I just want so many of you out there in blogland to know how much I admire each of you. I admire each of you for trying your best to do what you feel is best for you. I read many of your blogs, and I am moved by each of your stories in different ways. There are never any easy answers in life, and I just am filled with admiration for people having the courage to do what they feel they must.
I admire people like Beck and Elbow and John Galt and Kengo Biddles and Loyalist (with Defects) who are trying to make their marriages work and stay true to those covenants in spite of great challenges. I admire people like -l- and Master Fob and Santorio who seem to be succeeding at marriage in spite of their homosexual attractions. I admire people like Dave and Pinetree and Attempting the Path and El Veneno who seem to be active in the LDS Church and are trying to live their lives according to their testimonies in spite of great challenges. I admire people like Foxx and Chris (Hurricane) who felt they needed to make other choices in life to be happy and for pursuing love where they were previously told they shouldn't look (I suppose I'm in this category myself). I admire people like Scot and Hawaii Dave for finding and succeeding in their relationships and being a good example of what a gay relationship can be. I admire people like DCTwistedLife and Peculiar Mormon who continue to hang on even when things seem hopeless. There are so many others whoise stories I read that I admire. What I admire most about so many of you is that we all seem to be part of a bizarre network or family of people with a common starting place and even if we may not always agree on certain issues or always see eye to eye, there is a spirit of love and understanding and brotherhood without a lot of passing judgment on one another for the choices we may make. I like that. I don't think anyone can truly know what is right for another person. I think that needs to be up to that person and his Creator.
As for me, I find it ironic that I'm in such a happy, blessed place right now in spite of the fact that I'm living my life contrary to the way I was taught. I'm still the good person I've always been. My family is still my family. My friends are still my friends. My God is still my God, and I still have what I feel is a really good relationship with Him. I'm in love, I'm happy, I'm doing well, and I'm at peace. My life has not imploded as I somehow thought it would, and I feel so much less stress and repression in my life. I feel like I'm finally allowed to be the person I've always felt I was.
And, yet, ironically, I still very much believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is God's true church on earth. I don't think I'll ever be able to deny that (nor do I think I'd want to). But somehow all seems right regardless of the fact that I'm inactive in my church and in a gay relationship. Again, no one can fully know what is right for someone else, and I admire all of you for taking the roads you feel you must take at this time in your lives. I only know that this is the right path for me right now, and I'm happy to be on it.