looking at Mom and Dad’s old furniture at my niece's and nephew's house, I
looked across the street and saw the house my parents bought and built together
and felt their presence and legacy.<span>
</span>They’re ever present through what they left behind, both
materialistically and in how they raised and brought up their family.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>My neighbor
said she was downsizing and has gotten rid of some
of her nativity sets, which she collects.<span> </span>She gave the one
Mom gave her to my other nephew and his new wife.<span> </span>It’s
a nice thought that something Mom left my neighbor is now left to Mom’s grandson and
his new wife.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>After visiting with my former neighbors, I drove to my older sister's house and visited with her.<span> </span><span></span>I liked it being just one on one without any
distractions.<span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;">She <span>asked if I was hungry, and I was, so she got me some potato salad.<span> </span>It was in one of my favorite bowls of Mom’s
that I had used often to eat things like cereal and ice cream.<span> </span>As had been the case with this trip thus far,
it was nice to be reminded of good memories and that Mom was still alive and
well in the lives of her children.<span> </span>When
I used the bathroom, there was Mom’s old green hamper, and it was a nice sight
to see.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;">
</span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
just really enjoyed reconnecting with my sister.<span>
</span>It’s clear she misses me and I miss her.<span> </span>We
didn’t want to say goodbye, but we had to, knowing it would be a while before
we see one another again.<span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I then drove to my younger sister's house. As I visited with her I</span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> had these same feelings of Mom and Dad’s legacy as I looked at Mom’s old
hutch and her and Dad’s old easy chair and as I held Mom’s namesake, Jerry (my sister's newest child) in
my arms while my Dad’s namesake, Gary (her middle child) was playing nearby.<span> </span>It was a nice feeling and I felt my parents in the
room.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I then went to an eatery Mom and I had gone to often. <span></span>I ordered my
usual, a turkey and artichoke sandwich on foccacia with avocado as well as a
chai frappe (which was excellent) and a chocolate chip cookie.<span> </span>It was a really good meal and the place was
not very busy, so I quite enjoyed myself.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Then I went to a theater where I had worked while living in Utah. </span></span><span></span>When I bought my ticket, the girl looked for
my name in their computer system, but it wasn’t there, but Mom’s was.<span> </span>I told them they could delete Mom as she had
passed away.<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
was so pleased to be put at a table by myself (it's a dinner theater).<span>
</span>There were three empty chairs next to me, and I imagined Mom and Dad
sitting in two of them.<span> </span>Since Mom died,
I have been to several theatrical productions and have had two empty seats next to me. I always like to imagine that Mom and Dad are next to
me.<span> </span>Here I was again with two empty seats, and I know
how much Mom enjoyed this theater when she was alive, so I was again imagining that she and Dad were
next to me watching the show.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>The next day I went to the cemetery to visit Mom and Dad's headstone. I then went to the nearby headstones of Dad's parents and sister. </span>Then I decided it might be fun to look
for the gravestones of my Dad’s grandparents, which were in the same cemetery.<span> </span>I went to the cemetery office and they gave
me the information, and I was surprised to find a whole bunch of ancestors.<span> </span>In all the years I’ve been to Mom and Dad's cemetery,
I’ve never visited that part of the cemetery (unless I did so as a child).<span> </span>There was something really neat about
standing where my ancestors had once stood and where many of them were
buried.<span> </span>In addition to the strong
presence I felt of Mom and Dad during this trip, I also felt my ancestors, whom
I didn’t even know in life, around me.<span>
</span>It was a neat feeling.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>After
I left the cemetery I dropped in on my great uncle (Dad's dad's brother).<span> </span><span></span>The man is 97 years old and still very
sharp.<span> </span>His hearing and sight have
diminished a great deal, but his mind and memory are still quite sharp and he
is very healthy and active for 97. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>We
really had a nice visit and a really nice lunch.<span> </span>I realize,
statistically, my uncle's days are numbered, although I wouldn’t be the least
surprised if he lived well into his hundreds.<span>
</span>I try to visit him and his sister (who's 94) more often.<span> </span>I’d call them more, but they don’t hear very
well, so it’s sometimes hard to have a conversation by telephone.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span>I saw another show at a different theater where I had worked often. </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Once again, I had two empty seats next to me.<span> </span>I was right on the aisle of the fifth or
sixth row with the two seats on my left.<span>
</span>I once again imagined Mom and Dad were with me (or maybe it wasn’t my
imagination at all).</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>This particular show involved audience participation, and I ended up being on the stage with the other actors (three of whom were friends I had worked with previously in other productions). </span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span></span>It was a lot of fun but it <i>was</i> surreal watching the first act from
on stage.<span> </span>What was even weirder was
being on a stage I had worked on professionally for several years surrounded by
people I had acted with professionally, but this time only being a guest.<span> </span>What it made me feel was “I need to be on
stage again.<span> </span>I belong here.<span> </span>I should be in shows just like this
one.”<span> </span>I hope it happens sooner than
later.</span></span> I'm ready to be on stage again. </span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>It was fun being back home in Utah. I've missed my former home and my friends and family a lot.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>The day after I got back home to Jonah, we took our trip to California. We went to San Jose and Petaluma, but what was really memorable for me was visiting San Francisco. I've only been to San Francisco twice (to the best of my knowledge) - once when I was very young and once on a theatre trip when I was in high school in 1986.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>I have just snatches of memories from my first trip. I remember crossing a bridge (the Golden Gate or Oakland, I can't remember (though I know I crossed the Oakland Bridge on my 1986 trip)); I remember being in a park (probably Golden Gate Park) by a merry-go-round with my mom's brothers' kids; I remember watching <i>The Lone Ranger</i> on my grandma's TV in her apartment and wanting to take her TV home to Utah because we didn't get that show in Utah; I remember my siblings teasing me because I had a crush on one of my cousins - I think I played in the backyard of my Uncle John's house in Martinez. That's all I really remember from that trip.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>The 1986 trip I remember better because I was older. I remember riding the cable car with two of my actor friends; I remember going to Alcatraz and Fisherman's Wharf; Grandma came out in a taxi to visit me while I was there; I remember how expensive everything seemed; and I remember spending a lot of time on the campus of Berkley for the theatre competition we were there for.<br /><br />To the best of my knowledge, I never visited any of Mom's old stomping grounds. I decided to do that on this trip with Jonah. We did cross the Golden Gate Bridge on our way to Petaluma, and that was pretty neat.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IzfBg-ThzMk/VESWYgmL_GI/AAAAAAAACTI/qNl1NAK35JA/s1600/1969133_10153242756238289_6512719720198678729_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IzfBg-ThzMk/VESWYgmL_GI/AAAAAAAACTI/qNl1NAK35JA/s1600/1969133_10153242756238289_6512719720198678729_n.jpg" height="320" width="181" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>We happened to go to Petaluma on a Saturday and went to San Francisco on Sunday, so traffic wasn't too bad either day, </span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>although I felt like the drivers around me were
driving much faster than was necessary.<span>
</span>It made me nervous.</span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I had brought some old pictures of Mom in San
Francisco (at her church, her childhood apartment, the apartment she lived in
as a teenager, the park, etc.) and thought it might be fun to take some “then
and now” photos. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span><span style="font-size: small;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Our
GPS pooped out on us during the drive so we took a wrong turn and ended up
somewhere different than we had intended to go, but maybe it was meant to be
that way.<span> </span>We happened onto Mom’s childhood
street, Broderick Street, and worked our way to her old apartment
building.<span> </span>San Francisco is not an easy
city to park in, so Jonah ended up driving around while I would take pictures
in various locales and then he would pick me up.<span> </span>I was trying to be artsy and took pictures of
Mom’s old photos in front of the locale where they had been taken originally.<span> </span>I didn’t line the old photos up as accurately
as I would have liked, but like I said, I was in a hurry.</span></span></div>
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</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hznmmnYkveY/VESMKWXyf-I/AAAAAAAACR0/CCkcoTbzdNc/s1600/042.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hznmmnYkveY/VESMKWXyf-I/AAAAAAAACR0/CCkcoTbzdNc/s1600/042.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom's childhood apartment</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i> </i><span style="font-size: small;"><span>There
was something kind of magical about standing in spots my mother had once stood
as a child (or where her parents had stood), and there was something cool about
visiting these places I had never (to my knowledge) been before.<span> </span>When I was taking photos of Mom’s old
apartment building from her childhood, some lady was trying to get in (and
someone eventually buzzed her in), and I thought how cool it would have been to
actually go inside Mom’s old apartment (not that it would have meant much to me
since I had never been there).<span> </span>It was
fun to take pictures in front of her old apartment and in front of the
apartment of her friend, Mildred Palmer, who lived across the street when Mom
was a girl.<span> </span>As fun as the taking of the
photos was, I think Jonah's driving around San Francisco was stressful.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xeuDbLvXuUk/VESLAOohK8I/AAAAAAAACOw/knslCa3jMGU/s1600/043.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xeuDbLvXuUk/VESLAOohK8I/AAAAAAAACOw/knslCa3jMGU/s1600/043.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Note the lady trying to get into the apartment building</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aCm78HBQ2m0/VESLABKet6I/AAAAAAAACOo/wTccdLra4k8/s1600/044.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-aCm78HBQ2m0/VESLABKet6I/AAAAAAAACOo/wTccdLra4k8/s1600/044.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rwQAhRa7eqI/VESLBBHJw3I/AAAAAAAACPA/WBKJPa1puWc/s1600/045.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rwQAhRa7eqI/VESLBBHJw3I/AAAAAAAACPA/WBKJPa1puWc/s1600/045.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LV835WiXfeg/VESLBhjBbYI/AAAAAAAACPE/2lYoQXU6dy4/s1600/046.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LV835WiXfeg/VESLBhjBbYI/AAAAAAAACPE/2lYoQXU6dy4/s1600/046.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom and her mom and siblings</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cilfFF_hu4E/VESLB5o-AXI/AAAAAAAACPI/N14VFI0AkuA/s1600/047.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cilfFF_hu4E/VESLB5o-AXI/AAAAAAAACPI/N14VFI0AkuA/s1600/047.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mildred Palmer's old apartment. Her dad was my grandparents' landlord.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qWXqQKiB14U/VESLCSgq4PI/AAAAAAAACPQ/sbgli_aPU1Y/s1600/048.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qWXqQKiB14U/VESLCSgq4PI/AAAAAAAACPQ/sbgli_aPU1Y/s1600/048.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom and her dad and brothers</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LqNxfUWIdrA/VESLDcUQEGI/AAAAAAAACPk/4cNQIqBWJAI/s1600/050.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LqNxfUWIdrA/VESLDcUQEGI/AAAAAAAACPk/4cNQIqBWJAI/s1600/050.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom and her mom</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cvQ-VkHiskM/VESLDvJf-OI/AAAAAAAACPs/mRqPW6jV3ho/s1600/051.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cvQ-VkHiskM/VESLDvJf-OI/AAAAAAAACPs/mRqPW6jV3ho/s1600/051.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UFlkAEzXeIw/VESLE-QumgI/AAAAAAAACQA/9i4UZNSqG5k/s1600/053.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UFlkAEzXeIw/VESLE-QumgI/AAAAAAAACQA/9i4UZNSqG5k/s1600/053.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom and her brothers</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span> <i>Mom and her brothers</i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>We
next went to Mom’s old high school, which is now the home of a community
college, I believe.<span> </span>We actually did find
parking there.<span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mqLaos9tQn4/VESMKt5lkcI/AAAAAAAACR4/TUqsZFGeVDo/s1600/057.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mqLaos9tQn4/VESMKt5lkcI/AAAAAAAACR4/TUqsZFGeVDo/s1600/057.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Then we drove to my grandpa and grandma's old apartment and I took some pictures there
while Jonah drove around.<span> </span> </span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RBgeIK9mf9k/VESMKyh9fqI/AAAAAAAACSA/FG9nXP6wOKI/s1600/060.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RBgeIK9mf9k/VESMKyh9fqI/AAAAAAAACSA/FG9nXP6wOKI/s1600/060.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> <i>Where Mom lived as a teenager</i></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2qH-VPgKwVw/VESLJS4vVxI/AAAAAAAACRE/DMn-c36wf8E/s1600/062.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Mom's mom and stepfather</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1lefWVw2o0A/VESLI8nHAgI/AAAAAAAACQ8/rda9Mfm5o64/s1600/061.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1lefWVw2o0A/VESLI8nHAgI/AAAAAAAACQ8/rda9Mfm5o64/s1600/061.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>I stood on
the same step Mom had once stood on as a young woman and doing so made me feel
connected to her in a different way than I had experienced before.<span> </span>I wish I would have had more time to take it
in, but it was still nice.</span></span> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
had wanted to get some photos in Panhandle Park (off of Golden Gate Park), but
the park was very crowded that Sunday and traffic was heavy in the area, and
there just wasn’t any place to park, so we decided to bag it.</span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> </span></span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Our
next stop was Mom’s old church, the Sunset Ward, and actually, Jonah was able
to find a parking spot.<span> </span>We almost didn’t
want to give it up.<span> </span>Because it was
Sunday, church was in session, and as I approached the church building, some
ward members and the missionaries came out.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qPKIMsvojkE/VESLLr4JijI/AAAAAAAACRo/cE8AnGZgu3U/s1600/066.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qPKIMsvojkE/VESLLr4JijI/AAAAAAAACRo/cE8AnGZgu3U/s1600/066.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-o-pDk3O8hlQ/VESLJ4x61UI/AAAAAAAACRU/Skqa3xkM17k/s1600/063.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-o-pDk3O8hlQ/VESLJ4x61UI/AAAAAAAACRU/Skqa3xkM17k/s1600/063.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> <i>Mom is front at the very right</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><i><br /></i></span></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>I talked with them a bit and explained what I was doing and asked if
they thought it would be okay if I went inside.<span>
</span>They said they thought that would be alright.<span> </span>I went in and took a photo of the picture of
Jesus that is shown in the picture my mom had of a conference taken in
1956.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F622t4QK9Tk/VESLKQbUS6I/AAAAAAAACRQ/5zrtZzwsB0M/s1600/064.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F622t4QK9Tk/VESLKQbUS6I/AAAAAAAACRQ/5zrtZzwsB0M/s1600/064.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sSr15Onxzj0/VESQgKZSVvI/AAAAAAAACSo/ZPHsPKWJIl0/s1600/David%2BO%2BMcKay%2Band%2BMom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sSr15Onxzj0/VESQgKZSVvI/AAAAAAAACSo/ZPHsPKWJIl0/s1600/David%2BO%2BMcKay%2Band%2BMom.jpg" height="499" width="640" /></a></div>
