We had a guest speaker come to our school today and talk about how to make it in the business as a professional actor. One of the things he said a successful actor has is perseverance. He said that you have to give everything you have, and that if you have tried as hard as you can and you can't go any further and you haven't succeeded as an actor, you'll still know that you did the best you could and gave it your best shot. Otherwise, if you just strive for your goals in a haphazard way and fail, you'll always live with regret wondering if you would have succeeded if you had just tried harder. He said we only have one life, and we don't want to live with regrets.
I then thought about how this applies to my own situation. As far as my homosexual issues are concerned, I really feel like I could face my Father in Heaven and say that I gave it my best shot; that I tried as hard as I could, but that I just wasn't able to live the way my religion has asked me to. I've dedicated years of my life to doing what I've been taught to do, and it hasn't changed my feelings. I don't regret a moment of that. I'm very happy with the influence my religion has had on my life. Yet if I were to let Jonah go, I think I would regret that. I would wonder "what if..." for the rest of my life. I think I am coming to better terms that Jonah and I belong together and that it's okay. Maybe it's just time to start a new chapter in my life.
These are the players in my life, all sharing the same stage.
3 comments:
How exciting! I can't wait to hear about your new experiences. :)
What amazing discoveries. I can imagine that this is very hard for you in a lot of ways, but you sound so calm and wise concerning this dialogue that you are having with yourself.
I don't have the answers, but I do know that God loves you, and that He wants you to be happy no matter what!
Keep doing what you are doing. Things will fall into place.
Yes, Elbow, it is hard at times, but I'm trying to feel my way through my situation, and being the rational pragmatist, I'm often very collected in how I deal with problems. Sometimes I think I'm too in my head (as a lyric reminds me, "Don't make such a drama,/ A little less thinking,/ A little more feeling" might be more useful for me). But I feel like I'm working out my issues to the best of my ability. Like you say, God does love me and wants me to be happy, and I have felt His hand in my life a great deal lately. Thanks for your support.
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