Monday, September 25, 2006

I'm So Tired

Nothing profound to say or anything necessarily new to report. Just want you all to know that I'm still alive and around (not that there are necessarily that many people who even read my blog (but those that do, I'm alive and well!)).

School is so incredibly busy right now, and I have been really tired lately. I feel like all I do lately is school and trying to catch a nap here and there. I barely have time to breathe. Still, I love school, and, of course, I did expect my final year to be very busy. I'm hoping once The Laramie Project closes next week, life will be a little more calm.

Speaking of which, we opened the show this past Friday, and I'm very happy with the final product. I think we have a good cast and a good show, and audiences seem to be responding well to it. I don't think it's necessarily the best written show in the world, but it's been a very good and positive experience in many ways and even spiritual on many levels. I also think it no coincidence that I happen to be doing this particular show at this particular stage in my life. It's also been fun character work and delightful to work with some actors I don't often get the chance to work with.

My mom and sister came to see it opening night and Jonah sat between them. I find it very nice that my family and Jonah seem to be hitting it off well. And for them to be seeing a play together that discusses some of my own issues is particularly interesting to me. Mom and my sister liked the show, so that's nice.

As for me and Jonah, we are doing well. We still don't get to see each other as often as we would necessarily like, but we communicate often and are doing the best we can under the circumstances. I am hoping once Laramie closes, we will be able to spend at least a little more time together before my next show starts rehearsing in November.

I've told some more people about Jonah and me, and I have just been so impressed with how well people have reacted and responded. Everyone thus far has been really supportive and understanding and, in most cases, very happy about it. I told one friend who I didn't know how she would respond, and she started crying because she was so overjoyed about it. Another friend who is Mormon (who I also didn't know for sure how he would respond) made it perfectly clear that he was very happy for me and that this new revelation wouldn't have any impact on our friendship.

There's always been a part of me who thought (not really, but I'm trying to make a point) that my world would somehow implode once I came out. Just the reverse is happening. I'm becoming a new person, I feel happier, people are happy for me, and life is going on just as it always has.

Still, I know eventually I will tell someone I care about who will not handle it so well, but as I've already discussed with many friends, at the end of the day that's their problem, not mine. Still, I imagine it will be painful. I'm just glad it hasn't happened yet.

As part of one of my courses, I had to teach my peers a method we've been learning the past two years. I was nervous when I first heard we had to do it because I've never felt terribly confident about my own expertise with this particular technique. However, I wasn't nervous at all today, and I thought I taught it very well. My instructor and peers all had very good things to say.

My schooling has brought so much growth to me in so many ways. I feel so blessed lately. Anyway, that being said, I am exhausted, so I'm off to bed now.

3 comments:

Scot said...

There's always been a part of me who thought (not really, but I'm trying to make a point) that my world would somehow implode once I came out. Just the reverse is happening.

Doesn’t it make you regret procrastinating at all? If I could only have that year back… :-)

Still, I know eventually I will tell someone I care about who will not handle it so well, but as I've already discussed with many friends, at the end of the day that's their problem, not mine. Still, I imagine it will be painful. I'm just glad it hasn't happened yet.

Yeah, it’ll hurt if it happens. And then they’ll get bored of feeling offended, and time will soften their heart. They’ll see you’re the same good guy, and realize they can’t loose you for the sex of the person you love (maybe even realize they want Jonah in their life too), and, maybe, in a couple months deny ever having a problem in the first place :-). I’ve seen it happen too often to not expect the pattern.

In my experience it was reflexive to want resolution in a conflict regarding my orientation right away, but time was the only solution. It’s the impatient that seem to end up losing the most family; I lost a friend that way.

Gay LDS Actor said...

Actually, Scot, I don't regret any of the time I've spent in the closet. I believe now was the right time to come out, and I also take note of the fact that if I had come out eariler in life, I may not have had the experiences I've had up to this point in my life and, therefore, may not have met Jonah...at least no under the same circumstances. Life is what it is, and I am grateful for the experiences I have. I have few regrets.

Thanks for the words of encouragement. They are greatly appreciated.

Chris said...

Life is what it is, and I am grateful for the experiences I have. I have few regrets.

I think this is a great and very healthy way to look at life.