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</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This was a conference held in the Sunset Ward building in San Francisco in 1956 presided over by David O. McKay. Note the picture of Jesus in the middle.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><br /></i></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J4lJM4fljZY/VESQOOSmbJI/AAAAAAAACSU/5jIgc34AfqE/s1600/David%2BO%2BMcKay%2Band%2BMom%2Bcloseup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-J4lJM4fljZY/VESQOOSmbJI/AAAAAAAACSU/5jIgc34AfqE/s1600/David%2BO%2BMcKay%2Band%2BMom%2Bcloseup.jpg" height="366" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> <i>Close-up. David O. McKay and his wife are at the far right in the middle. Mom is in the back left with the "x" over her head.</i></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><i><br /></i></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>I
ran into a custodian who knew the building well, and he was very nice.<span> </span>Sacrament Meeting was going on, so I couldn’t
go in the chapel, but the custodian let me go into the cultural hall and take a
photo.<span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-79_AqPQkEzg/VESLK-3pSxI/AAAAAAAACRY/uGscLb0HLt4/s1600/065.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-79_AqPQkEzg/VESLK-3pSxI/AAAAAAAACRY/uGscLb0HLt4/s1600/065.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span> <i>Mom in the cultural hall.</i></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>He talked to me about the
building and asked me about my parents when I explained why I was doing what I
was doing.<span> </span>I felt a little bad because
he was under the impression that I was still a member of the church and he was
trusting me because of that, but he was very kind and I appreciated his letting
me have a closer look at the building.</span></span> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Being
in the same room that my parents once held their wedding reception in (at least
I think it was) was touching and moving.<span>
</span>It almost brought me to tears.<span> </span>It
was so surreal being in the place where Mom and Dad were at the beginning of
their marriage, especially since I had never been there before.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fhMvzZC_7Mc/VESQOMlNgeI/AAAAAAAACSQ/RoaQpyqW94U/s1600/Dad%2Band%2BMom%2Bon%2Bwedding%2Bday.jpg" height="319" width="320" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> <i>Dad and Mom at their reception</i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><i><br /></i></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span></span>It was a nice connection.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>Once
I took my photos, Jonah and I both agreed that driving and parking in San
Francisco was more stressful than we wanted to deal with, so we opted not to
explore any more of San Francisco and drove back to Petaluma.<span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span><span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> On our way back home </span></span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span>we had decided to drive home via the Pacific Coast
Highway even though it would add about 5 and half hours to our trip.<span> </span>We just thought it would be a fun and scenic
way to end our trip.<span> </span>We got up early on
Monday morning and had breakfast at the motel (and it was a pretty good
spread).<span> </span>We left about 7 or 7:15
am.<span> </span>Because it was Monday, traffic from
Petaluma to San Francisco was much worse than it had been on Saturday and
Sunday.<span> </span>It was also a little foggy.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--R-SXZ0pF9Y/VESUhi0_NpI/AAAAAAAACS0/xJLcNtwZ57M/s1600/10384271_10153249668608289_9215677025253493581_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--R-SXZ0pF9Y/VESUhi0_NpI/AAAAAAAACS0/xJLcNtwZ57M/s1600/10384271_10153249668608289_9215677025253493581_n.jpg" height="320" width="181" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>We actually spent the first hour of our trip
in traffic from Petaluma to San Francisco. <span></span>Driving in San Francisco was even worse than it had
been on Sunday, but we got through okay and then onto the freeway.<span> </span>There sure were a lot of crazy drivers on the
way, though.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span>The Pacific Coast Highway was pretty awesome and very
beautiful, but there were also times when it felt precarious and scary.<span> </span>There were really beautiful trees, and it was
fun to drive the coast and see the ocean.<span>
</span>Some drivers seemed so impatient (and one guy, in particular, who
crossed the double lines seemed unnecessarily dangerous).<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lN_QfTaLSD4/VESVRwCfV-I/AAAAAAAACS8/JDfQZY4L7TQ/s1600/10407846_10153249669423289_1179735684120181790_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lN_QfTaLSD4/VESVRwCfV-I/AAAAAAAACS8/JDfQZY4L7TQ/s1600/10407846_10153249669423289_1179735684120181790_n.jpg" height="320" width="181" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span>I felt Mom and Dad with us on the trip, and I was
reminded of the poem I wrote about in <a href="http://www.gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/08/the-period-of-mourning-is-officially.html" target="_blank">this post</a>:</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span></span><span class="usercontent"><i>"Do
not stand at my grave and weep,</i></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><i><span>I am not there, I do not sleep.</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><i><span>I am in a thousand winds that blow,</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><i><span>I am the softly falling snow.</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><i><span>I am the gentle showers of rain,</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><i><span>I am the fields of ripening grain.</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><i><span>I am in the morning hush,</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="usercontent"><i><span>I am in the graceful rush</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>Of far-off birds in circling flight,</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>I am the starshine of the night.</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>Lacrymosa, dies illa (That sorrowful day)</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>I am in ev’ry flower that blooms,</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>I am in still and empty rooms.</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>I am the child that yearns to sing:</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>I am in each lovely thing</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>Do not stand at my grave and cry,</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="textexposedshow"><i><span>I am not there. I did not die."</span></i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span>All the beautiful sights we saw on our Pacific Coast
Highway drive reminded me that Mom and Dad are very much with me.<span> </span>I wondered if Dad had driven this route when
he visited Mom from Long Beach or on his way back to his ship when he was in the Navy. It seems logical that he might have taken that route.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><br /></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span>At the beginning of our drive, Jonah got a message
from the woman in Utah to whom he had given the Jack O’ Lantern he originally
made for Mom, but which we took after Mom moved out of her house.<span> </span>She wrote:</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span>“<i>Hey [Jonah],</i></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>A couple of years ago, you surprised me with a gift of
this pumpkin where I keep your card and think of you every fall when I put my
decorations out. Love it still and wanted to let you know...Jane. <br />
Sandy Antique Mall, Ut”</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Jonah responded</span>:</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">“<i><span>Hi Jane</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>“It was so great to get this email from you ,,, I knew
you were the right person to take care of this special pumpkin that my mother
in-law loved so much before she was moved into assisted living. In
September of 2013 she passed away and our trips to Utah are not as frequent as
they were before but it's great to know that this piece of folk art that I
made has a great caretaker like you ..... So thank you for being a great
caretaker and sending me this email when I needed it. It means a lot to me that
you love it ,,,</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>“Take care Jane and thank you for the blessing of your
email ,,, </span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>“Sincerely</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><i><span>“[Jonah]”</span></i></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>We
thought that was maybe Mom’s way of letting us know she was with us.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span>Both of the trips I took were very enjoyable, and I'm really glad Mom and Dad tagged along. They are always welcome. </span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span><span> </span></span></span></div>
Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-56564921189654324782014-09-01T11:35:00.002-07:002014-09-01T11:36:11.909-07:00'Til We Meet Again, Dear AnneOn July 6 I wrote <a href="http://www.gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/07/cancer-sure-knocked-wind-out-of-my-sails.html" target="_blank">this post</a> about my dear friend, Anne, who was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer. On Saturday night a friend informed me that she had passed away that afternoon. What was weird was that ten minutes before I found out I suddenly got emotional and weepy for no apparent reason. I don't know if it was coincidental or connected, but I thought it was interesting.<br />
<br />
I wish you could have known Anne. If joy, laughter, light, energy, life, and love could be personified, it would be Anne. It's so fun to read all the nice things people have been writing about her. It's clear that everyone who knew or was touched by her feels the same way about her as I do: she was one of the most beautiful souls, inside and out, that I have ever known.<br />
<br />
Anne died as she lived, as fully as possible and with no regrets. When she walked in a room, it was like getting a breath of fresh air. I shall miss that.<br />
<br />
I truly think the world is poorer for the loss of Anne (although I know Anne is still very much with us). Anne was truly too good for this world and heaven is truly fortunate now. But those of us left behind are heartbroken.<br />
<br />
I know you're still around, Anne, but I can't wait to see you smiling face and to feel your warm embrace and energy again.<br />
<br />
I love you.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-79946262935439698282014-08-13T19:00:00.000-07:002014-08-13T19:00:00.028-07:00Robin Williams, Suicide, And Depression<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-V7bdWm_QzJQ/U-vWkApKQoI/AAAAAAAACNk/h_bJcKm_cgU/s1600/Robin-Williams.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-V7bdWm_QzJQ/U-vWkApKQoI/AAAAAAAACNk/h_bJcKm_cgU/s1600/Robin-Williams.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
Like many people, I find Robin Williams' death sad and tragic. I was shocked by both his death and the way he died. What has shocked me more, however, is how insensitive people have been regarding his death or the choice he made to end his life.<br /><br />I've seen people call him a coward or selfish, for example, and these words have hurt my heart. Judging from all the kind things people who knew Williams personally have said about him, I doubt the last thing he would ever have wanted to do was hurt anybody he cared about, although leaving behind those that he loved has likely done just that.<br />
<br />
I myself have never suffered from severe depression, although I have (in the past) wondered if life would be easier if I just were dead. I have a few dear friends who do suffer from severe depression. I have one friend who is so talented and terrific, but he deals with terrible depression. I have fully expected to hear that he has taken his life, but he hangs on even though life can feel very miserable to him at times. I know he has thought about suicide at times.<br /><br />The sad fact is that there are some who suffer from depression that just can't seem to get out of its throes. I've seen people insensitively question why a man as rich, successful, and funny as Robin Williams would take his own life when he seemingly had so much to live for. But none of those things can fix true depression. <br />
<br />
Larry King, in referring to Williams' depression offered the following description of someone who suffers from depression:<br /><i><br />"With depression, somebody could walk into a room and tell you that your
rich uncle just died and left you a million dollars. Or that same person
could walk in and tell you that your uncle died alone, face up in a
gutter somewhere. The news would hit you the same either way."</i><br />
<br />
Having never experienced the kind of depression my friends or Robin Williams have experienced, I cannot say I know how it feels. I just know I can't judge the choices someone makes who suffers from depression. To me, there is a little difference between cancer, a broken leg, a stroke, a burn, schizophrenia, or depression; they are all ailments that need treatment<i> </i>and if not treated, can lead to complications or death. <br /><br />I do not know how it feels to think the only option to release from pain and sadness is to take one's life, but I know there are people who do and sometimes they make that choice, and I can't judge them for that.<br /><br />I remember many years ago a friend of mine committed suicide. He was just a wonderful man, and I was shocked by his death by his own hand. At his funeral I got the very clear impression that he was genuinely surprised by how much people cared about and loved him - and I guess that's the thing, when a person is in a frame of mind to kill themselves, they aren't seeing things as they might actually be; their perception has led them to believe that this is the only way out.<br />
<br />
In the end, I'm glad God is the final judge. I surely don't need to condemn Robin Williams. He was, by many accounts, a very kind and open individual and he was a great actor and comedian. I liked him very much and I hope he has found some of the peace that seemed to elude him in his mortal life.<br />
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<br />Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-88383452001165434952014-08-13T13:37:00.000-07:002014-08-13T13:37:46.259-07:00The Period of Mourning Is Officially OverSunday night I was feeling particularly sad and missing Mom a lot. It had actually been a rough day for both Jonah and me. He had been thinking about his dad a lot and I had been dwelling on my mom. <br />
<br />
Jonah had gone to work and I decided to listen to some choral music. I found a playlist on Spotify and started listening. The second song was one I had never heard before based on a poem I was not familiar with.<br />
<br />
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<br />
Here are the lyrics:<br />
<br />
<i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">"Do not stand at my grave and weep,<br /> I am not there, I do not sleep.<br /> I am in a thousand winds that blow,<br /> I am the softly falling snow.<br /> I am the gentle showers of rain,<br /> I am the fields of ripening grain.<br /> I am in the morning hush,<br /> I am in the graceful rush<span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> Of far-off birds in circling flight,<br /> I am the starshine of the night.<br /> Lacrymosa, dies illa (That sorrowful day)<br /> I am in ev’ry flower that blooms,<br /> I am in still and empty rooms.<br /> I am the child that yearns to sing:<br /> I am in each lovely thing<br /> .<br /> Do not stand at my grave and cry,<br /> I am not there. I did not die."</span></span></i><br />
<br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">As I heard these words I felt Mom's presence very clearly, and the message she had to give me was simple and direct: "Stop mourning!"</span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span>
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">I felt her spirit say to mine, "It's okay that you miss me; it's even good that you miss me. It's okay that you cry because you miss me. It's okay that you're sad sometimes. But you don't have to be sad, you don't have to miss me, and you don't have to cry because I'm right here. I have never left. I am still with you, so there's no need to mourn anymore."<br /><br />I felt no judgment from her, and I also felt that it was my choice to continue to grieve or not, but that she was simply telling me I didn't have to anymore; that if I was grieving for me, that was my choice, but if I was grieving for her, it isn't necessary.</span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span>
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">Part of the reason I get sad about Mom (aside from the fact that I just miss her incredibly) is that I never want her to forget how much I love and miss her. She was essentially telling me she already knows, nor is she gone, so it's not necessary for me to be sad.</span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span>
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">Little things trigger my emotions. On Saturday I was thinking of going to Wells Fargo to deposit a check, and for some reason I started thinking about the branch my mom banked with in Utah and how the tellers were all so friendly with her and new her by name and appearance and I wondered if any of the "regulars" she had seen in there ever wondered where she was or if they missed seeing her, and it made me sad. It was a weird chain of thoughts, but it just made me miss the way things once were.<br /><br />When I researched the poem the song was based on, I found this on Wikipedia:</span></span><br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span>
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><i>[Mary Elizabeth] Frye, who </i></span></span><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><i>was living in Baltimore at the time, wrote the poem in 1932.
