Thursday, April 08, 2010

A World Without Gay

I was pondering recently what our world would be like if the homosexuals or bisexuals who have inhabited it throughout history had never existed. Being from the arts, many of my conclusions come out of that field.

No Rock Hudson/Doris Day movies. Rock was gay.
You like the music of Savage Garden, Queen, Wham!, REM, *NSYNC, Erasure, David Bowie, Melissa Etheridge, Rufus Wainwright, and Green Day? Sorry, Darren Hayes, Freddy Mercury, George Michael, Michael Stipe, Lance Bass, Melissa Etheridge, Rufus Wainwright and Andy Bell are all gay. Billie Joe Armstrong and David Bowie classify themselves as bisexual.
Do you like the plays Our Town, The Glass Menagerie, A Streetcar Named Desire, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, The Importance of Being Earnest, Breakfast at Tiffanys, Bus Stop, Master Class, and The Dark at the Top of the Stairs? Sorry. Their authors were all gay.
Oh, and by the way, if you like the musicals Wicked, West Side Story, Fiddler on the Roof, Hairspray, On the Town, Hello, Dolly, Mame, Anything Goes, Kiss Me, Kate, Pippin, Godspell, Into the Woods, Sweeney Todd, Gypsy, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, Sunday in the Park with George, A Chorus Line, Cabaret, Nine, Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, The Light in the Piazza, Ragtime, and Miss Saigon (among others), all were either composed, directed, written, choreographed, or produced by homosexuals.
Do you like the songs "Night and Day," "My Funny Valentine," "I Get a Kick Out of You," "La Vida Loca," "West End Girls," "You Do Something to Me," "I've Got You Under My Skin," "You're the Top," "I Love Paris," "The Lady is a Tramp," "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered," "Blue Moon," "Isn't It Romantic?" "Send in the Clowns," "Candle in the Wind," "Crocodile Rock," "I Honestly Love You," "Don't Cry Out Loud," "Adagio for Strings," "Fanfare for the Common Man," "Appalachian Spring," "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?," "Karma Chameleon," "It's My Party," "You Don't Own Me," "At Seventeen," and "I Only Want to Be With You?" All are songs that either include music or lyrics by a gay person or were made famous by someone who was gay.
Do you like the songs of Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, Pocohantas, The Prince of Egypt, and Little Shop of Horrors? Music or lyrics by gay people.
Do you enjoy the ballets The Nutcracker, Romeo and Juliet, and Swan Lake? Too bad. Tchaikovsky was gay.
Do you like the voices of Johnny Mathis, Adam Lambert, and Clay Aiken? Gay.
Did you like the characters of Mike Brady on "The Brady Bunch," Niles and Bulldog on "Frasier," the second Darren on "Bewitched," Sulu on "Star Trek," Mel Cooley on "The Dick Van Dyke Show," Jonathan on "Who's the Boss," David Witherspoon on "Our House," Matthew Cooper on "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman," Major Charles Winchester on "M*A*S*H," Darlene on "Roseanne," Lindsay in "Arrested Development," George on "Grey's Anatomy," Miranda on "Sex in the City," President Taylor on "24," Elyse Keaton on "Family Ties," Marcy on "Married with Children," Dr. Kildaire on "Dr. Kildaire," Rickie on "My So-Called Life," Doogie Howser on "Doogie Howser," Barney on "How I Met Your Mother," Jack on "Will and Grace," Matthew on "Newsradio," Richard on "Caroline in the City," Mitchell on "Modern Family," Sue Sylvester on "Glee," George Huang on "Law and Order:SVU," and Monroe on "Too Close for Comfort"? Sorry. All played by confirmed homosexuals or bisexuals. Raymond Burr, who played Perry Mason on "Perry Mason," was reputed to be gay as well.
