Jonah and I haven't been able to spend as much time together as we would like due to our opposite schedules, and so I've really grown to cherish the times we are together. Today he came over for lunch and at one point we were standing in my kitchen just holding one another, and I just started to get all teary-eyed and misty because I just felt so happy to have him as my boyfriend. This relationship just makes me so happy. No, it isn't without its difficulties and trials (as it is with all relationships), but I just love him so much. I feel so happy with who I am and how my life has changed in the last two years. And, yes, there are still things I am concerned about, but the happiness just really seems to outweigh the other stuff.
We open The Laramie Project a week from yesterday. I think it will be a good production. It's a challenge to go where we need to go emotionally to tell Matthew Shepard's story, and some nights I'm not in the mood to do it, but I guess that's just part of being an actor. I love doing drama, and this show has a lot of great stuff going for it, and I enjoy the people I'm working with, but I will be ready to move on to my next show, a comedy, when this one is over.
These are the players in my life, all sharing the same stage.
Showing posts with label The Laramie Project. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Laramie Project. Show all posts
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Possibilities
Every time I hear the following song on the radio lately, I really feel it's describing my own life's current journey in a lot of ways. It actually reminds me of a phrase in my patriarchal blessing. Lately I've just felt that there is a world of possibilities ahead. I think this song typifies that:
"Unwritten"
Natasha Bedingfield
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines (yeh yeh)
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah
Today I saw the movie Little Miss Sunshine with Jonah today. When I originally saw the trailer for it, I didn't think I would like it, but I really thought it was a great movie with a good message. I guess there were many things that could be gleaned from the film, but some things I got from it is that winners are people who try their best, regardless of whether they win the race or not. Another thing I got was that we're all imperfect people just trying our best to get through life and sticking together is important. But one thing that really resonated with me was that sometimes I think people have such a limited view of life and people. There are so many people out there who live lives very different from the ones that you or I live and sometimes because of our upbringings, we come to the mistaken conclusion that our way of life is the only right way to live a life. I'm not talking about Mormonism specifically. I'm saying that each person, no matter who he or she is in the world, often grow up with a limited view of other people's lives and circumstances, and we judge based on those perceptions. There's a whole world out there to discover. There's so many people to know and understand.
One of the things I was taught on my mission was a method called the commitment pattern, which was a tool used to meet and teach people. One of the precepts of that method was building relationships of trust with people and finding common ground. It occurred to me both then and now that it was hard to build relationships of trust with people if you approached them with a self-serving or all-knowing attitude.
I guess what I'm trying to say is when I saw this movie today it struck me that we miss out on some very interesting people because we don't make a move to know or understand them because we fear them or judge them, and I think that's sad because I think all people basically have the same needs and wants. I think we have far more in common with each other than we have differences. I'm not always successful, but I really try to look at things from other people's points-of-view. I try to put myself in another's shoes, especially when I am having difficulty knowing or understanding them. There are people I have met in my life that I have had a hard time getting inside of, and I wonder what I'm missing and what treasures I might discover if I put more love and less judgment into my efforts.
Last thought: I'm currently rehearsing The Laramie Project, which I think is rather ironic (though not coincidental) considering what I'm dealing with in my own life. I don't necessarily think it's the best written play ever, but I do think it has something to say. Of course, I think what happened to Matthew Shepard was inexcusable and tragic, but I'd also be lying if I didn't admit that there have been times in my life when I was bothered by the fact that he's often regarded as a martyr and a saint by some. I think Matthew Shepard, like all of us, was a flawed human being. He wasn't perfect and he made mistakes just like the rest of us. I guess I eventually came to realize that it's what his tragic death represents that has put him on such a high pedestal. I mean, it's not as though Matthew asked to be revered or anything. But my point is that as I was doing some research for my roles, I stumbled across the website that is maintained by his mother, and as it really hit me in my heart that these two parents lost their child to such a senseless crime, I actually started to cry. What we have been rehearsing the last week really came clear to me, and I started to see these characters as the real human beings they are.
I feel like I'm babbling and that what I'm really trying to say isn't coming out. I guess it goes back to a previous post I made, which boiled down basically to "less judging, more loving."