She had never written any poetry, but the plight of a young German Jewish
woman, Margaret Schwarzkopf, who was staying with her and her husband,
inspired the poem. Margaret Schwarzkopf had been concerned about her
mother, who was ill in Germany, but she had been warned not to return
home because of increasing anti-Semitic
unrest. When her mother died, the heartbroken young woman told Frye
that she never had the chance to 'stand by my mother’s grave and shed a
tear'. Frye found herself composing a piece of verse on a brown paper
shopping bag. Later she said that the words 'just came to her' and
expressed what she felt about life and death.</i></span></span><br />
<br />
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">I completely agree with Frye's assessment on life and death: Mom is actually here with me. There is no need to weep over her loss because I haven't actually lost her at all. While I can't see and talk to her in the same way I could when she was in her physical body, I can see talk to her and hear and feel her if I pay attention. I can still "see" her in many, many different ways. This knowledge is of great comfort to me, and I believe it. As we approach the first anniversary of Mom leaving her mortal body, I am choosing not to mourn and grieve, for she is not gone at all. I'm sure there will be moments when I forget that and become sad. but I am actively reminding myself that she is still right here with me.</span></span><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /></span></span></i>Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-65676586747012846412014-07-30T15:23:00.000-07:002014-07-30T15:23:54.941-07:00A Visit From MomSunday night I'm pretty certain Mom paid me a visit. Jonah and I had gone to see a production of <i>Cabaret</i> and then I dropped him off at work and went back home. I re-watched the last two episodes of "Lost" again because I find them moving, particularly the last episode. <br /><br />As I've mentioned before, the show deals with themes of life and death and what happens to us when we die and the legacy we leave behind. These thoughts have been on my mind lately and I thought re-watching these episodes could help reinforce some of the ideas I've been thinking about.<br /><br />As I watched the last episode, I thought about how wonderful it will be to be reunited with those who have gone before us. And I felt her. I felt Mom was there with me.<br /><br />I went into the backyard into our beautiful garden. The weather was cooler with a light breeze. And I felt her there with me, and I talked with her.<br />
<br />
I went back in the house. It was almost time to pick Jonah up from work. I played a song on the piano called "And I Love You So." I've talked about this <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/02/little-signs-and-story-of-my-life.html" target="_blank">before </a>where I played the song and then the same song played in my car just minutes later. Well, the same thing happened again. I was playing the song on the piano and singing, and I felt like Mom, much as she had done so in mortal life, was sitting nearby or leaning over me listening to me perform.<br /><br />When I got in the car to go pick up Jonah, the very same song started playing, and I just started laughing because I was sure Mom was with me.<br /><br />But here's another interesting thing. The next day I received this random message from a Facebook friend. We're friends, although not super close, and I have not heard from her in some time. This is what she wrote:<br />
<br />
<i>Hi, [Cody]! This may sound really strange, but last night a vision popped in my head of you when you were little standing with your mom outside in front of a little red wagon (like a radio flyer.) Then you now, with her hand on your knee...almost like saying she's with you. I felt like I needed to share this with you...hope you don't think I'm nuts.</i> <br />
<br />
I replied:<br /><br /><i>I don't think you're nuts at all. I actually am quite certain my mom visited me last night, so this is a pleasant confirmation. </i>[Then I related what I've previously written above] <i>I think your vision is just extra confirmation of </i>[all that I've related].<br />
<br />
<i>I don't believe in coincidences. Thank you so much for sharing.</i><br />
<br />
She wrote back:<br /><br /><i> O gooodie [Cody]!!!! I'm so glad! It was definitely your mama!</i><br />
<br />
<i>There are no coincidences, I'm glad you felt her last night!</i><br />
<br />
<i>Thank you for confirming what I felt was real...this has helped me trust that all my hard work on raising my consciousness is not in vain...& to trust it.</i><br />
<br />
<i>Thank you! I hope all is wonderful with you!</i><br />
<br />
Others may believe as they wish, but I feel certain Mom visited me. At the ver<i>y </i>least, I'd like to think so. It gives me comfort and certainly doesn't seem beyond the realm of possibility.<br /><br />I'm glad my friend followed her instincts and shared her experience with me.<br />
<br />
Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-24332644373407371712014-07-28T02:03:00.001-07:002014-07-28T02:03:06.807-07:00Remembering Pam (Feeling Homesick)A few days ago one of my mom's best friends passed away. Her name was Pam and I had known her as long as I can remember. Mom and Pam were particularly close in the late 80s and through the 90s. They were still friends after that, but Pam gradually kind of disappeared from view over the last few years. I know she had health problems and she stopped going to church, and I felt like her and Mom lost touch even though they both lived in the same neighborhood. I felt like Pam, for whatever reasons, became a bit of a recluse. We saw her occasionally, but it wasn't the same.<br />
<br />
The last time I remember seeing Pam was probably three years ago. Mom and I went to one of our favorite restaurants at the time, Jumbo Buffet, and Pam was there with her son. We chatted and it was all friendly, but Pam seemed distant...different, somehow. Mom was showing signs of dementia then, although she was still doing okay.<br /><br />Pam and Mom used to take walks every day in their neighborhood. It was a ritual for both of them for quite some time, and I know both ladies enjoyed their friendship and talks very much. I always felt a little sad that Pam kind of withdrew.<br /><br />I understand that she even kind of withdrew from her family somewhat as well. Evidently no one in her family, including those that lived with her, knew how sick Pam was until very close to the end. She apparently didn't share that information with her family for whatever reason. She also chose not to go to the hospital or a care facility and died at home, from what I understand. I can respect that, but I also wonder if those who loved her most felt cheated at all.<br />
<br />
I actually don't know what was going on in Pam's life these last few years. As I said, in her later years she didn't seem the same to me.<br />
<br />
I'm glad Pam and Mom are reunited again and I hope they are taking many "walks" together, wherever they may be.<br />
<br />
I'm been thinking a lot about death lately. A lot.<br /><br />It's funny, as I get older I think about my own mortality and, obviously, the older one gets, the more death one experiences. It's natural to lose people you've known and loved as you progress in age. I think Mom's death, Pam's death, Jonah's dad's death, the deaths of some people in Mom's old ward, <a href="http://www.gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/03/tribute-to-harold.html" target="_blank">Harold's death</a>, and the impending death of my friend, <a href="http://www.gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/07/cancer-sure-knocked-wind-out-of-my-sails.html" target="_blank">Anne</a> have really put death on my mind this past year.<br /><br />Another friend's longtime dog passed away, and my other friend's brother just died from cancer.<br /><br />And as I get older, I feel my body slowly falling apart. I'm only 43, but my hips and knees and back and neck and feet ache. I get winded more easily. I can't as easily do things as I could in my twenties or thirties. I don't see or hear as I did ten or twenty years ago. I know I'm getting older. And I know things will just continue to deteriorate. That's just part of mortality.<br /><br />I've talked about death before (<a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2013/05/embracing-death.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2011/08/death.html" target="_blank">here</a>, for example). It's not something I find depressing or scary. It just is. It's a part of this journey we call life and every one of us will experience it eventually. But it is sometimes hard to be separated from people you care about or love or see others go through the same thing.<br />
<br />
I think about Jonah and me. One of us is going to go first (unless we somehow die together, but that isn't as likely a scenario), and it's going to be very painful for whoever is left behind. I think about my poor mom, who had to wait 21 years to be reunited with my father or my grandma, who had to wait almost as long to be reunited with my grandpa. I think about another friend who lost his wife shortly after Mom died and how much he misses her and misses her.<br /><br />Recently I finished re-watching "Lost" and one of the themes of the show deals with death and what happens to us in the afterlife. I am convinced that the afterlife will be a great and wonderful place where we will be able to have continuing relationships with those who have gone before us.<br /><br />It's weird, but sometimes I think I get "homesick" for my heavenly home. Sometimes when I watch the news and hear about wars and crime and the terrible things human beings do to one another, I long for a place filled with peace and love and kindness, which is what I think heaven will be like.<br /><br />Don't get me wrong; I don't wish for death. Not at all. I like my life and it has been and continues to be a happy one. I recently wrote on Facebook:<br /><br /><i><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">"I was
thinking about it today: I have had a great life thus far. Sure, it's
had its share of trials and disappointments, but I honestly wouldn't
change a thing (except maybe quitting piano lessons when I was 10).
