Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Future

I've been feeling somewhat nostalgic lately. I just finished my second year of the three year MFA program, and it dawned on me that in just a year from now I will be done with school and trying to figure out where to go from here. Some of my friends have graduated this year and many of us will be parting ways next year, and while part of me finds that exciting, there is, of course, another part of me that is both scared and sad. I love change, but, of course, it will be hard to say goodbye to friends and it will, of course, be both exciting and scary to figure out what I want to do next with my life. Of course, I still have a year before that actually happens, and no matter what, I know the future holds much promise. But the two years I've been here have already flown by very quickly, so I know that day will be here before I know it.

I think about my future with Jonah. As I stated recently, he just got a really good job which pays $1,000 a week. Jonah really wants to move out of his parents' house and get a house of his own, and while we haven't discussed it in great detail, I imagine living with him. The two of us continually get closer, and we have a lot of fun together. We've been to a lot of cultural events this week, and I've just really enjoyed spending time with him, especially since my school schedule and his work schedule haven't allowed as much of that this semester as we would like.

I still carry guilt with me from time to time and still catch myself wondering if I'm doing the right things in God's eyes, but I am managing as best I can. I'm just very grateful for this relationship and am very glad to be loved by someone so much and feel that Jonah feels the same way. I'm getting more comfortable at being "out of the closet." Most of my circle of friends doesn't know the extent of our relationship, though I know most of them suspect, but Jonah's friends all know, and we had lunch at his work yesterday, and while I was nervous meeting some of his friends for the first time, I thought I held my own pretty well.

School's finally over for the year, and I am very happy for a much needed break. I've been going nearly non-stop this whole year, and I'm pretty tired. I still don't know what I'm doing this summer as far as work is concerned, but I will be going back home to Utah tomorrow for at least two weeks just to visit my family. I miss them a lot. My mom is really eager to see me. I talk to her about Jonah a lot. I never refer to him as my boyfriends with her...at least not yet, but she knows the two of us are seeing each other, and I talk about him as much as possible to continue to get her used to the idea. As I said, she does like Jonah, so that's a good thing.

I'm eager to see family and friends back home. I haven't seen any of them since Christmas (except my mom, who came here to see my shows). My nieces and nephews are growing up without me, and I feel like I'm missing out.

My next show next fall will be The Laramie Project, which I thought was somewhat ironic given my situation. I'm excited for it because I get the chance to play five different characters, which is a nice challenge for an actor. One of the characters is Fred Phelps, a homophobic minister who I do not like one bit in real life. I think it will be great challenge to channel that kind of person. I think he's an absolute jerk in real life, and I'm a pretty nice guy, so I think it will be hard to find him in me. But I would imagine Fred Phelps, as delusional as I may think he is, probably imagines he's doing the right thing and thinks he's a good man, so maybe it won't be as hard to play him as I imagine. And I've played unlikable characters before. I just think the venom that spews from his mouth is horrible, so it will be hard to say those things and act like I believe them. I guess that's why they call it acting, huh?

Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say for now. Nothing particularly interesting, but that's all I got right now.

1 comment:

Powered By Lemons said...

The Laramie Project, eh? I've never personally seen the play, but I do own the film version and I personally find it to be a very compelling piece of work. The parts should be very challenging, so good luck to you on working out your performance. :-)