The Secret Lives Of Cats

Let me preface this post by saying that Jonah and I are weird.

Jonah and I have three cats, each with a very distinct personality. Our oldest, Trooper, is a nurturing, sensitive cat. She is maternal and needs and desires a lot of affection. She likes me a lot even though she was originally Jonah's cat. If she were a human being, I would say she would be our good child - studious, getting good grades, helping around the house, taking care of the the other two kids while we're out, dependable, etc.

Blondie is our second oldest (and Trooper's daughter). She is moody and sullen. She personifies the stereotypical middle child. She, too, needs attention, but tends to be a loner. It takes a lot to get Blondie to purr. She used to not like me, and I think she resented that anybody lived in the house besides her and Jonah, but she's mellowed and warmed up since I moved in. If she were human, she would be the rebellious child that stays holed up in her room listening to heavy metal music. She would break curfew and not do well in school. She would probably whine about how hard her life is (even though it isn't) and complain to us about how other parents let their kids do the things she wants to do.

Chaplin (or Chappy) is our youngest. She has boundless energy and seems to be afraid of nothing. She is a bit of a daredevil and always wants our attention, but never wants to be held. She's extremely curious and mischievous. She's always on-the-go. If she were human, she would be the young kid that's always yelling, "Dad, watch me do this! Dad, watch me!" She would constantly be getting into things and would be our hyperactive child.

Jonah and I play this game where we imagine our three cats have a nightclub act they do when we are away. As soon as we leave the house, they call all their cat friends and set up tables and a stage and perform cabaret numbers. We imagine that Trooper is the leader of the group, but that Blondie has secret machinations going on to figure out how to steal her spot or, even more daring, go solo.

We like to imagine the three of them singing "You Could Drive a Person Crazy" from Company. We imagine Blondie sitting backwards on a chair with a blue spot on her singing "Falling in Love Again" a la Marlene Dietrich or singing "And I Am Telling You" from Dreamgirls.

Trooper likes more traditional music while Chappy is trying to bring more edgy stuff into the act. Sometimes when we hear a particular song on the radio, we try to imagine which cat would sing it. Just yesterday we heard "I'm Almost Over You" by Sheena Easton (Blondie) and "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga (definitely Chappy).

This endlessly entertains us and we're always cracking up about it. I don't know why we think it's so funny.

And then, of course, we come home, and the cats are about their usual business, never suspecting that we know about their secret show business life.