Every moment I've had in life, both good and bad, has brought me to the
person I am now, and I like who I am and the life I lead. If I died
today (which I hope is not the case) I could look back on the life I had
and be very satisfied with how it turned out.</span></i>"<br /><br />I think how wonderful it will be to see Mom and Dad again and my friend, Melanie, and Marlyse and my grandmas and grandpas and aunt and neighbors from the ward and Jonah's dad, etc. But it also saddens me that those left behind continue to grieve, even if it's only for a relatively short season.<br /><br />I'm quite convinced that Mom visited me this evening. It was a feeling, but a very strong one. I'm glad she reminds me she's still around. Sometimes I need it. I am quite certain our departed loved ones are not far off at all.<br /><br />I recently read a book called <i>The Afterlife of Billy Fingers</i>, which I briefly talked about in this <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/07/my-trip-to-indiana-sigh.html" target="_blank">post</a>. It reminded me of something that has really been solidifying itself in my brain: I am more and more convinced that the essential purposes of life are to learn and to love. If we are doing those two things, we are living successfully. I don't believe that the kind of judgments we cast on one another (and ourselves) in this life exist so much in the hereafter. I recently came across this quote by Ram Dass:<br /><br /><span style="font-size: small;"><span data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><i>"When you go out into the
woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some
of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are
evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and
you allow it. You appreciate it. You see why it is the way it is. You
sort of understand that it didn’t get enough light, and so it turned
that way. And you don<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span></i><span class="text_exposed_show"><i>’t get all emotional about it. <span>You
just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans,
you lose all that. And you are constantly saying ‘You’re too this, or
I’m too this.’ That judging mind comes in. And so I practice turning
people into trees. Which means appreciating them just the way they are.</span></i>"</span></span></span><br /><br />Many near death experiences I've ever read about describe an indescribable love and the experience of not feeling judged. I think this life is a school of learning whatever lessons we're here to learn and a place to learn what love is and how to give and receive it in great abundance.<br />
<br />
Actually, we don't need to learn to love. We already know what that is from the pre-existence. We're here to be reminded of the love we already know.<br /><br />I would like to experience a life of pure, unfiltered love. The world would be so much better if we just loved without judgment, if we could really understand each others' hearts purely and totally. I long for that.<br /><br />As for me, I try (and sometimes fail) to be as good and as loving a person as I know how to be. I hope whenever my time comes that I will be remembered as someone who brought love and positivity into this world we all share. Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-47588865402484909212014-07-19T23:14:00.001-07:002014-07-19T23:14:17.210-07:00Missing The Theatre CommunityJonah was nominated for a costuming award by the local theatre community for a show he did. Because he was busy costuming another production, he was unable to attend the awards ceremony. I happened to be free that night, and Jonah and I both thought it would be a good idea if I went in his stead to represent him. <br />
<br />
Jonah actually didn't think he would win, although I do think he secretly wanted to. I actually had a feeling he might and prayed that he would. Jonah is an incredibly talented costume designer, and even though I may be biased, he truly does have a gift. The theater company that did the production he was nominated for has not always been very good about showing their appreciation for his work. It is my opinion that the powers that be that operate this particular theater sometimes take Jonah for granted and even take advantage of him. Jonah has done a lot of work for them and has helped them out a lot, and sometimes I feel they don't give him either the recognition or thanks he deserves. In any case, part of me just wanted him to win the award because I thought it would be a nice symbol of the appreciation I think my guy deserves.<br />
<br />
Jonah thought the night might be fun for me as well, a chance to hobnob with some of the local theatre community. When I worked in Utah, I was very in touch with the local theatre community. I worked as an actor a lot, and I developed a lot of friendships. I'd see the same people at parties, auditions, and jobs, and it was a great network of people to belong to.<br /><br />Here, I'm not as active in the theatre community, and I don't know as many people. I also feel like the professional theatre community is not as strong as it was in Utah, but the community theatre network is doing some great stuff. In any case, I feel like a bit of an outsider even though I know a few people in the local theatre community. It's an odd feeling to be an outsider when not so long ago I felt like an insider.<br /><br />The awards ceremony was enjoyable. I got to meet to some interesting and nice people and have a little more exposure to the theatre community here.<br /><br />But I also felt a certain yearning to be back on stage again. I miss it.<br /><br />At the same time, I love being home with Jonah. I love being home. Period. With my husband and our cats. I like having a steady, stable, relatively secure, enjoyable job at a company that has good benefits and treats me well. I like not having to live out of a suitcase. I like not having to constantly hustle for the next acting job. <br /><br />But I miss doing plays. I miss the variety of playing different characters. I miss the theatre network I was a part of.<br /><br />I like my current job. I really do. But I also am a little bored, which has always been a problem for me. I get bored too easily. I do the same job for a while, and I get bored.<br /><br />Truth is, I would be foolish to give up the job I have. The hours are great, the pay is enough, the job at least relates somewhat to my chosen field of study, and most of the time it is enjoyable. And it's easy. So easy. For what I get paid, this job is a piece of cake. I still am acting, and I play a delightful character that I enjoy playing. But it's lost its newness, and I would love to do something more meaty. I wish I could just take six weeks off and do a play somewhere, but that's not really possible. I'll probably stay here until the show we're doing closes, which could be anywhere from three years to indefinitely.<br /><br />The theatre company I worked for in Utah is doing some exciting stuff this coming season, stuff that I would have enjoyed doing and could probably have gotten cast in. I'm always interested in auditioning for the Utah Shakespeare as well. I'd love to do some more Shakespeare. Even though musicals were often my bread and butter, I'm not as interested in doing them as I once was, although once in a while one will come along that I'd love to be a part of. Truth is, my body just doesn't feel like doing choreography anymore, and I don't have as good of breath support as I once did. Musicals are harder work in some ways than straight plays, although straight plays can be exhausting, too. And maybe I've reached a period in my life when I just need to take it easy for a bit. If the show I'm involved in closes in the future, maybe I can go back to stage work again.<br /><br />I have gotten a little more involved in film and TV lately and have even booked a couple of gigs, but I don't know if my strengths lie in TV and film work or not. In some ways it feels like I'm starting over again.<br /><br />When I was at the awards ceremony, I was a little jealous that some of these theatre companies were doing some productions that are geared more to the type of theatre I am interested in doing. In fact, coincidentally, I had just read two of the plays that were up for nomination. Because I am a member of Actors' Equity Association and these companies are non-union, I couldn't do these shows anyway, but I still would love to do more serious theatre.<br />
<br />
At the ceremony they had some performers from various shows around town do some musical numbers from different shows, and some of these people were quite talented, and it just made me miss being on stage.<br /><br />Jonah's award was one of the first. His was the last name to be announced from the list of nominees, and when they announced him as the winner my chest practically burst with pride. I went up to accept the award on his behalf and almost cried I was so happy for my husband. I said a few short words about how I knew Jonah was so honored to be nominated and recognized for his work and I thanked those who voted for him.<br /><br />After I sat down I texted Jonah to let him know he'd won. I really could tell he was proud of having won. He later sent a Facebook message to those in the theatre community to let them know how he felt.<br /><br />A couple of my friends won awards, too, so that was nice. I had an enjoyable time, but it also felt lonely in a way. I can't really explain it.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-31418367810706086342014-07-07T00:00:00.000-07:002014-07-07T09:38:05.980-07:00My Trip To Indiana ---sigh---Well, let me tell you about my trip to Indiana. It was everything I dreamed it would be, and if you have read <a href="http://www.gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2014/05/indiana-vacation-of-my-dreamsnot.html" target="_blank">this post</a>, you know my dreams about this trip were not very good.<br />
<br />
First of all, Jonah's mom backed out of the trip. She's been feeling ill (and really, I think she just didn't want to go) and didn't feel she could make the trip. So the whole reason we were making the trip in the first place, to accompany Jonah's mother, was completely invalidated.<br />
<br />
Furthermore, the tickets we bought were nonrefundable, so we're out that money unless we can convince the airline to make an exception. Jonah's sister, Angie, paid $403 for the ticket, and Jonah and I fronted $111. Of course, once Angie found out Mom wasn't coming, she pestered Jonah about getting her money back. Jonah ended up giving her $300 just to get her off his back, so now he's out that money.<br />
<br />
I know Jonah's mom is actually ill, but not once has she even apologized for putting us in this position, and that has annoyed me. But that's how she is.<br />
<br />
Anyway, neither Jonah nor I were excited to take this trip, but figured we ought to make the most of it. A friend drove us to the airport and when we got there we discovered our flight would be delayed which meant we would likely miss our connecting flight in Dallas, and that flight would be the last to Fort Wayne, Indiana that evening, which meant we might have to stay overnight in Dallas, a prospect we were not looking forward to.<br />
<br />
As we went through security, I saw a video I'm in - one of those TSA instructional videos about what to do and not do when going through security, so that was kind of fun to see. It's fun knowing thousands of people traveling through the airport will see my face every day.<br />
<br />
Jonah and I waited patiently for our flight, which was supposed to leave at 12:25 PM but didn't leave until almost 2 PM, and we joked about how this was just the kind of start we would have to a trip we didn't want to go on in the first place.<br />
<br />
Jonah texted Angie to let her know we might have to stay in Dallas for the night, and of course, Angie freaked out and kept texting Jonah back asking him what that meant and literally texting every 3 or 4 minutes to find out our progress. Jonah ignored her texts, which drove her even more crazy.<br />
<br />
When we finally boarded the plane, we we feeling a bit frustrated, and I find it humorous that a Muzak version of "Let It Go" from <i>Frozen</i> was being played. I also heard a Bon Jovi song and "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons (neither of which really sounds that great as a Muzak arrangement).<br />
<br />
The crew of our first flight never even acknowledged or apologized for the delay, which I didn't think was too cool.<br />
<br />
We arrived in Dallas five minutes before our connecting flight was scheduled to take off and we knew if it were leaving on time we would never make it as our gates weren't remotely close to one another (Dallas is a pretty large airport).<br />
<br />
Fortunately, our connecting flight was also delayed, so we were able to make it (and actually ended up having to wait a while). That flight was supposed to leave at 7:15 and didn't end up leaving until about 8:50. Now we were concerned because we would be arriving in Fort Wayne after the rental car place closed (although we hoped they would remain open).<br />
<br />
The flight to Fort Wayne was on a smaller plane, and I found their crew to be nicer (and apologetic) than the plane we had taken to Dallas. I also saw a lightning storm from above, which I had never seen before, and I thought that was cool.<br />
<br />
Angie text us to let us know that she and her husband, Frank, would be there to pick us up in case the rental place was closed. We ended up getting to Fort Wayne at almost 1:00 AM, almost two hours after we should have gotten there. Fortunately, the rental car place had remained open for us and other passengers.<br />
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<br />
We followed Angie and Frank as they drove toward their house, and then when we got to the street where our hotel was, they pointed the way, said they'd see us the next day, and left us to find it. We found it, and in spite of our lateness, were able to get checked in.<br />
<br />
All in all, as I told Jonah, in spite of delays and inconveniences, I was very pleased we had made both flights, had gotten to Fort Wayne, and had been able to get our car (which was bigger than the one we had requested because they ran out of standard sized cars, so that was a nice upgrade) and checked into our hotel, which was at a very discounted rate because my brother works for Marriott.<br />
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<br />
We were so tired when we got to Fort Wayne. It had been a long, long day, and we went to bed pretty much as soon as we checked in. Our room had a double bed for Mom and one for us, so we just used the one, which was smaller than the king-sized bed we are used to.<br />
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We slept in pretty late that first day. Angie wanted us at her house by 12 or so because she wanted to take photos. I wish I could describe Angie to you. She's not a bad person, although she does carry and hold on to a lot of negativity. She also lives in a world that revolves around her. Somehow she is able to make everything about her and how it affects her. Even though this graduation was about Tatiana (her daughter), somehow what she (Angie) wanted was always more important. <span style="font-size: small;">She
had literally told us that although she knew we were on vacation, we were hers
for the entire time we were there.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I
don’t remember what time we ended up going to Angie’s (probably more like 1 or
so). Angie wanted to take photos of us
with her and the family and Tatiana.