"Unwritten"
Natasha Bedingfield
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines (yeh yeh)
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah
Today I saw the movie Little Miss Sunshine with Jonah today. When I originally saw the trailer for it, I didn't think I would like it, but I really thought it was a great movie with a good message. I guess there were many things that could be gleaned from the film, but some things I got from it is that winners are people who try their best, regardless of whether they win the race or not. Another thing I got was that we're all imperfect people just trying our best to get through life and sticking together is important. But one thing that really resonated with me was that sometimes I think people have such a limited view of life and people. There are so many people out there who live lives very different from the ones that you or I live and sometimes because of our upbringings, we come to the mistaken conclusion that our way of life is the only right way to live a life. I'm not talking about Mormonism specifically. I'm saying that each person, no matter who he or she is in the world, often grow up with a limited view of other people's lives and circumstances, and we judge based on those perceptions. There's a whole world out there to discover. There's so many people to know and understand.
One of the things I was taught on my mission was a method called the commitment pattern, which was a tool used to meet and teach people. One of the precepts of that method was building relationships of trust with people and finding common ground. It occurred to me both then and now that it was hard to build relationships of trust with people if you approached them with a self-serving or all-knowing attitude.
I guess what I'm trying to say is when I saw this movie today it struck me that we miss out on some very interesting people because we don't make a move to know or understand them because we fear them or judge them, and I think that's sad because I think all people basically have the same needs and wants. I think we have far more in common with each other than we have differences. I'm not always successful, but I really try to look at things from other people's points-of-view. I try to put myself in another's shoes, especially when I am having difficulty knowing or understanding them. There are people I have met in my life that I have had a hard time getting inside of, and I wonder what I'm missing and what treasures I might discover if I put more love and less judgment into my efforts.
Last thought: I'm currently rehearsing The Laramie Project, which I think is rather ironic (though not coincidental) considering what I'm dealing with in my own life. I don't necessarily think it's the best written play ever, but I do think it has something to say. Of course, I think what happened to Matthew Shepard was inexcusable and tragic, but I'd also be lying if I didn't admit that there have been times in my life when I was bothered by the fact that he's often regarded as a martyr and a saint by some. I think Matthew Shepard, like all of us, was a flawed human being. He wasn't perfect and he made mistakes just like the rest of us. I guess I eventually came to realize that it's what his tragic death represents that has put him on such a high pedestal. I mean, it's not as though Matthew asked to be revered or anything. But my point is that as I was doing some research for my roles, I stumbled across the website that is maintained by his mother, and as it really hit me in my heart that these two parents lost their child to such a senseless crime, I actually started to cry. What we have been rehearsing the last week really came clear to me, and I started to see these characters as the real human beings they are.
I feel like I'm babbling and that what I'm really trying to say isn't coming out. I guess it goes back to a previous post I made, which boiled down basically to "less judging, more loving."
Sunday, May 14, 2006
The Future
I've been feeling somewhat nostalgic lately. I just finished my second year of the three year MFA program, and it dawned on me that in just a year from now I will be done with school and trying to figure out where to go from here. Some of my friends have graduated this year and many of us will be parting ways next year, and while part of me finds that exciting, there is, of course, another part of me that is both scared and sad. I love change, but, of course, it will be hard to say goodbye to friends and it will, of course, be both exciting and scary to figure out what I want to do next with my life. Of course, I still have a year before that actually happens, and no matter what, I know the future holds much promise. But the two years I've been here have already flown by very quickly, so I know that day will be here before I know it.
I think about my future with Jonah. As I stated recently, he just got a really good job which pays $1,000 a week. Jonah really wants to move out of his parents' house and get a house of his own, and while we haven't discussed it in great detail, I imagine living with him. The two of us continually get closer, and we have a lot of fun together. We've been to a lot of cultural events this week, and I've just really enjoyed spending time with him, especially since my school schedule and his work schedule haven't allowed as much of that this semester as we would like.
I still carry guilt with me from time to time and still catch myself wondering if I'm doing the right things in God's eyes, but I am managing as best I can. I'm just very grateful for this relationship and am very glad to be loved by someone so much and feel that Jonah feels the same way. I'm getting more comfortable at being "out of the closet." Most of my circle of friends doesn't know the extent of our relationship, though I know most of them suspect, but Jonah's friends all know, and we had lunch at his work yesterday, and while I was nervous meeting some of his friends for the first time, I thought I held my own pretty well.
