Here is an email I wrote to my friend, Gayle, and her response:
Hey Gayle,
I read your opinion piece recently in the Salt Lake Tribune, and I wanted you to know that I appreciated it very much. I've never told you this, but I actually deal with homosexual feelings myself, and although I have tried very hard to live my life according to the precepts of Mormonism, I find it increasingly difficult to do so as each year passes. The irony is that I still believe the Church is true; I am just wondering if maybe God has another path in mind for me right now.
These last two years while I've been away at college...have been very instrumental in my growth. I met a really great guy there who I love very much, and I am currently in the process of deciding whether to be with him permananently or whether I should stay true to my testimony of the LDS Church. As I'm sure you understand, there are no easy answers.
I have always, always appreciated your attitudes regarding this subject and have always loved how nonjudgmental you are about it. Of course, I know it is a subject close to your heart as it is to mine. It was refreshing and well expressed what you wrote for the Tribune. I truly appreciate it.
By the way, I have a blog I keep online (anonymously), and I reprinted your opinion piece (I hope that's okay). I don't know if you'd be remotely interested in reading any of my blog, but if you are, you can find it at http://gayldsactor.com.blogspot.com/
I'm still not fully out of the closet yet, so I would appreciate you keeping what I've told you confidential for now.
Thanks.
Love you and miss you
Cody
Oh, Cody, you made me cry! I'm so glad you read the op-ed piece and if it helped you in any way, then it's worth every hate letter I get! :) Actually, there has only been one negative response in the Letters to the Editor and one person mailed me a packet of material to convince me of the error of my ways. :) But we think the latter is from a woman who fell in love with my gay brother and never forgave him for not marrying her...because he is gay. Mind you, they were never a couple. She knew he was gay. Very strange. :)
I have had many, many positive responses. People in church on Sunday told me they appreciated the piece, agreed with me and thanked me for writing it. High profile, active LDS people in the community have called and expressed the same thing. People at work, all in agreement. And emails from strangers, families with gay members, who finally heard what they've been needing to hear for a long time. I am humbled and amazed at the response. One of my other brothers (I have a bunch of them) is the 2nd Councilor in his Stake Presidency in Rhode Island. When they received the "letter" from the First Presidency, he went to his Stake President and proffered his resignation, saying that he could not support the letter. His Stake President wouldn't let him resign, thank goodness.
As I tried to explain to my step-son, I have prayed for many, many hours about this. I have complete peace in my heart. I am not confused or struggling or in conflict. My patriarchal blessing claims I have the gift of discernment. I've relied on that gift my whole life. I don't understand why I should have such peace with my belief that homosexual relationships are not immoral. That position is so clearly in conflict with the church's position. And I'm guessing that there are church leaders who feel at peace with their belief that it is immoral. I don't know why we are getting different personal answers. Nevertheless, I can't deny that belief any more than I can deny my faith and belief in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. But I will some day meet my maker and I am not at all worried that my stands on homosexuality will even be discussed. I'll have to explain plenty of other things!, but not this.
I am so grateful for your friendship. It means so much to me. Thank you for writing to me and rest assured that I will keep your confidence. My best friend from high school came out of the closet about 16 years ago at the age of 35. Like you, he loves the church and the gospel. He served a mission in Guatemala. I'm going to direct him to your website. I'm sure he has insights that I can't even imagine. He has been in a committed relationship now for about 8 or 9 years, I think. He's an extraordinary pianist and I can't help but think what a loss it is to the church not to embrace and appreciate and love and accept so many like him and my brother.
Love you and miss you, too. Please stay in touch. Love, Gayle
These are the players in my life, all sharing the same stage.
2 comments:
It's so sad to read the justifications of people who choose not to follow the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is true that we all sin but to come out in open public disputing the Lord's prophet is rather incredulous. Reminds me of the lives of Korihor and Sherem.
Gayle, I'm sure that many more wrote in opposition to your op-ed piece. But since The Salt Lake Tribune is in agreement with your stance, and promotes it regularly, they aren't going to print too many who disagree, thus giving the illusion that no one disputes what you are saying. (just like I'm sure that my comments won't be posted here because I'm in disagreement)
I'm also curious to know what did your brother actually want to "resign" from? Their is no such thing as proferring a resignation for a calling or to have your name removed from the church records.
I guess the real question to each of you is, do you sustain Gordon B. Hinckley as the Lord's prophet, seer and revelator at this time on the earth? Right now, I'm not sure how you can answer yes to that question.
Let me encourage you to read all of Jacob 4 in the Book of Mormon, particularly versus 10 & 11.
It is true that we all have varying degress of faith throughout our lives. But in no way will we be exempt from returning and reporting on what we did during our lives and how faithful we are to living the commandments. (2 Nephi chapters 28 - 30)
I wish you well in your endeavors.
Scott
Scott,
I would never bar a comment from this blog simply because of varying opinions.
If you knew Gayle's spirit, I'm not sure you would be so judgmental. You have to understand that this has been quite a struggle for her just as my struggles are me. She is certainly nothing like what I imagine Korihor to be like.
I understand where your comments are coming from and that they are made in a spirit of concern, but it is also clear to me that because you've never walked a mile in my shoes or in Gayle's that you really don't understand our hearts.
There is no way you could fully feel what a gut-wrenching dilemma those of us who struggle with this issue go through unless you were to experience it yourself.
I believe the Church is true. I believe Gordon B. Hinckley is a living prophet. I know Gayle feels the same way. But, unfortunately, that doesn't make my decisions or Gayle's decisions easy or cut-and-dry. I know it seems that it should, but it doesn't. There's just so much that doesn't compute, and because I do have a testimony, I don't understand why.
What I do know is that Gayle is completely at peace with where she is right now, and even if that doesn't make sense according to official doctrine, I believe the Spirit has given her a personal revelation.
Fortunately for me, I know there is one person who understands my heart and Gayle's heart, and that is Jesus Christ, and fortunately I know that whatever wrongs I do in in this life, God and I will have to work that out together.
You're right: we will not "be exempt from returning and reporting on what we did during our lives and how faithful we are to living the commandments." But I take great comfort in the fact that that will be for me and the Lord to deal with.
In spite of our faults and shortcomings, I know that Gayle and I are both good people, and I know the Lord sees very clearly the intentions of our hearts and our good works.
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