She was bossing everybody around and somehow once again making it more
about what she wanted than anything. We
smiled through it, though, and got some good pictures. I also got to meet Aiden, Angie and Frank’s son, who seemed like a pretty level-headed kid for how crazy his mom
is sometimes.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I
was pleased the weather was about 20 degrees cooler than it had been at home. It was pretty pleasant the whole
time we were there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Tatiana had to be to the Colliseum (the venue where the graduation was to be held) at
3:45 pm. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> For some reason Angie wanted
us all there at that time as well even though the graduation didn’t start until
6:00 pm. Jonah, me, and Jonah’s niece, Melissa, ducked out on the pretense of going to the bank (which we did, to get
the money Angie wanted, but we were gone much longer than we needed to
be). We also found out that Angie had
guilted Melissa into buying groceries for her and her family and that Melissa, who had originally planned on staying until Wednesday, wanted to
leave on Monday because she was already fed up with Angie and didn’t want to
stay at their apartment anymore. We told
her she could stay with us since we had Mom’s spare bed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
At the graduation I met Frank's mother and Angie’s biological mother and aunt. Angie’s real mother, Sandra, was once a
prostitute, and I’m not even sure if Angie knows who her biological father is. It was during the time she was prostituting
that she essentially abandoned Angie, which is when Jonah’s parents stepped in
and basically raised her. Sandra has
since converted to Mormonism and seems a much different person than the one
Angie knew as a child. Angie still
hangs on to a lot of resentment and won’t let go of the past. I’m not implying that kind of past is easy to
let go of, but it does seem to me that the negativity Angie holds on to
concerning her mother is far more damaging to Angie than it is to Sandra. With Angie, everything is someone else’s
fault, but she never accepts blame for anything herself.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Angie
has recently become a minister in the church she belongs to, but as Jonah
says, she seems to be one who often “talks the talk” but can’t “walk the
walk.” Aiden and Tatiana call Sandra
“Sandra” rather than “Grandma” which bothers Jonah more than it bothers
me. He says that in spite of her faults
or past, Sandra is still the kids’ grandmother and if Angie is going to preach
to others to ‘honor thy father and mother,” she should do the same. But I can sort of understand Angie’s
point-of-view. After all, for much of
her life, Angie was not treated well by Sandra, and I know Angie still hangs
on to that resentment.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
got back to the graduation about 4:45 and waited outside until they opened the
doors at 5 and then waited another hour before it began. I ended up falling asleep. Jonah took a picture of me dozing. What can I say, I was exhausted.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Happily,
the graduation was relatively short. The
speeches were short, and the class was only about 400 or so. I did find it odd that Angie used one of her
tickets to let her pastor sit with her in the parents’ seats, but made Frank's mom sit in the regular seats with us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">I
dislike when people hoot and holler at graduations especially when the audience
is asked to wait until all names are called to applaud. Just a personal preference, but I wish there
had been more decorum. Still, I’m sure Tatiana was pleased to be cheered on by her family.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
met Angie’s pastor after the graduation and we later found out she had advised
Angie against letting us stay with her because our homosexuality would be a
bad influence on the kids and the home.
She also made some disparaging remark about Jonah's mom not being
there. I found her fake and
ingratiating.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
went to IHOP after the graduation and I sat near Sandra and her sister Janice and we actually talked about Mormon stuff a bit. I do miss the Mormon culture a bit, but I
also found Sandra and her sister to be nice, if not a bit overzealous with their
faith.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
went back to Angie’s to get Melissa's stuff and to visit a bit. I was so ready to go back to the hotel, which
we eventually did.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Saturday
we decided to take Aiden, Tatiana, and Melissa on a little adventure,
which was nice. It was nice to get to
know my nephews and nieces better, for them to spend time together, and for all
of us to be away from Angie for a bit. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
started the day by having breakfast at our hotel with Angie, Frank, the
kids, Aiden's girlfriend, and the in-laws.
Then Jonah and I took the kids in the car.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
decided to go to Kokomo, which was about an hour or so away from Ft.
Wayne. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Jonah's sister Rose had called us
and said her ex-boyfriend, Carl (who she’s still on good terms with)’s parents
lived there and he was hoping we could check in on them as he had not seen them
in some time. Jonah, being the very
kind person he is, decided to do just that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">All
the stereotypes I ever had about Indiana seemed to be true: lots of corn fields
and farms,</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">lots of Christians, and a lot of down-to-earth and kind people. Carl’s parents seemed to be no
exception. We did find out that Carl’s
mother has cancer, which Carl did not know about. They were very nice people and it was fun to
just get away even if there was not a lot to see.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
went to a couple of antique stores, both in Kokomo and on the way back to Ft.
Wayne. Aiden and I enjoyed looking at
some <i>Star Wars </i>memorabilia
together. We also went to the Salvation
Army when we got back to Ft. Wayne, but it wasn’t very interesting. We also ate at McDonald’s in Kokomo as well.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
all decided to go to the mall and eat and see a movie. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> I was beyond tired and both Jonah and I
fully expected to sleep during the movie. The kids were interested in seeing <i>Maleficent</i>, which was fine because I
actually wasn’t interested in seeing it and felt it would be a good movie to
sleep through. However, once the movie
started, I actually became interested in it and only dozed off twice, but I
felt like I saw most of it. It was
better than I had expected.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rnVVOj_TGAA/U7pdKz6UkDI/AAAAAAAACLs/kDNLgjBG218/s1600/Maleficent.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rnVVOj_TGAA/U7pdKz6UkDI/AAAAAAAACLs/kDNLgjBG218/s1600/Maleficent.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
got the kids some food to eat and paid for their meals. Angie and Frank are poor, which means the
kids are poor, so it’s not often they’re treated to a movie and a meal. In fact, I think Tatiana was feeling
guilty, like she shouldn’t order much, but I told her to get whatever she
wanted. Then Jonah bought them some
clothes while I went over to Barnes & Noble to look for a book Mom’s
cousin, Linda had recommended called <i>The
Afterlife of Billy Fingers</i>. I was
able to find and buy it, and I quite enjoyed it a lot.</span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9EQ-RCCWjgI/U7peBSIAIFI/AAAAAAAACL4/atPgQA8gCgE/s1600/Billy+Fingers.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-9EQ-RCCWjgI/U7peBSIAIFI/AAAAAAAACL4/atPgQA8gCgE/s1600/Billy+Fingers.JPG" height="320" width="206" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
eventually took the kids back to Angie’s and Angie made some crack to Jonah
about getting her kids home in one piece that he didn’t appreciate. They invited us to stay for a movie. I was tired and wanted to get home, but we
stayed and watched the Liam Neeson movie, <i>Non-Stop</i>,
which I think I would have enjoyed more if Angie and her family hadn’t spent
the whole time talking through it (another pet peeve of mine). </span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3qkuTBPj2nk/U7peVgWgdLI/AAAAAAAACMA/OkQFCGjXb7s/s1600/Non+Stop.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3qkuTBPj2nk/U7peVgWgdLI/AAAAAAAACMA/OkQFCGjXb7s/s1600/Non+Stop.jpg" height="241" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"> Melissa stayed with us again that night.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Sunday
we decided to try to make a day more for ourselves and Melissa. We went to a couple of antique stores. One was in this really weird, creepy looking
building that looked like an office building on the outside and a weird house
with lots and lots of rooms on the inside. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0Uj55O3Yu5o/U7pfA-RQjcI/AAAAAAAACMM/WIpTLe1h9Cc/s1600/Antique+Indiana.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0Uj55O3Yu5o/U7pfA-RQjcI/AAAAAAAACMM/WIpTLe1h9Cc/s1600/Antique+Indiana.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"> I saw a couple of things that reminded me of Mom, including a doll named
Patsy and a diorama of nativity that reminded me of the kind we had growing up. I think Mom was maybe letting me know she was
with us.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">After
the stores, we went to Angie’s apartment clubhouse for a party for Tatiana. Being the introvert that I
am, I hate these sorts of things, especially when I hardly know anybody. There wasn’t much to eat there, just some
crackers, punch, and cake. I spent most
of the time being a wallflower. I heard
some pretty zealous conversations among some of Angie’s fellow
churchgoers. Jonah and Sandra had a
private conversation outside and, of course, Angie assumed it was about her
and kept going out there to try and find out what Jonah and Sandra were talking
about.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">After
the party, we took Melissa to Red Robin for dinner because we needed some real
food.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">We
also toured Ft. Wayne a bit, looking at the many churches in the city </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">as well
as a pretty park called Lakeside Park.
</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pWjVTcn8js0/U7pi7LAYSMI/AAAAAAAACMw/5fPMAs0Wc4s/s1600/Lakeside+Park+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pWjVTcn8js0/U7pi7LAYSMI/AAAAAAAACMw/5fPMAs0Wc4s/s1600/Lakeside+Park+1.jpg" height="320" width="239" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AIRx2o2Va1U/U7pi_jfkOlI/AAAAAAAACM4/DqY1EaAWR4s/s1600/Lakeside+Park+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AIRx2o2Va1U/U7pi_jfkOlI/AAAAAAAACM4/DqY1EaAWR4s/s1600/Lakeside+Park+2.jpg" height="224" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">At my suggestion, we also drove to another park which turned out to be
in a not-so-good part of town and instead of another beautiful park, we saw a
fat sixty-or-so-year-old man with his scrotum and penis hanging out
walk/peeing. No shame at all; he was
just walking forward and peeing at the same time. Why you would want to walk in the direction
you’re peeing is beyond me (really, why you want to walk at all while peeing
(and in the open, no less) is baffling as well). Melissa was shrieking in both horror and
laughter. It was funny, but
unfortunately that horrifying image is seered in my brain as well. That abruptly ended our tour of the parks of
Ft. Wayne.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
After our jaunt in Ft.
Wayne, Jonah wanted to go back to Angie’s.
I didn’t. I chose to be dropped
off at the hotel, and I’m so glad I did.
I read my book in peace and watched “Lost.” Jonah and his sister apparently had it out,
and I guess the tension was quite thick. Jonah basically called her on all her crap and more or less said she
had an evil spirit in her and rebuked it.
I think I had a much more peaceful evening than he or Melissa did. She ended up staying there that night. Angie apologized for abusing Melissa's
kindness. Jonah ended up paying quite a
bit of money so that Melissa could return home with us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
Monday was quite cloudy,
the first sign of bad weather we had seen during our time in Ft. Wayne. We picked Melissa up, said goodbye to Angie
and her family and went to the airport.
We dropped the rental car off.
Ft. Wayne’s airport is rather small and the TSA agents there prove you
don’t have to be disagreeable to do a good job (unlike some of the TSA agents
I’ve encountered at home). I took a
tour of their rather lackluster aviation museum while we waited for our plane.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
We all flew to Dallas
together and had lunch at a Mexican place in the Dallas Airport while we waited
for Melissa’s plane (which was leaving before ours). After we said goodbye to her, Jonah and I
spent a while in the airport during our layover, and once again our plane was
delayed (I swear I’m not flying American Airlines again if I can help it) so we
were in the Dallas Airport for about four hours. I was so tired on both flights, but couldn’t
seem to fall asleep. I mostly read. The small airplane from Ft. Wayne to Dallas
had a much friendlier crew than the one from Dallas to our home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
We arrived to our hometown late
and then had quite a trek to passenger pick-up.
