Thursday, March 20, 2008

Where Have You Been, Cody-Boy, Cody-Boy?

Where have I been, you might ask. Well, I'm still here; I just don't write as much as I once did. When I started this blog, it was a way to work out my feelings. Now that I feel more well-adjusted with my sexuality and religion, I just haven't felt the need to write. Also, I'm lazy.

Jonah and I are still together and doing very well. We're, unfortunately, apart due to our job situations, but we make time to see each other when we are able, and we talk at least every other day, if not more, so things are going as well as they can. Still not married yet, but we're working on it.

As for my last post, I quit my job at Bath and Body Works (finally!) and have no intention of going back. It was time.

I'm been working at several local theaters during these last few months, and I've even done a local television commercial and a short film, so I've been able to keep busy doing what I enjoy.

Sadly, I'm unemployed right now (although I do substitute teach to earn some money), and, unfortunately, a couple of auditions I've gone on have not led to summer work as I hoped they would. I have another audition coming up for summer work and two more for seasonal jobs, so hopefully something will come my way. Being an actor is all I know how to do, unfortunately, and provides me great fulfillment when I'm doing it, so I hope to find something soon. If not, I'll have to find a regular job, which is proving to be challenging at the moment.

In other news, I see on AOL that President Bush has his lowest approval rating ever. Not a surprise. In my esteem, he is the worst president I have ever known in my lifetime, and I would be willing to speculate that he will go in history as being among the ten worst presidents, period. I think this country has gone down the toilet in so many ways since he took the reins. I will be grateful when he and his administration are gone.

I don’t particularly want John McCain to win the presidency (after all, I am a Democrat), but even if he did, I believe he would be better than Bush. I am especially excited about Clinton and Obama. I genuinely like both of them. Either one is a good candidate, in my esteem, and whoever comes out on top will certainly make history. I have been greatly energized by these election proceedings, and I feel great pride in my heart that one of these two could possibly lead our country. The country is due for a positive change, and I think these two can help bring it. For the first time in quite some time, I don’t feel like the election is about the lesser of two evils, but about candidates I really believe in. That’s so refreshing.

Our own legislature passed several laws recently, including, to my surprise, a domestic partnership registry that could prove beneficial to gay and lesbian couples. Chris Buttars (who is notoriously homophobic and even racist, I would speculate) tried to shoot it down along with Gayle Ruzicka, but he lost steam when he made a seemingly racist remark. I don’t think he meant it that way, but he has such a history of bigotry that it was taken that way, and so much scrutiny was spent on him that his fight lost support. Either way, I didn't care because it put so much attention on him that the fight against the bill lost its momentum. I'm not a big fan of Chris Buttars. I think he comes off as very ignorant, self-righteous, and bigoted. Hopefully, his actions will cause him not to be re-elected to the state senate.

Another senator from Oklahoma, Sally Kern, recently made some extremely ignorant comments about homosexuals, saying that homosexuality was an even more pressing danger than terrorism and that homosexuals were out to indoctrinate two year-olds and that societies fall because of homosexuality. Ellen Degeneres talked about it on her show. I am constantly surprised that there are still people out there who are so delusional when it comes to what it means to be gay. I find it very disheartening. I'm not saying people need to support homosexual behavior if they disagree with it, but there just seems to be so much ignorance out there regarding the issue. I wish people could see gay people as people. They might not agree with what makes us different than them, but I wish they could just see that our feelings are often based in love.

My sister-in-law asked me the other day why people have such a problem with gay marriage. I thought that was particularly enlightened coming from someone who is pretty conservative. I told her I didn’t know. Sally Kern says it would bring about the downfall of society as we know it. I wish people could just see that it’s based in love.

I hope I’m doing the right thing in acting on my gay feelings. I honestly feel like I have little choice. The LDS Church’s official position on the matter is that they don’t know what causes homosexuality, they think it’s very likely that it isn’t a conscious choice, that it may never be changed in this lifetime, that marriage is not a way to cure it, and yet they also say it isn’t good for man to be alone, but that people like me can’t act on our homosexual attractions. Sorry, I just find that unreasonable. I’m not blaming the Church. Its leaders are simply following the counsel of God as they know it. But I just don’t feel the issue is as black and white as it seems, and I believe God will show mercy to people such as me. I hope so, anyway. I’m honestly trying to do the best I can, and I am absolutely happier than I was before I embraced my homosexuality. That has to mean something. Shouldn’t I feel guilt or torment or misery if I’m making the wrong choice? On the contrary, I feel so much happier, well-adjusted, and at peace than I ever did before. I have a great partner, and we make each other happy. There is great good in our relationship, and goodness comes from God. The fruits we bear are good. I just can’t believe I’m going to hell for this. I just can’t. That would be unjust and God is not an unjust God.

One final note: Gordon B. Hinckley died since I last wrote. It was a surprise to me when it happened, but he had lived a good, long life. I was just grateful he could be reunited with his wife again. He was a great man, and I have a great love and respect for him. Thomas S. Monson is the President of the Church now. I like him, too. It will be interesting to see what his legacy will be.


[kɹeɪ̯g̊] said...

Do you live in Salt Lake? I substitute teach in Salt Lake.

When I read that poll about Bushie, it made me happy. Hopefully the disgust of Bush will translate to more votes for whoever ends up being the democrat candidate.

As for your thoughts about the church, you're probably nicer to the church than I would be, but I agree with you one one thing. If pursuing a gay relationship were wrong, then why don't we feel guilty about it? Why when I pray about it does God "speak peace to my soul"? For that and so many other reasons, I have decided that God in fact approves and supports my decision (and yours).

Kengo Biddles said...

I think Buttars is a closet case. I think he and Gayle need to disappear, and I really, _REALLY_ hope that he gets ousted this next election.

Gay LDS Actor said...

I live (and substitute teach) in the Salt Lake area, yes.

I have to be nice to the church. I still (ironically) have a testimony of it, and the fact is the church has been mostly a force of good in my life. I owe it a lot.

I hope Buttars gets ousted, too. And I would love Gayle to vanish just as well. Fat chance of that!