Missing The Theatre Community

Jonah was nominated for a costuming award by the local theatre community for a show he did.  Because he was busy costuming another production, he was unable to attend the awards ceremony.  I happened to be free that night, and Jonah and I both thought it would be a good idea if I went in his stead to represent him. 

Jonah actually didn't think he would win, although I do think he secretly wanted to.  I actually had a feeling he might and prayed that he would.  Jonah is an incredibly talented costume designer, and even though I may be biased, he truly does have a gift.  The theater company that did the production he was nominated for has not always been very good about showing their appreciation for his work.  It is my opinion that the powers that be that operate this particular theater sometimes take Jonah for granted and even take advantage of him.  Jonah has done a lot of work for them and has helped them out a lot, and sometimes I feel they don't give him either the recognition or thanks he deserves.  In any case, part of me just wanted him to win the award because I thought it would be a nice symbol of the appreciation I think my guy deserves.

Jonah thought the night might be fun for me as well, a chance to hobnob with some of the local theatre community.  When I worked in Utah, I was very in touch with the local theatre community.  I worked as an actor a lot, and I developed a lot of friendships.  I'd see the same people at parties, auditions, and jobs, and it was a great network of people to belong to.

Here, I'm not as active in the theatre community, and I don't know as many people.  I also feel like the professional theatre community is not as strong as it was in Utah, but the community theatre network is doing some great stuff.  In any case, I feel like a bit of an outsider even though I know a few people in the local theatre community.  It's an odd feeling to be an outsider when not so long ago I felt like an insider.

The awards ceremony was enjoyable.  I got to meet to some interesting and nice people and have a little more exposure to the theatre community here.

But I also felt a certain yearning to be back on stage again.  I miss it.

At the same time, I love being home with Jonah.  I love being home.  Period.  With my husband and our cats.  I like having a steady, stable, relatively secure, enjoyable job at a company that has good benefits and treats me well.  I like not having to live out of a suitcase.  I like not having to constantly hustle for the next acting job. 

But I miss doing plays.  I miss the variety of playing different characters.  I miss the theatre network I was a part of.

I like my current job.  I really do.  But I also am a little bored, which has always been a problem for me.  I get bored too easily.  I do the same job for a while, and I get bored.

Truth is, I would be foolish to give up the job I have.  The hours are great, the pay is enough, the job at least relates somewhat to my chosen field of study, and most of the time it is enjoyable.  And it's easy.  So easy.  For what I get paid, this job is a piece of cake.  I still am acting, and I play a delightful character that I enjoy playing.  But it's lost its newness, and I would love to do something more meaty.  I wish I could just take six weeks off and do a play somewhere, but that's not really possible.  I'll probably stay here until the show we're doing closes, which could be anywhere from three years to indefinitely.

The theatre company I worked for in Utah is doing some exciting stuff this coming season, stuff that I would have enjoyed doing and could probably have gotten cast in.  I'm always interested in auditioning for the Utah Shakespeare as well.  I'd love to do some more Shakespeare.  Even though musicals were often my bread and butter, I'm not as interested in doing them as I once was, although once in a while one will come along that I'd love to be a part of.  Truth is, my body just doesn't feel like doing choreography anymore, and I don't have as good of breath support as I once did.  Musicals are harder work in some ways than straight plays, although straight plays can be exhausting, too.  And maybe I've reached a period in my life when I just need to take it easy for a bit.  If the show I'm involved in closes in the future, maybe I can go back to stage work again.

I have gotten a little more involved in film and TV lately and have even booked a couple of gigs, but I don't know if my strengths lie in TV and film work or not.  In some ways it feels like I'm starting over again.

When I was at the awards ceremony, I was a little jealous that some of these theatre companies were doing some productions that are geared more to the type of theatre I am interested in doing.  In fact, coincidentally, I had just read two of the plays that were up for nomination.  Because I am a member of Actors' Equity Association and these companies are non-union, I couldn't do these shows anyway, but I still would love to do more serious theatre.

At the ceremony they had some performers from various shows around town do some musical numbers from different shows, and some of these people were quite talented, and it just made me miss being on stage.

Jonah's award was one of the first.  His was the last name to be announced from the list of nominees, and when they announced him as the winner my chest practically burst with pride.  I went up to accept the award on his behalf and almost cried I was so happy for my husband.  I said a few short words about how I knew Jonah was so honored to be nominated and recognized for his work and I thanked those who voted for him.

After I sat down I texted Jonah to let him know he'd won.  I really could tell he was proud of having won.  He later sent a Facebook message to those in the theatre community to let them know how he felt.

A couple of my friends won awards, too, so that was nice.  I had an enjoyable time, but it also felt lonely in a way.  I can't really explain it.

Turning Negatives Into Positives

My show closed on Sunday. It was a good run, but it's the end of the school year, and I'm a bit fried. I need a break. So even though the show was a lot of fun and gave me the chance to work with some friends I'd always wanted to work with, I'm happy that we're finally closed.

Local critics have been less than kind in reviewing our show. It's hard to be fully objective about a show you're in, I think, but my fellow cast members and I really felt we had a good show. Is it the best show I've ever been in? No? Is it the greatest script ever written? No. But I think it was a really good production of this particular play, and we all felt good about the work we'd done. We got a D- in one review and one star (out of four, I believe) in another, and I really don't think the show is that bad. I'd probably give it a B (or a C+ at the very minimum). I just didn't think either review was an accurate portrayal of what the production actually was like, and judging from audience response, I think I'm right. I had so many people tell us they really enjoyed the show and even had some tell me it was their favorite show of the season (I don't think I would go so far as to say it was the best show of the season, but it's a nice compliment nonetheless).