It didn’t matter as Jonah's sister, Stacy, went to the wrong terminal
and didn’t end up picking us up until about a half hour after we got outside.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
It was such a long trip
and we were so tired. There were some
good things about it, but overall, I’d rate this trip as one of my least
favorite ones I’ve ever taken.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Between Mom’s ticket, our own tickets, the
rental car, Melissa’s ticket, the hotel, and eating and shopping, we probably
spent about $2,000 on a trip no one wanted to go on in the first place.</span> When Aiden graduates, I’m just sending a card.</span> <br />
<br />Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-82176438981174991402014-07-06T14:45:00.000-07:002014-07-06T14:56:21.362-07:00Cancer Sure Knocked The Wind Out Of My SailsOn my break at work last night I received some very sad news: a dear friend of mine [let's call her Anne], one of the greatest people I have ever known, has pancreatic cancer and has probably less than two months to live. I have wrote in the past that death is just a part of life, and I still believe that, but man, this one bites. This also comes on the heels of a childhood friend's dad dying and two friends who have lost dogs they've had for many, many years. <br />
<br />
The friend who informed me of Anne's cancer told me she's too weak to let everyone know, so she asked him to tell various friends, including me. I'm glad he did.<br />
<br />
He said I should write her a letter, and I felt like I should. This is, in part, what I wrote: <br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span class="null"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">My Dearest </span></span></i><span class="null"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Anne]</span></span><i><span class="null"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"> (and you are very dear to me indeed),</span></span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">You can imagine the shock I
must have felt when </span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[our mutual friend]</span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"> told me you had pancreatic cancer and would
not be pursuing treatment for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
as if someone told me the sun would stop shining soon or air would no longer be
available to breathe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That may sound a
bit hyperbolic, but it is how I feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">I don’t know how much time
you have left, but I can’t imagine it is relatively much, so I wanted to get
this letter off to you as soon as I could to just remind you how much you have
meant to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you know I love and
adore you, but I hope you know that meeting and knowing you has been one of the
great privileges of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know our
friendship may not be as close or as long as some of your other relationships,
but since I met you, my life has been richer for it as I know it must be for
anyone who knows and loves you.</span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">You are truly one of the
kindest and most generous souls I have met during my sojourn on this
planet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I may say so, you are pure
light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re the kind of person who,
when you walk in a room, fills that room with light and joy and effervescence
and makes anyone else in the room feel more buoyant and happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re the kind of person people just want to
be around because you have such an optimism of spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are good, and in a world that often has a
lot of unpleasantness, you are truly a breath of fresh air.</span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">I remember when I first met
you...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I immediately adored you...</span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">I remember you and </span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Rick (Anne's husband)]</span><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"></span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">
inviting us into your home and it was such a wonderful time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember...you and Mark sharing with us your memorabilia from your days on
Broadway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But mostly, I just remember
feeling the love, laughter, and friendship in that room.</span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">I remember your coming to see
</span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Little Shop of Horrors</span></span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">, I think it
was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was such a joy to see you
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I’ve enjoyed the brief
contacts we’ve had via email since then.</span></i><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Knowing you, I imagine you are at peace with where you are in life and the
circumstances in which you now find yourself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I imagine the hardest part will be having to leave those you love behind
for a season.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know if I’m feeling the
way I’m feeling right now, this is probably especially hard for </span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Rick and Cecily (Anne's daughter)]</span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">.<br />
<br />
Mortality sure does have a way of kicking you in the teeth sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you may know, I lost my mom about ten
months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it gets easier, the
pain of losing her never leaves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss
her every single day of my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was
hard to watch dementia alter her just as I’m sure it is difficult to see what
cancer is doing to you, my vivacious friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I suppose these things are a part of the life we lead here on
earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of us must face the travails
of mortality and aging eventually, and there are many wonderful lessons to be
learned from it, even if those lessons are sometimes accompanied by pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Watching my mother’s last days was very
illuminating for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Caring for her made
me a better and less selfish person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Facing death with her was an extremely spiritual experience.<br />
<br />
The day Mom died I was sitting in her room listening to some of the most beautiful
harp music I had ever heard being performed by a harpist the hospice
provided.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I let this gorgeous and
ethereal music envelop me, I looked around the room in Mom’s assisted living
facility and saw all the photos she had hanging on the walls, and as I looked
at the snapshots from my mom’s life, I was made aware of just what a full and
wonderful life she had led, and I was crying tears of joy because I was so glad
it had been such a good, fulfilling life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was grateful that she (and my late father) had raised us children well
and instilled us with the values that have shaped our lives ever since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized that although she was leaving us,
the legacy she left behind will influence generations to come.<br />
<br />
The angel Clarence says to George Bailey in </span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It’s
a Wonderful Life</span></span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">, “Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other
lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The loss of my mother has left such a hole in
my life, although I know she is still around because I feel her spirit often,
but it’s not the same as seeing her face or touching her hand or hearing her
voice.<br />
<br />
When it comes time to make your transition into whatever lies beyond this
mortal life, you will leave “an awful hole.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The world will be poorer for losing you, but so rich for what you have
left behind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The influence you’ve had on
friends and family is more far-reaching than you can ever imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will be leaving behind a legacy of love,
joy, and inspiration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you are not
gone yet, but I want you to know how very sad I will be when you are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My life is so much richer for having known
and loved you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will always love you,
my friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
Whatever remains of your mortal journey, my dear </span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Anne]</span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">, I hope that it will be
as pain-free and as comfortable for both you and your loved ones as is humanly
possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pray that your days with </span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Rick and Cecily]</span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"> will be filled with more happiness than sadness and more love
than fear.<br />
<br />
</span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Our mutual friend]</span><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"></span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"> told me you are weak, so I don’t expect to hear back from you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope my letter doesn’t seem too maudlin or
macabre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am a realist, and death is
not a frightening aspect of life for me; it just <span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</span> a part of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only
wanted you to know the amazingly positive effect you’ve had on my life (and I’m
sure the lives of everyone you have ever touched) and how much I love and miss
you and will miss you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please give my
love to </span></i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Rick and Cecily]</span><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"></span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"> as well.</span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Love,</span></i><br />
</div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Your friend,</span></i><br />
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">[Cody].</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Losing someone you love is never easy, but this one really sucks. </span><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span></i></div>
<br />Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-48025701341696880202014-06-19T14:11:00.002-07:002014-06-20T19:33:07.127-07:00Excommunication, Kate Kelly, and John DehlinAll right, I'm back from Indiana (a post for another time, perhaps). I had said I wished to talk about excommunication, both my own and the possible excommunications of Ordain Women founder Kate Kelly and <i>Mormon Stories</i> founder John Dehlin.<br />
<br />
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As far as Kate Kelly goes, these two posts at <a href="http://thinkingmormonwoman.blogspot.com/2014/06/mormon-women-and-priesthood-my-thoughts.html" target="_blank">Thinking Mormon Woman</a> and <a href="http://www.neylanmcbaine.com/2014/06/how-the-conversation-about-women-can-go-on.html" target="_blank">Neylan McBaine's blog</a> pretty much sum up many of the thoughts I have on Sister Kelly's future disciplinary proceedings. Kate Kelly, upon receiving an email from her bishop informing her of disciplinary council said she was "totally, totally floored." While she may have been surprised, I think she must have her head in the sand a bit to not know that this might be a possibility.<br />
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As far as what Kate Kelly believes, I have no problem with her feminist views or the fact that she thinks women in the LDS Church should have a more prominent voice. I have no problem with her desire that women be given the priesthood. Frankly, I have no strong views either way about whether women have the priesthood or not. It's not an issue about which I am particularly passionate.<br />
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I certainly do have feminist views. I think women in the church should have more of a voice and presence since decisions and policies affect them. So you might think I'd be more supportive of her not facing disciplinary proceedings. I don't know that excommunication is warranted or not, but I do understand why her local leaders might be concerned.<br />
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Look, to me Kate Kelly's beliefs are not the problem; it's her tactics that are the problem. She's agitating for change (which is understandable), but seems surprised that there will be consequences for doing so.<br />
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People whose opinions I like and respect, including Jana Reiss and Johanna Brooks, have run to Kelly's defense and wonder why members can't ask hard questions without having to worry that their membership is in danger. That's a valid concern. But to me, I don't feel that church leaders are bringing up disciplinary proceedings because Kate Kelly or John Dehlin are asking hard questions; they are bringing them up because Kate Kelly and John Dehlin are "preaching" contrary to the current doctrine of the church and others are following them rather than toeing the church line.<br />
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I've met John Dehlin. I like him. I like what he preaches. I think he's given disenfranchised members a place to belong. I think he's done a lot to help LGBT members and former members find love and acceptance that maybe they didn't always find in their church membership. I think he's a man who has honest questions. I think he's sincere. I think he's a good person. I don't think he desires to lead anyone away from the LDS Church. I think he just wants to give voice to people within the church who don't feel they have one. And I think that's admirable. We could use more of that in the church.<br />
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However, some of the ideas and voices that are being propagated by John Dehlin and his <i>Mormon Stories </i>podcast are leading people away from the organized church whether that is John's intention or not (and I don't think it is).<br />
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The issue may be that people like Kate Kelly and John Dehlin would like the LDS Church to change. This is not necessarily a bad thing. There are changes I would like to see the LDS Church make. But if the church is really run by God, as its leaders and members believe it is, then the church will change when God says it should change, not when individual members feel it should change.<br />
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I don't know Kate Kelly or really much about her. I don't doubt that she's a well-intentioned and good person, but the problem I see that church leaders might have with her is that she is agitating church leaders to do things on her time table rather than on the Lord's.<br />
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In <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jun/16/mormon-woman-excommunication-lds-church-ordination" target="_blank"><i>The Guardian</i></a> Kate Kelly says, "I face potential excommunication for the simple act of opening my mouth
and starting a conversation about gender equality in the church and the
deep roots of this institutional inequality."<br />
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No, Kate, that isn't why you're facing excommunication. You're facing excommunication because you're pretty much demanding that church leaders adopt your beliefs that women should be ordained and you're disobeying the counsel that both they and your local leaders have given you to take down the Ordain Women website, break ties with the group, to not disrupt General Conference proceedings with your cause, and to "stop trying to gain a following for yourself or your cause and lead others away from the church" (<a href="http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/58056757-78/church-women-mormon-lds.html.csp" target="_blank"><i>Salt Lake Tribune </i>article</a>).<br />
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You're facing excommunication because your pride is causing you to think that you know more about what God wants than the ordained leaders of the church do.<br />
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I'm not judging Kate Kelly. She says she is unwilling to do what her leaders have asked because she couldn't do so and still be "authentic" to who she feels she is and what she has to fight for. I totally get that. I feel the same way about being gay and being with my husband. And that's exactly why I was excommunicated.<br />
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Just like Kate Kelly feels she was inspired to start the Ordain Women movement, I felt inspired to make my life with Jonah. But whether we were inspired to do so, whether that was a personal revelation from the Lord or not, it does not negate the fact that what either of us believe or preach may not be in line with official church doctrine.<br />
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Would it be great if the LDS Church recognized my relationship and marriage as acceptable and non-sinful? Sure.<br />
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But they don't. That doesn't mean they won't some day, but they don't now and they didn't at the time I made a choice to have a commitment ceremony with my partner and have a sexual relationship with him. And I refused to step away from Jonah and our relationship in order to remain a member in good standing. And that was why I was excommunicated - because I was unwilling to follow the LDS Church's doctrine as it was currently laid out. Because I thought I knew better about the choices that would make me happy than the church did. <br />