Did you like Anthony Perkins' portrayal of Norman Bates in Psycho or Farley Granger's portrayal of Guy Haines in Strangers on a Train? How about Ian McKellan as Gandalf in Lord of the Rings or Lily Tomlin as Violet Newstead in 9 to 5? Sal Mineo as Plato in Rebel Without a Cause or Nathan Lane as the voice of Timon in The Lion King? How about David Ogden Stiers as Cogsworth in Beauty and the Beast? Denholm Elliott as Marcus in Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? Rupert Everett as George in My Best Friend's Wedding? Tommy Kirk as Travis Coates in Old Yeller and Wilby Daniels in The Shaggy Dog? Montgomery Clift in his roles in From Here to Eternity and A Place in the Sun? Kathy Najimy as Sister Mary Patrick in Sister Act? Kelly McGillis' roles in Witness and Top Gun? Tom Hulce as Mozart in Amadeus? All gay.
Do you like writings of Truman Capote, Walt Whitman, Lord Byron, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Noel Coward, Hans Christian Andersen, Langston Hughes, Marcel Proust, Clive Barker, David Sedaris, Arthur Rimbeaud, and Gertrude Stein? Gay.
Do you like the comedy stylings of Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen Degeneres, Margaret Cho, Bruce Vilanche, and Wanda Sykes? How about the Kids in the Hall Hall or Monty Python, both of which would have been incomplete without Scott Thompson and Graham Chapman (both of whom are/were gay).
Do you like the movies The Way We Were, A Room with a View, Remains of the Day, St. Elmo's Fire, The Lost Boys, Romeo and Juliet, The Champ, Good Will Hunting, Milk, Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer, School of Rock, Orange County, The Philadelphia Story, My Fair Lady, Adam's Rib, Sister Act, Regarding Henry, The Truman Show, Zoolander, 17 Again, A Walk to Remember, Chicago, Nine, Beetlejuice, and Interview with the Vampire? Produced, directed, or written by homosexuals.
Hey, are you wearing any clothes designed by Yves Saint Laurent, Christian Dior, or Gianni Versace? All gay. And a lot of the high-end fashion designs are by gay people.
Did you like Charles Nelson Reilly on "Match Game" or Rip Taylor on "The Gong Show?" or Paul Lynde on "Hollywood Squares?" Gay.
Have you ever "sweated to the oldies" with Richard Simmons or gotten nutritional advice from Susan Powter? Ever enjoyed the athleticism of Greg Louganis, Billie Jean King, Marina Navratilova, or Dave Kopay. Gay.
Ever gotten financial advice from Suze Orman? Gay.
Do you like the Beatles? Much of their success was due to their manager, Brian Epstein who was...you guessed it...gay.
Do you enjoy the potical commentary of Rachel Maddow? Do you feel politicians like Barney Frank and Harvey Milk have made important contributions? Gay. Lots of closeted gay politicians out there and lesser-known names who shape the laws of our nation, both good and bad.
Leonardo Da Vinci, Michaelangelo, Caravaggio, Socrates, Aristotle, and Alexander the Great are also reputed to be gay by some historians. Think what would have been lost in the world of philosophy and art and world domination if they hadn't existed.
And holy cow! Think of all the actors, dancers, singers, and performers on Broadway we would lose without homosexuals.

Anyway, just food for thought.

7 comments:

Wyatt said...

This is a BRILLIANT post!

Thanks for sharing :)

Joe Conflict said...

Though I am biased, the world would be so dull....

Captain Midnight said...

Very good list. The one problem I see with it is that a lot of the things listed on there are stuff that mostly only gays like. Haha. I don't think many straight guys would miss "Hello, Dolly." God knows I would though.

LDS Brother said...

Without Non-het's there wouldn't be any straight people...coz they wouldn't have us to compare themselves to. :)

Gay LDS Actor said...

True, Captain Midnight. But nonetheless... lol

Frank Lee Scarlet said...

Thanks for a great post -- my head actually feels like it's higher :)

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

I kept thinking "I can add one to this list" each time you changed a subject. Very good piece.

(In the case of writers... my favorite poet, Elizabeth Bishop).

I tend to think that we have more fun than most people.