Devastating

I'm a pretty trusting person. I tend to believe people at their word. If someone swears he or she is telling the truth, I tend to take him or her at face value. I'm an honest person, so I just naturally assume that everyone else is. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to think that people are basically good even when there are many that are not. Sometimes I get burned because of this trait.

I admit it; I gave OJ Simpson the benefit of the doubt right after his ex-wife was murdered. I gave Bill Clinton the benefit of the doubt when he said he absolutely did not have sexual relations with that woman. I just initially believe in the concept of "innocent until proven guilty." Of course, when I see a guy on a low-speed chase in a white Bronco or find out there's an intern out there with a semen-stained dress, then you've broken my trust and I'm looking at you with more suspicious eyes.

I remember wanting both OJ and Bill to be innocent, but ultimately the facts made it evident (to me) that they weren't. Bill finally admitted his guilt (sort of) and even though OJ never did, I just have a hard time believing his innocence.

My point is, I tend to think the best of people, and sometimes my naive belief that people are basically honest is tested greatly by those who aren't. Nevertheless, I do tend to still give people the benefit of the doubt no matter how many people betray that desire.

Which brings me to Josh Powell. Josh Powell, for those of you who don't know, was under suspicion for the disappearance of his wife, Susan Powell, who vanished in December of 2009 under very odd circumstances.

I remember seeing the interview Josh Powell did with 2News Utah after his wife was discovered missing. I remember thinking at the time, "This guy is lying. That is flimsiest story I've ever heard, and that guy is not behaving the way I would think a man whose wife has gone missing would behave." Me, the guy who almost always gives people the benefit of the doubt, immediately felt this guy was guilty.

Of course, I didn't know for sure that he was guilty, but his actions following his wife's disappearance seemed so out-of-character for an innocent man. I've always thought Josh Powell was bad news and always felt he knew the truth about what happened to his wife.

This latest news is so tragic to me and yet, unfortunately not surprising. Shocking yes, but not surprising. Josh Powell always seemed to me as someone who likely killed his wife. The fact is, even though I believe he had something to do with his wife's disappearance, I do not know for sure that he did, and I do not know if that played into the reason why he chose to take his own life as well as those of his two innocent sons. But whether he was responsible for his wife's disappearance and probable death, I do know he killed his two sons, and that is so upsetting.

Regardless, my heart is broken for the poor Cox family, who now may never know exactly what happened to their daughter now that the only man who likely knew of her whereabouts is dead. And now they and Josh's family as well must now endure the loss of these two young, innocent boys.

It's so depraved. Josh Powell often said his children always came first in his life. It appears to me only one person came first in Josh's life: Josh.

I'm so disappointed and upset by this. I wish the police could have found some solid evidence against Josh (or someone else) so that this heartless act could have been avoided.

I think my gut was probably right about Josh. But even my gut wasn't prepared for this.

Ugh.