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Being excommunicated is hard. It's painful. It's not fun. One certainly does feel a loss when it happens. But I am undoubtedly happier now than I was when I was an active member of the church. I did what was best for me. I have no regrets about it. It's easier to live my life now because I don't have to try to be in harmony with an organization where I couldn't find full alignment without sacrificing my own emotional well-being. And maybe people like Kate Kelly and John Dehlin can't do so either.<br />
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It's too bad. I think the church loses a lot of good people to excommunication, and while I understand intellectually that excommunication is designed to both protect the church and the member being excommunicated, I think excommunication often drives people farther away from the church rather than helping them to return.<br />
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Kate Kelly often talks about how faithful she and other members like her are. Maybe she feels she is a good member of the church. She probably is. But is it really showing faithfulness to the leaders of the church to defy them because you think you know better than they do? She urges the leaders to pray about the issues that are important to her and presupposes that they haven't. Maybe they have. Maybe they have asked God if it's okay for women to have the priesthood. Maybe God has answered no. But because it's an answer Kate Kelly doesn't like and because it doesn't match what she believes God's will is, she fights against it. And that's her right and maybe even her duty. But don't pretend that action isn't going to have a consequence when it goes against current doctrine.<br />
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I wasn't surprised when I was excommunicated. I hoped I wouldn't be. But I wasn't surprised I was. I was going against established doctrine. I faced the consequences of my actions and accepted it. I wasn't a martyr. I did what was right for me, but went against the church in doing so. And like Kate Kelly and John Dehlin, I continue to advocate and fight for the things I believe are right.<br />
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If the LDS Church really is true and God doesn't want women to have the priesthood or for people in gay relationships to get married, and there are those of us who don't agree with that, we can leave the church and try to find our truth somewhere else. If Kate Kelly wants the priesthood, she can either find a church that will give it to her or wait until the one she believes is true deems it time to do so. She can ask all the hard questions she wants; she can refuse to be silenced; but if what she wants is not currently God's will and if the leaders of the LDS Church are really who they say they are, then they have every right to discipline her for agitating and promoting a change in doctrine that is not ready to be changed.<br />
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The church does change. The church can change. Look at things like polygamy or blacks and the priesthood. And I'm not saying that society doesn't have an impact on church policy. Women having the priesthood may be an eternal doctrine. I actually believe it is. Some people think polygamy is, too, but any member of the church who were to practice polygamy right now would likely be excommunicated if their leaders found out about it. There is much we don't understand, and things have to be done on the Lord's timetable, not our own. The bottom line is if one really believes the LDS Church is God's true church on earth, then one has to decide whether he or she will truly follow the men God has appointed as his spokesmen. If you're not willing to do, as I was not, there will be consequences. <br />
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I've never claimed I knew better than the leaders of the church; I just did what I felt I had to do for my own emotional well-being. A church can excommunicate you from itself, but nobody but God can excommunicate you from God.<br />
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I don't always know if excommunication is inspired or helpful or why some people are excommunicated and others are not. I also don't necessarily think excommunication affects one's standing with the Lord. For example, I look at someone like <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/58075419-78/church-mormon-lds-women.html.csp" target="_blank">Lavina Fielding Anderson</a> and think her standing is probably okay even though she's been excommunicated for 20 years. I feel good about my own standing with my Heavenly Father.<br />
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Should people like Kate Kelly or John Dehlin or Lavina Anderson or me be excommunicated? I don't know. But I won't pretend to be surprised when we are.<br />
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<br />Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-13436684910758600112014-06-14T17:03:00.000-07:002014-06-14T17:03:18.571-07:00Anniversary Of A Different SortFive years ago today I was excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm in Indiana right now and only have my smart phone, so I can't really write about my reflections right now, but with the recent news about possible church disciplinary action being taken against Kate Kelly and John Dehlin, I do have some thoughts about excommunication I am hoping to share.<br />
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Right now, however, I just wanted to mark the anniversary. I haven't forgotten and my life has changed in many ways, mostly positive, since I was excommunicated. Hopefully I can write more about my feelings when I have access to my laptop.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-90883829964807438022014-06-08T16:21:00.001-07:002014-06-08T16:21:27.489-07:00Sympathy For The "Villain"WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS. If you have not seen the original <i>Star Wars</i> trilogy, the TV series "Lost," or read the <i>Harry Potter</i> series...you ought to get on that. No, but seriously, I'll be writing some major spoilery stuff about those, so if you are planning on watching or reading any of those and don't want anything spoiled, don't read this post.<br />
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So the show I'm involved in has a character that is one of the story's villains. He is the son of the main villain. The main villain is a power-hungry tyrant who double-crosses his ally to usurp power from him. His son, however, is a character I've always felt sympathetic towards. In fact, he is my favorite character in the show, and I find him so interesting and multidimensional.<br />
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I've always gotten the impression that the son is trying to live up to his father's expectations, but can never quite please him. He is in love with his father's ally's daughter, but she finds him repulsive and he can't understand why. He watches helplessly as she falls in love with the hero, and while I shouldn't necessarily feel sorry for him, I do. He tries to impress the girl he loves with the power of a device that's intended to destroy and sincerely doesn't understand it when she seems upset by it. He attempts to fight the good guys in the end and ends up being blinded. I just find his arc kind of tragic.<br />
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But I've always been that way. I always seem to find villains interesting characters (and as an actor, I find them fun to play). Some villains are truly terrible people, but there are some "villains" in stories that I find sympathetic and feel sorry for.<br />
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Darth Vader has always been one of my favorite fictional villains.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TTGIRM-iZzw/U4wwfusrD7I/AAAAAAAACFA/0ZNpwroPJ9s/s1600/Darth+Vader+empire.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TTGIRM-iZzw/U4wwfusrD7I/AAAAAAAACFA/0ZNpwroPJ9s/s1600/Darth+Vader+empire.png" height="170" width="400" /> </a></div>
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I remember the first time I ever saw Darth Vader. As a six year old child I watched as he made his entrance about four and a half minutes into the movie, <i>Star Wars</i>. He came through the smoke looking menacing and giant.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6WSTFAweKC8/U4wzzmg5h9I/AAAAAAAACFI/ja5EHU5xQ2Y/s1600/Darth+Vader+entrance.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6WSTFAweKC8/U4wzzmg5h9I/AAAAAAAACFI/ja5EHU5xQ2Y/s1600/Darth+Vader+entrance.jpg" height="235" width="320" /></a></div>
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I remember being so enthralled with him. He seemed so mysterious and powerful. He actually has only about 12 minutes of screen time in the first movie, yet he left a very lasting impression on me. Not knowing there would be a sequel, I was initially shocked that the villain got away in the end, and I was curious what became of him.</div>
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In the second movie, <i>The Empire Strikes Back</i> (without a doubt, my favorite movie in the <i>Star Wars</i> series) the character was given more dimension. We got to see a brief look that underneath all that machinery there was a very mysteriously scarred human being.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OCUuI_vQNzw/U4w1MPdb3nI/AAAAAAAACFQ/olcgIlQmO6M/s1600/Darth+Vader+helmetless.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OCUuI_vQNzw/U4w1MPdb3nI/AAAAAAAACFQ/olcgIlQmO6M/s1600/Darth+Vader+helmetless.jpg" height="220" width="320" /></a></div>
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And then there's that famous moment when Darth Vader reveals to Luke Skywalker that he is, in fact, his father.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7-fU5D-R3CM/U4w2NJp45VI/AAAAAAAACFc/2D609_Pukqw/s1600/Darth+Vader+I+am+your+father.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7-fU5D-R3CM/U4w2NJp45VI/AAAAAAAACFc/2D609_Pukqw/s1600/Darth+Vader+I+am+your+father.jpg" height="200" width="320" /></a></div>
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As a nine year old kid, I couldn't believe it. I didn't want Luke to believe it. I thought it was a trick. It truly was an absolutely shocking moment in cinematic history...for me anyway.</div>
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But then something happens that made me go, "Hm, maybe Darth Vader is telling the truth" and actually made me feel a pang of sympathy for a villain. One of the last scenes in <i>The Empire Strikes Back</i> involves Darth Vader almost capturing Luke. His Star Destroyer has the Millennium Falcon in its clutches and is about to suck the crippled starship into its tractor beam. Luke is aboard - the prize Darth Vader has promised the Emperor (or has he only promised that because he wants some connection to his son?). This is what Vader has been hunting for for the majority of the film, the most important prize he can get. Keep in mind, too, this is a man who kills anyone who disappoints him or fails to get him what he wants. In <i>Star Wars</i> he kills Captain Antilles when he claims to know nothing about the stolen Death Star plans and kills the X-Wing fighters who attempt to destroy the Death Star and, of course, Obi-Wan Kenobi just to show who's the master now; in <i>Empire</i> he kills Admiral Ozzel for jumping out of light speed too quickly and thus foiling the surprise element of the attack on Hoth and he kills Captain Needa for letting the Millennium Falcon get away. So we fully expect him to kill Captain Piett when the Millennium Falcon gets away by jumping to hyperspace. After all, Piett has assured Vader that the hyperspace drive has been deactivated, and the thing Vader wants most of all, his son Luke, is on board. You can certainly tell that Piett is concerned that Vader's going to do him in just as he has with Piett's superiors.<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r-j_lSrCuMY/U4w_EnSHDRI/AAAAAAAACFs/3WYMJNwZI4I/s1600/Captain+Piett.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-r-j_lSrCuMY/U4w_EnSHDRI/AAAAAAAACFs/3WYMJNwZI4I/s1600/Captain+Piett.jpg" /></a></div>
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The rest of the crew looks concerned, too.</div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5bvD288waOM/U4xCN3OYqzI/AAAAAAAACF4/1iy8pkeKst0/s1600/Imperial+Crew.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5bvD288waOM/U4xCN3OYqzI/AAAAAAAACF4/1iy8pkeKst0/s1600/Imperial+Crew.jpg" height="160" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i>Not the correct screenshot, but this still captures the feeling.</i></div>
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But Vader does something surprising. Instead of getting all upset and force-choking the life out of someone, he takes a sad, kind of longing look out the window and slowly, pensively walks out without saying a word.</div>
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<i> </i></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aoHryXQVgPQ/U4xFiQuJ9JI/AAAAAAAACGE/1RC9o-dXsiQ/s1600/Vader+leaving.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-aoHryXQVgPQ/U4xFiQuJ9JI/AAAAAAAACGE/1RC9o-dXsiQ/s1600/Vader+leaving.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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<i> </i></div>
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Here is the full scene for your viewing pleasure (8:57 is about where the scene I'm referring to starts, although this whole segment is delightful):<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/IaWUsIOLDoE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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I think it's one of the most beautiful scenes in the movie, and it shows a human side of Vader that maybe we didn't recognize before. Even after my shock at nine, it is a scene that really affected me and on repeated viewings I am struck by both the beauty and simplicity of it.<br />
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And then in <i>Return of the Jedi </i>Luke believes there is still good in his father even though Darth Vader feels it's too late for him. But when finally faced between standing up to the man whose thumb he's been under all these years, Emperor Palpatine, and saving his son, Vader chooses to kill the Emperor and save Luke.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mJnrIQPVymE/U4xJLnyHcII/AAAAAAAACGU/cMec7-GHo8A/s1600/Vader+kills+Palpatine.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">.<img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mJnrIQPVymE/U4xJLnyHcII/AAAAAAAACGU/cMec7-GHo8A/s1600/Vader+kills+Palpatine.png" height="135" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4Er88NS-jrg/U4xJK4gjxNI/AAAAAAAACGQ/dGZh9x9mGrE/s1600/Palpatine+dies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4Er88NS-jrg/U4xJK4gjxNI/AAAAAAAACGQ/dGZh9x9mGrE/s1600/Palpatine+dies.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></div>
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In killing the Emperor, Vader actually sacrifices himself, and before he dies his last wish is to see Luke with his own human eyes.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vp89zQ2p9_o/U4xK1Jm0jnI/AAAAAAAACGg/EW-LsWId-9Q/s1600/Vader+no+mask.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-vp89zQ2p9_o/U4xK1Jm0jnI/AAAAAAAACGg/EW-LsWId-9Q/s1600/Vader+no+mask.jpg" height="137" width="320" /></a></div>
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Underneath the mask we see an old, scarred, somewhat pathetic looking man. This "monster" we've seen throughout the series is just a man. He tells Luke, "Now...go, my son. Leave me."<br />
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Luke answers, "No. You're coming with me. I'll not leave you here, I've got to save you."<br />
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Vader's response? "You already have, Luke. You were right. You were right about me."<br />
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I love that. I'm a strong believer in redemption. Now, if Vader were an actual person and not a fictional character, that doesn't mean I don't think he shouldn't pay for his sins or for the lives he's taken. But I do like the idea of a once bad man becoming good.<br />
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Luke's final act is to destroy the remnants of the evil that was Darth Vader<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Y1dqJHo_KU/U4xMmeXybkI/AAAAAAAACGo/BkY8WB-jNtU/s1600/Vader+burning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Y1dqJHo_KU/U4xMmeXybkI/AAAAAAAACGo/BkY8WB-jNtU/s1600/Vader+burning.jpg" height="160" width="320" /></a></div>
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and Anakin Skywalker, the man who once called himself Darth Vader, is redeemed.<br />
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Severus Snape has always been my favorite character in the <i>Harry Potter </i>series.<br />
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From the outset of the story, Severus Snape is antagonistic toward our hero, Harry Potter. He's mean, sarcastic, and treats Harry unjustly at times. And yet there are also instances where Snape saves Potter's life and protects him.</div>
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Snape is a very complicated and flawed character, and maybe that's why I love him so: what you see on the surface is not necessarily what is inside. </div>
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Actor/comedian Stephen Fry once said of Snape, "Most characters like Snape are hard to love but there is a sort of
ambiguity—you can’t quite decide—something sad about him—lonely and it’s
fascinating when you think he’s going to be the evil one..., then
slowly you get this idea he’s not so bad after all."</div>
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Throughout the books, although Snape often did things that upset or confused me, I always sensed that he was good, one of the reasons being that Dumbledore always and unfailingly defended him, and I had to believe that Dumbledore knew something about about Snape that neither we, the readers, or Harry knew or understood.</div>
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Of course, when Snape kills Dumbledore at the end of <i>Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince</i>, you wonder if Snape killed Dumbledore maliciously or because Dumbledore asked him to. Even when he's fleeing Harry Potter, it's as if he's continuing to teach him.</div>
