Monday, June 03, 2013

Mom Has A Boyfriend

Sorry I haven't written in a while.  Life gets busy.

The sale of Mom's house is supposed to close tomorrow.  I wish selling and buying houses didn't have to be so complicated.  But really, Mom's house sold much faster than I expected.  We're getting $183,365 for it, which is about what we had hoped to get, so that's great.

I'm sad to see the house go.  Jonah and I were in Utah this past week doing a lot of legal and trust stuff for my mom.  Very stressful stuff.  Anyway, at one point we visited our friend who have lived across the street from Mom just a couple of weeks less than lived in her home.  They've literally been lifelong friends to me, but it sure was weird seeing someone else living in the place I've long considered home (we let them move in and pay rent before the house officially closes).  I'm actually going to send them a letter welcoming them to their new home.  I only hope their family loves living there as much as mine did.

It was good to see Mom, and her brother who she hasn't seen for about seven years came to visit.  I think it was hard for him to see her like she is; I'm used to it now.  It was really good to see him.

And yes, it looks like Mom has become very good friends with a male resident.  It all seems very innocent, although one of the nurses called him (Harold his name is) the "resident Casanova."  I'm glad Mom has a friend, and I think it's good for both of them, but part of me feels like an overprotective parent saying, "Who is this boy?  What are his intentions?"

Mom seems to be adjusting well to her new home.  She didn't even have time to talk to me today because they were going on some outing.  I called later and found out she and Harold had sat together.  I saw them holding hands the other day.  My older sister saw Harold give Mom a kiss.

The other day Harold and Mom were talking in her room until 9:00 PM, at which point Mom said she and Harold should retire to their separate rooms and go to bed.

Mom is making friends.  She has told me about Harold, of course, as well as Helene (who's losing it, apparently), Libby, and Myrna.

The staff says she's a delight to have.  She still regressing, but seems somewhat stable.  She's still able to develop new memories and hold on to them, which is a good phase to be in.  Eventually, that stops as does the ability to communicate and eventually, the ability to feed and toilet oneself.

I don't know when all that will happen.  I look at Mom nine years ago, for example, and there were no signs of dementia whatsoever.  Here we are nine years later, and her short term memory is completely shot, she has imaginary memories, and she's very confused.  But she at least seems happy, which I am grateful for.

My brother and sister-in-law tried to have her over for dinner last night, but she was agitated and very confused about things.  She wanted to go home.  When they took her back, she didn't recognize the assisted living facility at all.  My brother was a bit disturbed by it.

Yet today, without any coaxing from me, she was able to relay some of what she did last night, so stuff is still getting through.

She has forgotten her home of 51 years.  It's good.  It makes it easier on her and us.  But it is bizarre.

Jonah and I met with Mom's lawyer this week and we were a bit taken aback that he had charged us $4,500 for a service we thought was included in the flat fee we had originally been quoted.  It turns out it wasn't.  We expressed our displeasure and said that in the future communication about such matters must be better.  $4,500 may be chump change to the law firm, but that's a month and a half's worth of care for Mom.

I'll be glad when the house money is in the trust.  Then we know with that and the other money Mom has that her care can be paid for for 6 or 7 years by which time Medicaid will be covering some of that.

I'm not looking forward to tax time next year.  I'm in charge of getting all that done, and I think this first year, especially, will be a bit of a headache.

Jonah and I had a good time visiting my family.  I do hope the next time I'm in town it will be a little more relaxing.


Dean Scott said...

It sounds like the general trend is positive, which is nice. Best wishes going forward.

Miguel said...

Sounds like your mom is adapting to her new environment. I'm glad that things seem to be falling into place, even if some of it seems weird and out of place--it is just the evolution of all of your new lives!

Gay LDS Actor said...

Thanks, guys.