Today I went to my niece's baby blessing (it is the first child for my sister and her husband). It was a really good meeting, and I felt the Spirit unusually strongly as she was being blessed. A thought came into my head that this child in particular was going to be really special. I thought it was interesting that my brother-in-law mentioned in the blessing that my niece be given the gift of compassion and sensitivity particularly in her relationship to those who might be different or disabled or have special needs. It was kind of out of the blue, but seemed oddly appropriate for some reason.
My only regret was that I was unable to join the circle in blessing my niece. Normally, stuff like that doesn't bother me much. I haven't particularly missed holding the priesthood or going to the temple or taking the sacrament. But today I did feel a little left out as I watched my brother and nephews and brothers-in-law take part in blessing my niece. I realize based on the decisions I have made in regard to my relationship with the LDS Church that those are the consequences, and I accept that. But it still made me a little sad.
My sister and brother-in-law both gave really nice testimonies. My sister is one of the best people I know. My brother-in-law is a bit of a goof, but I like him, and he's a good man. That baby is very lucky to have the parents she has.
Testimony meeting was very nice. I had a good day at church.
When Jonah and I got together, I made it clear that I didn't want kids, and he accepted that condition, although I know he would not be opposed to having them. I still don't really want kids. I feel like I'm getting too old, I'm too selfish, it would be too expensive, and I feel I would have to make some sacrifices I am not ready to make in order to be as good of a parent as I feel I would need to be. But I must admit that my new niece made me momentarily "baby-hungry." If I thought I had the energy, money, and ability to still do what I do career-wise and have a kid, I might consider it; but I just don't see it.
Still, there is a part of me that would like someone to carry on my name and memory or someone to pass on my legacy, whatever that might be or someone to be there for me when I'm old like I feel I am there now for my mom or someone who I can focus on so much I forget to be selfish.
I don't think a kid is in the cards, really, but I do have yearnings once in a while. Anyway, I love, love, love being an uncle...and sometimes I think that's much easier, much simpler, and more my style.