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Of course, up until the end of <i>Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows</i> Harry is convinced that Snape is the bad guy and holds much anger toward him. It was always my hope that Snape would turn out to be good, and I think I would have been hugely disappointed if he hadn't been.</div>
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We discover in the end, after Snape has been killed by the evil Voldemort, that Snape's bad behaviors were the result of a deep and unrequited love for Harry's mother, Lily as well as his jealously of Harry's father, James. We also see that perhaps the reasons Snape often treated Harry badly was because he reminded Snape too much of both Lily and James, and Snape's misplaced pain and anger were often taken out on Harry.</div>
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But we also discover that Snape's loyalty to Dumbledore towards fighting Voldemort was true and Snape put himself in a very dangerous position as a double-agent in order to defeat Voldemort, and it ultimately costs him his life.</div>
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It isn't until after Severus' death that Harry Potter realizes the truth about a man he once despised. Snape had asked Dumbledore never to reveal to Harry the feelings he had for Harry's mother.<br />
<br />
<i>"'...never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear...especially Potter's son...I want your word!'</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"'My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?' Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape's ferocious, anguished face. 'If you insist...'"</i><br />
<br />
I must admit I got teary-eyed when I read of Severus Snape's true nature. <br />
<br />
Harry eventually goes on to name his second son, Albus Severus, after Dumbledore and Snape. When Albus expresses fear that he might be put in the house of Slytherin, Harry reassures him.<br />
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<i>"'What if I'm in Slytherin?'</i><br />
<i> </i> <br />
<i>"The whisper was for his father alone, and Harry knew that only the moment of departure could have forced Albus to reveal how great and sincere that fear was.</i><br />
<br />
<i>"Harry crouched down so that Albus's face was slightly above his own. Alone of Harry's three children, Albus had inherited Lily's eyes.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<i>"'Albus Severus</i>,' <i>Harry said quietly, so that nobody but Ginny could hear, and she was tactful enough to pretend to be waving to Rose, who was now on the train, 'you were named for two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew."</i><br />
<br />
Again, I love the theme of redemption; of seeing someone you thought was evil being shown to have goodness in them.<br />
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Another of my favorite "villains" is the character of Benjamin Linus in "Lost."<br />
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Ben is manipulative and a liar. He's also power-hungry. He sees John Locke as a threat to his power and eventually kills him. He sees himself as the protector of the island and does whatever it takes to maintain that position. He kills his own father and risks his daughter, Alex's life to save his own skin. Yet it's when Alex is killed that I think Ben makes a turning point. He plays with her life, just as he has with others during the course of the series, and when his bluff is called and Alex is killed, I think he is genuinely shocked and remorseful.<br />
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Unfortunately, he later takes his anger out on Jacob and kills him as well, partially because he was always taking orders from him but never heard his voice, never felt special.<br />
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In flashbacks we see Ben as an unloved, abused boy. His alcoholic father blames him for his mother's death and mentally and emotionally abuses Ben. Ben just wants to belong and he finds that in the "Others." Unfortunately, Ben, I feel, is corrupted by the power he gains, and becomes so attached to it that when he loses it, he does harmful things.<br />
<br />
I think it's this scene towards the end of the series where Ben faces up to who he really is. He is given a choice to follow the evil Man in Black disguised as Locke. As he escapes to do just that, he confronts Ilana, who cared a great deal for Jacob, the man Ben killed in anger. <br />
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I think this scene is one of the most touching in the series and gives Ben a great humanity and a chance to atone for his sins. He eventually does and becomes second-in-command of the island, which is a better position for him. In the afterlife, Ben must steal wrestle with his demons, but I would like to believe he was redeemed.<br />
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Another favorite "villain" of mine is found in the Bible: Mr. Pontius Pilate. How does one find sympathy for the man who authorized the crucifixion of Jesus Christ? I don't know, but I do. I feel sorry for the guy. Maybe that's not a popular position, but I always feel bad for him. He's put in this impossible position. His wife warns him she had a dream that Pilate shouldn't even deal with the innocent Jesus. He's being pressured by the Sanhedrin to crucify Jesus. Pilate can't even find fault with Jesus. He tries to get out of it by giving the people a choice between Barabbas, a notorious murderer, and Jesus, thinking the people will choose an innocent man over a murderer. But that ploy doesn't work, and the crowd screams for Jesus' death.<br />
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I tend to think Pilate had Jesus scourged because maybe he hoped the crowds would feel sorry for Jesus. That didn't work either.<br />
<br />
Although the priests urged Pilate to do so, I also think Pilate refused to change the sign that said "Jesus of Nazareth, the King of the Jews" because he didn't like being their scapegoat. He even literally tries to wash his hands of the whole affair. Others may see him solely as the villain, but my heart feels for him.<br />
<br />
I even have some sympathy for Judas. I think Judas made a very stupid mistake. He got caught up in his own ego and his own doubts. He made a careless and devastating trade of the Son of God for thirty pieces of silver. But I also think once he did so and once he saw the consequences of his actions, he did feel remorse. He futilely tried to go back on the deal and give back the silver to no avail. <br />
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<br />
And ultimately, I think his guilt over what he'd done is what drove him to commit suicide.<br />
<br />
I don't know if it's a weakness or a strength, but I often feel pity or sympathy towards people that others deem "monsters" or unforgivable. I think it's a strength, but I don't speak or write of it often because I'm afraid others will misconstrue my feelings. <br />
<br />
That isn't to say that I don't find the acts of some of these people reprehensible, but I always am trying to look at situations from that person's point-of-view or trying to figure out what it might be like to be in their shoes. I don't always succeed. For example, I look at someone like Charles Manson, and he just seems crazy and demonic to me. I don't get him. But that doesn't mean I'm not curious about the circumstances that caused him to be who he has become.<br />
<br />
I wonder, too, why someone like Adolph Hitler or Osama bin Laden turned out the way they did. I don't believe monsters are born; I believe they are created. I am always curious why. What choices or circumstances could have altered their path towards evil.<br />
<br />
This guy<br />
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<br />
<br />
was once this individual<br />
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<br />
and the guy on the left became the guy on the right.<br />
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What happened? I'm always curious.<br />
<br />
I have a confession to make. The first time I saw this photo of James Holmes, the shooter who killed 12 people in a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado<br />
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I actually felt pity. To me, he looked tired, confused, and crazy. Now, again, don't misconstrue my feelings. This certainly doesn't mean that I think he was in any way justified in murdering 12 innocent people and injuring others. Nor does it mean that I don't feel he should pay for his crimes. I'm simply stating a feeling I felt upon seeing his image, and I do not apologize for that.<br />
<br />
He's likely mentally ill. I would imagine he has parents who love him and are confused by his behavior. Tragedies like this don't just affect the victims he killed and their families but his own family as well. People may think of him as a monster, but to me, he's still a human being.<br />
<br />
I don't think this guy<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KN_VghqGOxE/U5TgM2u1LSI/AAAAAAAACJY/4rT9-IkRj34/s1600/James+Holmes+before.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KN_VghqGOxE/U5TgM2u1LSI/AAAAAAAACJY/4rT9-IkRj34/s1600/James+Holmes+before.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
or this guy<br />
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
are the same person as the guy above them, and I have to wonder how he became a person that would so callously murder a bunch of people who's only aim that night was to see the newest <i>Batman</i> movie.<br />
<br />
Jesus said love everyone, not just the ones who are easy to love.<br />
<br />
<i><span class="text Matt-5-43" id="en-KJV-23278">"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy</span></i> <br />
<br />
<i><span class="text Matt-5-44" id="en-KJV-23279"><sup>"</sup>But
I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good
to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and
persecute you;</span></i><br />
<i> </i><i><span class="text Matt-5-45" id="en-KJV-23280"><sup>"</sup>That
ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh
his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the
just and on the unjust.</span></i><br />
<i> </i><i><span class="text Matt-5-46" id="en-KJV-23281"><sup>"</sup>For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?</span></i><br />
<i> </i><i><span class="text Matt-5-47" id="en-KJV-23282"><sup>"</sup>And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?</span></i><br />
<i> </i><i><span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"><sup>"</sup>Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."</span></i><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">(Matthew 5:43-48)</span><i><span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"> </span></i><br />
<i><span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"><br /></span></i>
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">In no way do I claim it is easy to love people who do unlovable things or to have sympathy for those that seem to spread a gospel of hate and evil. There have been many people whom I've had a hard time trying to get into their shoes. But I try. I try to look past the supposed monsters and villains and find some humanity in them.</span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"><br /></span>
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">A friend and I were talking the other day about the movie <i>Captain Phillips</i>. He was saying that while he was watching the movie he hoped that the director wouldn't try to make you feel sympathetic towards the Somali pirates because he had no sympathy for them. And while I was watching the movie I did feel sympathy for them just as I felt sympathy for Captain Phillips and his crew.</span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"><br /></span>
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<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"></span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">Based on the movie, it seems Captain Phillips did, too. The man who had most reason to not sympathize with them showed sympathy. Again, this doesn't excuse the danger or illegality the pirates perpetrated, but I liked that the movie didn't just paint the pirates in black-and-white terms of "they're bad, period."</span><br />
<br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">I think of my friend who I wrote about <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2011/12/ugh-or-friend-whos-going-away-for-long.html" target="_blank">here</a> who people called a monster without knowing him as a person, who hoped he rotted in jail for the rest of his life. Or I think of my <a href="http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2007/08/his-luck-just-ran-out-lessons-from.html" target="_blank">friend</a> who killed a man because of his selfish act of driving while intoxicated. The victim's family could easily see my friend as a heartless monster if they so choose, and that would even be understandable, but I don't see my friend that way because I know and love him.</span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"><br /></span>
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">There was a great article on forgiveness in <i>Reader's Digest</i> by Desmond Tutu. You can read it <a href="http://www.rd.com/true-stories/inspiring/desmond-tutu-forgive/" target="_blank">here</a>.</span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"><br /></span>
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">Nelson Mandela forgave his jailers. Pope John Paul II forgave the man who shot him. And here are some examples of people who may have been justified in holding grudges or failing to see past others' mistakes or vindictive deeds: <a href="http://listverse.com/2013/10/31/10-extraordinary-examples-of-forgiveness/" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://www.catherineblountfdn.org/rsof.htm" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://www.faithstreet.com/onfaith/2010/06/11/forgiving-my-daughters-killer/8019" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://www.thecrimereport.org/news/inside-criminal-justice/2012-09-forgiving-a-murderer" target="_blank">here</a>, <a href="http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/money/56765440-79/texting-driving-shaw-dell.html.csp" target="_blank">here</a>, and there are countless others to be found if you look for them.</span><br />
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283"><br /></span>
<span class="text Matt-5-48" id="en-KJV-23283">Jesus, while suffering on the cross, forgave those who nailed him to it.<br /><br />I guess my point is this: there are some people in life who do terrible, seemingly unforgivable things. Some of those people have no remorse. Others do. My job as a human being is to love and try to find the good in every creature I come across. Sometimes it's easy; sometimes it is so very difficult. But we are all a part of the human family, and I will do my very best to look for good and let God do the the ultimate judging of my fellow brothers and sisters.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23563380.post-26404733745125844252014-05-19T01:39:00.001-07:002014-05-19T01:39:02.892-07:00Indiana: Vacation Of My Dreams...NOT!Never once in my life have I ever said to myself, "You know where I'd really like to go? Ft. Wayne, Indiana." Yet that's exactly what I'm doing in about three weeks.<br />
<br />
About two months ago, Jonah's sister (not his biological sister, but she was pretty much raised by Jonah's parents when her real mother abandoned her) asked Jonah's mom if she would come to Indiana (where Jonah's sister lives) for her daughter's graduation. Jonah's mom doesn't travel much because of her health nor does she have the finances to make such a trip, but she did express interest in going. Jonah knew the only way she would go is if he went and he wanted me along for moral support. Jonah's sister paid for Mom's ticket, and Jonah and I paid for our own.<br />
<br />
Believe me, the last thing I want to do is take this trip. Besides not being remotely interested in visiting Fort Wayne, I find Jonah's sister extreeeeeemely high maintenance. She is super needy, oversensitive, creates drama wherever she goes, and has no tact or sense of decorum whatsoever. She is exhausting to spend time with. Were it not for my love for my husband, I would not be making this trip. And were it not for the love of his mother, I don't think Jonah would, either. I actually get the feeling Jonah's mom would like to back out at this point, too, but the tickets are nonrefundable. <br />
<br />
We're going to be there for four days, and I'm already exhausted by the idea. I think it's going to be a very long four days.<br />
<br />
Besides trying to convince Jonah's mother, who is quite a proud woman, that she will need a wheelchair to get around the airport, we will have to deal with Jonah's high-maintenance sister and her family.<br />
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She had the nerve to ask us to help pay for her groceries while we're there. This is the same woman who demanded we feed her when she was staying with us when Jonah's dad's funeral was happening. Never mind that we've each spent $500 to fly to Indiana and still have a hotel and rental car to pay for. She also is expecting Jonah's mom to cook for a party which she has invited 150 people to even though we have specifically told her that Mom is in no condition to do so (not to mention the fact that Mom doesn't want to cook while she is on vacation).<br />
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She is also hurt we're staying in a hotel rather than with her. Never mind that she lives in a small apartment and that Mom can't do steps (plus we don't want to stay with her while we're there).<br /><br />I think she is expecting us to be visiting with her a lot, but that is not our plan. We'll be at the graduation and the party and even bring a platter of some sort, but we also just want Mom to have a little trip that is stress free, and Jonah's sister can cause a lot of stress.<br />
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Now Jonah's mom is trying to back out because Jonah's sister is driving her crazy. Jonah is trying to remind her that this is about her grandchild, not her daughter. If Mom backs out, I'm going to lose it.<br />
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So not looking forward to this trip. I think I'd rather get a root canal.Gay LDS Actorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17841236084753512311noreply@blogger.com5