Jonah was nominated for a costuming award by the local theatre community for a show he did. Because he was busy costuming another production, he was unable to attend the awards ceremony. I happened to be free that night, and Jonah and I both thought it would be a good idea if I went in his stead to represent him.
Jonah actually didn't think he would win, although I do think he secretly wanted to. I actually had a feeling he might and prayed that he would. Jonah is an incredibly talented costume designer, and even though I may be biased, he truly does have a gift. The theater company that did the production he was nominated for has not always been very good about showing their appreciation for his work. It is my opinion that the powers that be that operate this particular theater sometimes take Jonah for granted and even take advantage of him. Jonah has done a lot of work for them and has helped them out a lot, and sometimes I feel they don't give him either the recognition or thanks he deserves. In any case, part of me just wanted him to win the award because I thought it would be a nice symbol of the appreciation I think my guy deserves.
Jonah thought the night might be fun for me as well, a chance to hobnob with some of the local theatre community. When I worked in Utah, I was very in touch with the local theatre community. I worked as an actor a lot, and I developed a lot of friendships. I'd see the same people at parties, auditions, and jobs, and it was a great network of people to belong to.
Here, I'm not as active in the theatre community, and I don't know as many people. I also feel like the professional theatre community is not as strong as it was in Utah, but the community theatre network is doing some great stuff. In any case, I feel like a bit of an outsider even though I know a few people in the local theatre community. It's an odd feeling to be an outsider when not so long ago I felt like an insider.
The awards ceremony was enjoyable. I got to meet to some interesting and nice people and have a little more exposure to the theatre community here.
But I also felt a certain yearning to be back on stage again. I miss it.
At the same time, I love being home with Jonah. I love being home. Period. With my husband and our cats. I like having a steady, stable, relatively secure, enjoyable job at a company that has good benefits and treats me well. I like not having to live out of a suitcase. I like not having to constantly hustle for the next acting job.
But I miss doing plays. I miss the variety of playing different characters. I miss the theatre network I was a part of.
I like my current job. I really do. But I also am a little bored, which has always been a problem for me. I get bored too easily. I do the same job for a while, and I get bored.
Truth is, I would be foolish to give up the job I have. The hours are great, the pay is enough, the job at least relates somewhat to my chosen field of study, and most of the time it is enjoyable. And it's easy. So easy. For what I get paid, this job is a piece of cake. I still am acting, and I play a delightful character that I enjoy playing. But it's lost its newness, and I would love to do something more meaty. I wish I could just take six weeks off and do a play somewhere, but that's not really possible. I'll probably stay here until the show we're doing closes, which could be anywhere from three years to indefinitely.
The theatre company I worked for in Utah is doing some exciting stuff this coming season, stuff that I would have enjoyed doing and could probably have gotten cast in. I'm always interested in auditioning for the Utah Shakespeare as well. I'd love to do some more Shakespeare. Even though musicals were often my bread and butter, I'm not as interested in doing them as I once was, although once in a while one will come along that I'd love to be a part of. Truth is, my body just doesn't feel like doing choreography anymore, and I don't have as good of breath support as I once did. Musicals are harder work in some ways than straight plays, although straight plays can be exhausting, too. And maybe I've reached a period in my life when I just need to take it easy for a bit. If the show I'm involved in closes in the future, maybe I can go back to stage work again.
I have gotten a little more involved in film and TV lately and have even booked a couple of gigs, but I don't know if my strengths lie in TV and film work or not. In some ways it feels like I'm starting over again.
When I was at the awards ceremony, I was a little jealous that some of these theatre companies were doing some productions that are geared more to the type of theatre I am interested in doing. In fact, coincidentally, I had just read two of the plays that were up for nomination. Because I am a member of Actors' Equity Association and these companies are non-union, I couldn't do these shows anyway, but I still would love to do more serious theatre.
At the ceremony they had some performers from various shows around town do some musical numbers from different shows, and some of these people were quite talented, and it just made me miss being on stage.
Jonah's award was one of the first. His was the last name to be announced from the list of nominees, and when they announced him as the winner my chest practically burst with pride. I went up to accept the award on his behalf and almost cried I was so happy for my husband. I said a few short words about how I knew Jonah was so honored to be nominated and recognized for his work and I thanked those who voted for him.
After I sat down I texted Jonah to let him know he'd won. I really could tell he was proud of having won. He later sent a Facebook message to those in the theatre community to let them know how he felt.
A couple of my friends won awards, too, so that was nice. I had an enjoyable time, but it also felt lonely in a way. I can't really explain it.