Frankly, I don't really care what critics say, good or bad. I lived with a theatre critic for six months, and I can tell you that critics are just people with opinions, and he and I often disagreed on our assessments of shows we saw. But I liked him, and he still remains a close friend to this day. All I know is that I know when I'm proud of my work and when I'm not. I was in a show once that stank to high heaven, in my opinion, and yet audiences seemed to really like it. I would tell my fellow friends (and some cast members who agreed with my assessment), "just imagine how they'd react if the show were any good." And then I've been in things that I was very proud of that just got slammed by the critics. I still maintain that some of my best work was in a show that got panned by a local critic, and nothing she said makes me feel any differently. But as I said, one can't be completely objective about one's own work.

What I do know is that I can't control what is said about my work or how people feel about my acting. Most people seem to agree that I'm a pretty good actor. I feel like I am. But regardless, I know when I'm pleased about my work and when I'm not, and no outside influence can really have that much of an impact on me unless I choose to allow it. I will certainly take the feedback of people whose opinions I respect. If anything, I am my own worst critic. If I'm not measuring up to my own standards, than I'm in trouble. I'm a perfectionist by nature, which gets me in trouble with myself sometimes. But as life has gone on, I am getting better at looking at myself with a less critical eye. I was once told by my mission president that I am the judge, jury, and executioner in one, and I think I've gotten much better at not being as hard on myself.

Anyway, my point in even writing all this was that one of the reviews about my play said some rather harsh things, but the writer was very good at writing, which I don't often find to be the case among theatre reviewers. He was just very clever and witty and entertaining, and I found myself laughing at many of the things he said, even if I didn't agree with them. I decided to write him an email. I wrote, in part, the following:

I just wanted to say that even though I am one of the actors in this production that you panned, I enjoyed reading your review of it. While I am obviously disappointed that you didn't enjoy the show and even though I don't agree with your assessment of it, I do have to give you kudos for being a good writer. Your review was both entertaining and clever.
I'm also glad that I somehow escaped mention in your review. I don't necessarily take that to mean that you liked my performance any better than those of my fellow actors. In fact, I'm willing to bet you didn't. But it's nice to know that I somehow was able to evade the wrath of your acid pen.
Anyway, I don't take reviews, good or bad, too seriously. I just wanted to write to let you know I enjoy your style. I'm just sorry we didn't live up to your expectations and hope that [our next] production...will be a more positive experience for you. In any case, keep up the good writing. You've got a fine talent there.

Cordially,

[Cody]

The critic responded with the following:

You are a class act, [Cody].

It takes a certain character, especially as a member of a cast of a play I disliked, to write to me and say such kind things. I donÂ’t know if I'd be capable of it were the situation reversed.

Overall, I enjoy [your theater's] productions very much; this one just rubbed me the wrong way. And also, it is because I am so rarely let down by [your theater]---which is the group I look forward to seeing the most in town---that my disappointment and perhaps even anger may have been provoked to that degree. The reason you were not mentioned is because after about a half-hour of this play, it was difficult for me to find much to like anywhere in it, but you did good work in what I thought was a sub-par production. And you know that I've talked about you in reviews of past productions, as I believe you to be a genuine talent.

Please accept my gratitude for your lovely note, especially under the circumstances. You can probably imagine that critics aren't often the object of anyone's admiration. You made my day.

I look forward to seeing you on stage again very soon.

Anyway, it was agood lesson to me that one can take a seemingly negative thing and gain something positive from it.

I always say, "We can't control our circumstances, but we certainly can control our attitudes and reactions regarding those circumstances.

Mistakes

I just wanted all of those of you who are glued to the happenings of my life and who read my blog with great anticipation (yeah, right!) that I have not dropped off the face of the earth. I just haven't had time to write. It's been an enormously busy week. My show just opened and my mom was in town, and it's approaching finals week here at school, so I just don't have time to write (and, really, nothing of great significance to write about).

My show has been very stressful as far as rehearsals go. It's been a fun show to work on, but is very technical (if one thing goes wrong, it's like a domino effect). The other night I forgot to switch on and off some lights, which affects a light cue, and so many things went wrong that night. Our director, who works both on and off-Broadway and all over the country, yelled at us and said we were better than that and that we couldn't let the show get out of our control because of stupid mistakes. He was right, but it was nerve-wracking. And because I am a perfectionist by nature, I felt bad that I had disappointed our director after such a good run the night before. Anyway, it's been a tough show.

However, we opened last night to great enthusiasm and applause, and even though there were mistakes made, I was very pleased. We have a mantra in our show, "The suck stops here," and although we know mistakes happen, we have resolved to do our best to make sure they don't, and if they do, we do what my director suggested in an ananolgy: "If you go through a red light in this play, don't stop. Yeah, you went through the red light and broke the law, but it's already done. Just keep going and don't dwell on it or let it affect the rest of the show."

We had a really nice opening night party last night. I hadn't seen Jonah in nearly a week because of our schedules, so it was great to see him. He'd had a really hard day at work. Things are stressful there. But I think being with each other lightened his mood. He and my mom hung out a bit, too, so that was nice.

People said really nice things about my performance, which really made me feel good. By all accounts I heard, people really seemed to enjoy the show.

Well, I've got some homework to do (which I'm obviously putting off :-) ) and a bunch of stuff to do today. I just wanted you to know that I'm still around and still posting when I can. I've been meaning to add comments to other bloggers' post, but haven't found time to do that either.