Saturday, January 12, 2013

The Time Is Dawning Near

We're getting to the point where we're all in agreement that Mom needs to be moved to assisted living.  It's truly amazing how much she has declined just in the last couple of months.  Mom is very confused about where she lives.  She's lived in the same house for 50 years and now doesn't even know her address or the city she lives in.  She thinks she has two houses and wants to go back to the other one.  She keeps talking about how she lives "high up" in a tower.  The other day she thought my nephew and niece's room was hers even though it's nowhere near her own room.

Yesterday my nephew found that she had thrown up and passed out at the dining room table.  I think he should have taken her to the hospital and had her checked out.  Instead, he cleaned her up; practically carried her back to her room; and let her lie down.

Later, when my niece went to check on her to see if she was okay, Mom was on the floor next to her bed holding her jewelry box on her chest.  When my niece asked if she was all right and why she was there, Mom couldn't remember how she got there and said she was fine, but that she couldn't get up.  My niece helped her up and was kind of freaked out by the incident.

Needless to say, my niece and nephew feel like caring for Mom is getting to be more than they bargained for and want out.  They've already started looking at houses so they can have their own place.  My sisters are both at their wits' ends and are pushing for Mom to be moved into assisted living.  We had originally toyed with getting her home health care, but I am of the opinion that she needs to be moved into assisted living.

My brother seems to be of that opinion, too, but is stalling for some reason, and I don't quite understand why.  I think he's concerned about the financial aspect of that and wants to get that sorted out before taking action.  I think we've reached a breaking point, however, and need to get Mom into a facility as soon as possible, and we can worry about the financial aspects later.  I know we have enough to take care of her for at least a year, and I figure we can figure out more about our financial options during that time.

We're already talking to a Medicaid advisor who is trying to help us out, and I think Medicare will cover some of it if Mom is unable to do certain things such as eating, showering herself, toileting herself, etc., and I think we may be reaching that point anyway.

I'm supposed to go back to Utah on the 17th for an audition, and we are going to have a family meeting.  My sister-in-law said my nephew starts school this Monday and will be busy and because of the added strain on my already exhausted sisters was wondering if I could come down early and help watch Mom.  Unfortunately, to change my ticket at this late date is more than I have in my budget, but I could stay longer if needs be.  However, I think it should be with the goal that we're going to take action and get Mom moved.

While I never wanted this day to come, I feel it's time.  It will be best for everybody, including Mom, in the long run.  I just wish it weren't so expensive.  My mom has been financially smart and prepared, but even so, it is likely she will outlive her funds.  It shouldn't have to be that way.

Anyway, I hope we can get her moved in soon, and mostly, I hope she will transition well.  I have a feeling it will be a bumpy ride at first.


Duck said...

My heart goes out to you as you make the decisions that will affect your mom and you so much. I, too, wish it were not this way, i.e., that she will likely outlive her funds. That isn't right and I wish she, and everyone else, did not even have to think about it, let alone worry about it.

You have a good head on your shoulders. I know you will help present good options and will be able to get your siblings on board with what should happen so that your mom's health and safety are taken care of. That is paramount in your decisions.

Best of luck to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Your experiences right now are especially poignant to me as I suspect I will sometime soon be dealing with the exact same things with my own parents.

Love and happy night to you. Duck

Gay LDS Actor said...

Thanks, Duck. I really appreciate your thoughts. Today has been a very tough day, and being removed from the situation makes me feel very helpless; not that there's much more I could do if I was with Mom in Utah.

I'm sad to hear that you may face similar challenges with your own parents in the future. I wouldn't wish the heartache that comes with this on anyone. But I am also learning a lot of new things, having character-building experiences, and I feel I have been the best son I can be to my mom and will continue to do so.

Your thoughts have lifted my spirits some. Thanks.

Miguel said...

Sending you lots of hugs. Having a sick parent is hard--you always have the feeling that the phone is going to ring any minute and panic will ensue. I hope the transition goes well for your mom. Sending you my heart-felt thoughts and prayers.

Dean Scott said...

I am really sorry this time has come since I know it is painful even though it is the right thing to do based on the recent experiences. I hope you can find a place that will meet your mom's needs and be within her resources. I send my prayers.

Gay LDS Actor said...

Thanks, Miguel and Dean.

I sure appreciate your support.