School's finally over for the year, and I am very happy for a much needed break. I've been going nearly non-stop this whole year, and I'm pretty tired. I still don't know what I'm doing this summer as far as work is concerned, but I will be going back home to Utah tomorrow for at least two weeks just to visit my family. I miss them a lot. My mom is really eager to see me. I talk to her about Jonah a lot. I never refer to him as my boyfriends with her...at least not yet, but she knows the two of us are seeing each other, and I talk about him as much as possible to continue to get her used to the idea. As I said, she does like Jonah, so that's a good thing.
I'm eager to see family and friends back home. I haven't seen any of them since Christmas (except my mom, who came here to see my shows). My nieces and nephews are growing up without me, and I feel like I'm missing out.
My next show next fall will be The Laramie Project, which I thought was somewhat ironic given my situation. I'm excited for it because I get the chance to play five different characters, which is a nice challenge for an actor. One of the characters is Fred Phelps, a homophobic minister who I do not like one bit in real life. I think it will be great challenge to channel that kind of person. I think he's an absolute jerk in real life, and I'm a pretty nice guy, so I think it will be hard to find him in me. But I would imagine Fred Phelps, as delusional as I may think he is, probably imagines he's doing the right thing and thinks he's a good man, so maybe it won't be as hard to play him as I imagine. And I've played unlikable characters before. I just think the venom that spews from his mouth is horrible, so it will be hard to say those things and act like I believe them. I guess that's why they call it acting, huh?
Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say for now. Nothing particularly interesting, but that's all I got right now.
I think about my future with Jonah. As I stated recently, he just got a really good job which pays $1,000 a week. Jonah really wants to move out of his parents' house and get a house of his own, and while we haven't discussed it in great detail, I imagine living with him. The two of us continually get closer, and we have a lot of fun together. We've been to a lot of cultural events this week, and I've just really enjoyed spending time with him, especially since my school schedule and his work schedule haven't allowed as much of that this semester as we would like.
I still carry guilt with me from time to time and still catch myself wondering if I'm doing the right things in God's eyes, but I am managing as best I can. I'm just very grateful for this relationship and am very glad to be loved by someone so much and feel that Jonah feels the same way. I'm getting more comfortable at being "out of the closet." Most of my circle of friends doesn't know the extent of our relationship, though I know most of them suspect, but Jonah's friends all know, and we had lunch at his work yesterday, and while I was nervous meeting some of his friends for the first time, I thought I held my own pretty well.
School's finally over for the year, and I am very happy for a much needed break. I've been going nearly non-stop this whole year, and I'm pretty tired. I still don't know what I'm doing this summer as far as work is concerned, but I will be going back home to Utah tomorrow for at least two weeks just to visit my family. I miss them a lot. My mom is really eager to see me. I talk to her about Jonah a lot. I never refer to him as my boyfriends with her...at least not yet, but she knows the two of us are seeing each other, and I talk about him as much as possible to continue to get her used to the idea. As I said, she does like Jonah, so that's a good thing.
I'm eager to see family and friends back home. I haven't seen any of them since Christmas (except my mom, who came here to see my shows). My nieces and nephews are growing up without me, and I feel like I'm missing out.
My next show next fall will be The Laramie Project, which I thought was somewhat ironic given my situation. I'm excited for it because I get the chance to play five different characters, which is a nice challenge for an actor. One of the characters is Fred Phelps, a homophobic minister who I do not like one bit in real life. I think it will be great challenge to channel that kind of person. I think he's an absolute jerk in real life, and I'm a pretty nice guy, so I think it will be hard to find him in me. But I would imagine Fred Phelps, as delusional as I may think he is, probably imagines he's doing the right thing and thinks he's a good man, so maybe it won't be as hard to play him as I imagine. And I've played unlikable characters before. I just think the venom that spews from his mouth is horrible, so it will be hard to say those things and act like I believe them. I guess that's why they call it acting, huh?
Anyway, I guess that's all I have to say for now. Nothing particularly interesting, but that's all I got right now.
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