Introductions

Well, after reading so many interesting blogs lately, I thought I'd add my thoughts to the mix. I don't know that I have anything to say that will be of any interest to anyone else, but right now I guess this blog is mainly for me anyway. Just to sort out my thoughts.

So I guess I ought to introduce myself. My blogging name is Gay LDS Actor, but I'm not sure that's really what I want people to call me. After all, those are just labels that describe my background and interests. Just call me Cody (it's not my real name, but it will do for now). I'm 34 years old. I was born and raised LDS (Mormon) and as of this writing I still remain active in the LDS Church (although I will admit I am less active than I have been in the past). I also consider myself to be gay, although I have been in relationships with women. I have been engaged once and have also had a serious relationship with another woman in my lifetime. I have never acted on my homosexual feelings primarily because I have a testimony of the truthfulness of the LDS Church, and my religion forbids such a relationship. Nonetheless, I have struggled with feelings of homosexuality for most of my life and in the last year have become close friends with an openly gay man who admitted his attraction to me. I never told him that I had similar feelings for him because I wasn't sure that was where I wanted to go with my life. Yet as our friendship has deepened over this past year and as I have found myself disillusioned with the fact that my religion doesn't seem to be fulfilling my needs in many ways, I wonder what my next step in life needs to be. I strongly believe my religion is true, but I am also tired of suppressing feelings I really feel and trying to fit into the "Mormon box," which I've never felt like I fit in. I do love my religion very much and would say that some of best values came from my religion and the way I was brought up. But I would also say that some of my best values come from the fact that I have dealt with homosexual feelings (or same-sex attraction, as my church calls it) all my life. I honestly want to do what is right and wish to do what I believe will bring me happiness and I do not wish to do anything that I feel would hurt God or my family. So I feel I'm at a crossroads in my life and am not really sure what the future holds for me. I'm not necessarily looking for advice; I just want a place to freely express myself.

Everyone in my family knows of my issues as does my bishop (who is truly a great man) and several friends. I have told my mom and sister recently that I don't know what choices I will be making in regards to this in the near future. Obviously, I think both want me to stay true to my faith, but both also want me to be happy and realize that if leaving the Church and embarking on a relationship with my friend (who we'll call Jonah) is what I feel I need to do, they've made it clear that they will still love me no matter what I do. I just really have to decide for myself if that's what I want to do. I've made no decisions yet, though I do pray about it constantly.

Currently I am a student at a university majoring in Theatre-Performance. I have been acting since the third grade and have been acting professionally since 1995. I love my job and have been afforded many blessings and opportunities because of it. I plan on writing more, but I thought I'd just start off with this introduction.